Where Are Your Limitations Involving Friendships?

Sun, Jan 30, 2011

Personal Development

Did you know that there are A, B & C friends that can either elevate your life or tear it down? We aren’t trying to put a label on friendships but using A,B & C will allow us to explain how the B & C friends may bring limitations to your life and how important it is to be an “A” friend.

Where Are Your Limitations When It Comes To Friendships?

“A” friends are those who bring uplift, encouragement and joy to your life. They only want the best for you and give their best to you. They also try to get the best out of you so you can thrive. What’s interesting about the ‘A’s is that they are conscious of love all the time, and choose love again and again, even when they fail.

“B” friends are encouragers but also tend to criticize and tear down others with their critical nature some of the time. They are willing to learn how to be a better friend as long as it doesn’t inconvenience them. What’s interesting about the ‘B’s is that they are conscious of love, but only part of the time. Without realizing it, they choose to be apart from love as well.

“C” friends are those who are negative in actions, and behavior, and will bring your energy level down when they walk into a room. Not only do they think negatively, but they would like others to live in a negative environment with them as well. What’s interesting about the ‘C’s is that they are not consciously aware of feeling or giving love. Low self-worth and addictions play a huge role, and sadly, they remain stuck in their negative patterns.

Most people have lived in one, or all three, of these categories during their life. We know that being love and giving love is the greatest of all friendships. We are eternally grateful for those who pray for us when our behavior is in the B & C categories. They chose not to be around us, however, they never gave up on us. They made certain we knew they still cared via cards or phone calls every so often.

So we want to encourage you to choose love by praying for the ‘B’s & C’s, but hang with A’s in 2011. We also want to know who you think is an A-lister in your life. Is it a mother, brother, neighbor, mentor or friend in your A-list? And what do you still need to work on to become an A-lister?

Let Paula and Kellie know by leaving a comment on Living Beyond Limitations  here.

I’m so glad Kellie and Pauline allowed me to post this on my blog!  I’m also interested in knowing what you think!  Please copy and paste the comment you left on Living Beyond Limitations and leave it here for me too!

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88 Responses to “Where Are Your Limitations Involving Friendships?”

  1. belinda cunningham Says:

    Linda
    I love it, I love structure and systems so I now want to put all my friends in these three categories. Seriously while reading I was putting myself into the categories for how I would appear to my different friends. I am so lucky to have my partner in the A list but pondered on where I would put myself for him. Need to pull my socks up a bit and get into the A list more.

    Belinda
    belinda cunningham recently posted..Bach Flowers for Over-sensitivity to Influences and IdeasMy Profile

    Reply

    • Linda Grace Says:

      Belinda~
      We all need to assess where we are and continue to learn and progress, but for you, I know you’re selling yourself short! You are an awesome lady, definately an A friend!
      Linda

      Reply

  2. Jason Says:

    Hey Linda,

    I completely agree with the 3 different types of friends you’ve listed here. It’s sad to say, but I think I have only had one “A” friend in my entire life. I mostly have “B” friends and a few “C” friends that I try to keep away from as much as possible.

    I like to consider myself an “A” friend but I know I can be critical sometimes so I guess I am a “B” friend sometimes too. I’m trying to find the A’s to hang out with in 2011 but they’re so hard to find though. Thanks for sharing Linda, I really enjoyed reading.
    Jason recently posted..Rap Beat Makers – Free Website For Top Notch Online Beat MakingMy Profile

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    • Linda Grace Says:

      Jason~
      In my opinion you’ve got the right idea, we need BE the type of person we want to ATTRACT! Everyone is unique, some people are content with one “A” friend and others are happy with many! Either way BEING an “A” friend will bring you the most happiness!
      Linda

      Reply

  3. offshore seo expert Says:

    I complitely agree with your post
    keep posting

    Reply

  4. Val Wilcox @ Empowering Your Life's Dreams Says:

    Perfect post Linda!
    I had never really thought of labeling friends this way, yet it makes sense to be aware of these different people & how they interact with you.

    I have moved many type C friends farther away in my circle of influence as I realized their views were not serving me. Which isn’t a problem cause those spaces have been filled with wonderful, encouraging friendships such as yours and many others I have since met. Thanks for being a type A friend!

    Val :)
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  5. Kellie Frazier Says:

    Hi Linda,

    I agree with you about where we fit into our relationships. One of the biggest reasons for creating this post was that we saw a need to observe where WE are in life and we can’t do that by looking at others. So it helps us to be accountable to ourselves by recognizing where we need to grow.

    Thank you for sharing it with your community my friend. You bless us with your generous love.

    Kellie
    http://www.kelliefrazier.com
    Kellie Frazier recently posted..Where Are Your Limitations Involving FriendshipsMy Profile

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    • Linda Grace Says:

      Kellie~
      I agree with you completley! Introspection is a very important skill to learn and this post is a great way to start! Thank you for sharing it with me for my blog!
      Linda

      Reply

  6. Julieanne van Zyl Says:

    Hi Linda, nice to come back here again! My mother had a “C friend” when I lived at home for awhile as a young adult. I used to go to my room and turn the radio up when she came over. She would talk to my Mum for about an hour straight about all kinds of stuff that wasn’t what you’d call “happy stuff”, and Mum could hardly get a word in.

    Like most people have said previously in the comments, I much prefer the “A people”. And, I would like to be an A friend to others, although I know I slip at times:-)
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    • Linda Grace Says:

      Julieanne,
      I think sometimes it’s harder for the older generation to set limits for themselves, or maybe not. I just know it’s hard when our parents aren’t examples of doing so. I’m glad you can see what you do and don’t want to be!
      Linda

      Reply

  7. Joe Remington Says:

    Thanks for sharing this Linda;

    This is valuable information and very true. I remember over 7 years ago is when I first began to see this in my own life. Everyone I associated with seemed to be very negative (myself included); and I really began to hate everything in my life.

    I came to a decision that I needed to change; and it was with that decision that I began my journey to become someone I would want to be around. You’re right Linda; it’s very important to hang with the “A’s” and pray for the B’s and C’s. We are made by the Almighty God, and we must learn to treat one another in the love of Jesus

    Reply

  8. Deb Augur Says:

    Hi Linda,

    It is very interesting how friends do fall into certain categories, whether we’re aware of it or not. Of course, we are always much more comfortable and happy hanging out with people that make us feel good (A Friends) and hopefully they feel the same about us.

    The other two “levels” of friends are still friends, but they are often a drain on our energies and motivation. We, consciously or subconsciously, are aware of this and most (I think) draw the line of frequency, at the very least.

    I’m reminded of one of my favorite quotes, which is…

    A friend is someone who sees through you and still enjoys the view. (Wilma Askinas)

    All friends are wonderful, just some are more special to us. ;-)
    Deb Augur recently posted..To Thank Or Not To Thank rttyMy Profile

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    • Linda Grace Says:

      Deb,
      Thank you for leaving such a wonderful comment on my blog! I think you’re so right! When we are feeling secure, it’s easier to limit time with the toxic people in our lives. When we are insecure and need the approval to feel good about ourselves, we might have a hard time setting limits!
      Linda
      ps. I love your quotes!

      Reply

  9. Dr. Adam Sheck Says:

    This is a great post, thanks so much. I love the distinction between friend “types” and the suggestions for who to hang around. Personally, I think that instead of choosing who to hang around, I need to focus more BEING a Type A Friend. The rest will take care of itself. And while I’m Type A most of time, I know that I become a Type B as well, so I want to improve that.
    Thanks so much for sharing this,
    Adam
    Dr. Adam Sheck recently posted..3 Tools To Reignite Your Relationship By Valentine’s DayMy Profile

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  10. Melissa@Video Advertisements Says:

    Very good topic to discuss, Linda! Happily, I’ve got only a few friends from “C” category. But I believe they were given to me to learn something:). And I definitely agree with Adam that we need to focus on being an “A” person. That’s true and is worth trying.

    Reply

  11. Cherrie Bautista@Left Or Right Brained Says:

    What an interesting way to categorize type of friends, and a very accurate one! We need not only strive to be A’s we must also encourage our friends to be one. Thanks for sharing this post, Linda!
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  12. Peter Fuller MBA Says:

    Hey Linda, how are you doing these days?

    I try my best to be an “A” friend but sometimes slip to “B”

    Just being aware of the different types helps.

    Thanks for reminding me :)

    Peter
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  13. Shari Weiss Says:

    A really good topic to think about for awhile. Those of us who are supremely busy [like most of us bloggers, entrepreneurs, etc] need to figure out if some of our “friends” are more drains than supports. HMMM, how much more time would I have if I didn’t phone, visit, email, etc. certain people?
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  14. Willena Flewelling Says:

    Since we tend to become like those we spend the most time with, I think we need to spend more time with the A’s in our lives. Certainly pray for the B’s and C’s, and be A’s to them whenever and however we can. But we only have so much time and energy, and if they are draining us so we can’t be what we ought to be to our families and others dear to us… then we need to draw back or even block them from our lives.

    I too have been blessed with a number of very dear A friends in the last couple of years. Mentors, fellow mastermind members, church friends, neighbours… I am indeed blessed!

    Willena Flewelling
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  15. Benny Howe Says:

    Hey Linda,

    It may seem a little cycnical, but I agree with Shari (she always tells it like it is!) Looking at your friendships in the way that you have outlined can be a very positive experience.

    They say that you will have the income of the average of your 5 closest friends, But, I think that that works on more levels, put pretty much anything in instead of income and I think you will get the picture.

    It’s not to say I don’t love my friends and have time for them.. I just allot the time a little better lol

    Great post!
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  16. ToniKing@SharingInsights&SolutionsToGreaterHealthWealth&Happiness Says:

    Hey Linda,
    This categorizing of friends is so important for us to be aware of.
    Until I became aware of it I’d be left wondering why I felt down after spending time with a particular friend. Much better to move them out of your inner circle, as your post say’s, and simply send them Love Energy.
    In time they may choose a more healthy perspective.

    Thanks for sharing.
    (I tried to post on the link provided for Paula and Kelly, but it brought up an error page.)

    In Love and Light
    Toni
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  17. RLCOMM I SEO EXPERT Says:

    Friends A B and C are always welcome to me, limitations will always be there in our mind and hearts but as soon as friends are always communicating, there should be a development in terms of physical, spiritual, and emotional value of a human being.Even if who they are, what negative character do they have but, sometimes they are changed depending on how do we treat them because sometimes they do respect to us on how we love them.So, just believe in ourselves, ready to love one another…

    Reply

    • Linda Grace Says:

      Ruben~
      Thank you for visiting my blog and leaving a comment! You have a beautiful attitude. If you’re able to surround yourself with C type friends and pick them up instead of them bringing you down, more power to you! Maybe in the perfect world that’s what we all should be doing!
      Linda
      ps. Why don’t you connect a picture to your comment? Here’s a post to show you how. I’ll send you an email in case you don’t see this message.

      Reply

  18. Maria Pavel@CNA Training Says:

    Hello Linda,

    A lot of us have only a few A-friends, the people that really care about us in the most non-selfish way possible, the persons that love us like they love themselves. The B-friends are also very ‘popular’, they’re good friends but not as good as the genuine A-friends that are like your brothers and sisters. Also, the bad guys – C-“friends” are the ones you should run away from, try as much as possible to not interract with them, they aren’t your type of people. Also, in friendships is better to keep yourself away enough from your friends to don’t get hurted, also, in order to the other be a good friend to you, you need to be a good friend for him. Treat him/her like a brother/sister and you will have the same treatment too from them. Tend to be more sociable, help everyone and be smiley, that would help a lot. Thank you very much for sharing this excellent article, keep up the good work !

    Best regards,

    Maria
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  19. Darlene Davis@ Social Media R&D Says:

    Hey Linda,
    Focusing on being an A friend is where my mindset leads me. I’m not comfortable pigeonholing others; however, if I have a goal of being an A friend, failure won’t (or shouldn’t) affect me.

    I like the thought of focusing on love!
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  20. Sue Price@residual income Says:

    Hi Linda
    I have never thought of categorizing my friends quite so formally but I have been conscious to distance myself from some friends. I have become aware if I feel drained by being around someone then I need to distance.
    Over the years as I have done more and more self awareness work some people have just fallen away.
    I had a friend tell me recently that she does not like having people hold her in the context she was years before. That resonated with me.
    Very thought provoking post.
    Sue
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    • Linda Grace Says:

      Sue,
      I agree with you, I never thought of catagorizing friends in this way, but I think Pauline and Kellie are right on! To really look at it this way helps define what we need, what we can give and helps us become what we want. I think its interesting to watch our lives as people who aren’t comfortable with us fall away.
      I have such fun meeting with you and learning together. I would say we are definately comfortable with each other!
      Linda

      Reply

  21. Aloys Says:

    Hi Linda, my first time here. You’re right about your breakdown, those are the types of relationships that we experience most of the time. The irony is, we may have a close relative or friend who may be a B or a C with us. Or even we ourselves are sometimes a B or a C toward someone whom we’re usually an A with.
    Or we start the day being an A with someone and end the day as C’s :) I guess it’s the overall attitude that matters, the ups and downs are inevitable and depend on a lot of factors. Let’s just try our best!
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    • Linda Grace Says:

      Aloys~
      Thank you for visiting my blog! Isn’t true, we can choose our friends but we’re stuck with our relatives! I agree with you, we need to try our best!
      Linda
      ps. I look forward to networking with you!

      Reply

  22. Mike Johnson Says:

    I really like your post keep posting linda.
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  23. Alex@gifts for wife Says:

    Nice categories, but my opinion is we need all those type of friends for our personal growth. Imperfect friends show me my own flaws and give me opportunities to correct them.
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  24. healthy life is easy Says:

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    Reply

  25. computer support tampa Says:

    I completely agree on your post. Thanks for the post on your blog. keep writing.
    Thanks linda for the post.
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  26. Steve Shoemaker Says:

    Linda this is a great post and a great break down of some different personality types. Most people are a blend but with stronger tendencies I believe I have seen people behave in the strangest ways. I would have to say could you really call a “c” a friend at all?

    Steve
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  27. Linda Thomas Says:

    Hi Linda,
    I really like this post! I had some great “A” friends growing up in my Mom and my Great Grandparents. I cannot tell you how much I appreciate and love these special people in my life. They are very much a part of who I am today, for in their eyes, I was special. This is awesome for self-esteem, love, leadership, friendships…tons of things!

    This past year I had to let a “C” type go. I did not like to have to “let go” like this, but I was allowing this person to consume too much of my thoughts and it was dragging me down. I wish them well.

    I guess all of us are a mix of A, B, and C, so this is a great way to explain it and allows us to adjust accordingly!

    Thanks again!
    Linda

    Reply

    • Linda Grace Says:

      Linda,
      It’s fun that we can see the loving “A” people in our lives! Like you, I was fortunate to be surrounded by them growing up too. It’s difficult letting go of people who bring us down. It’s hard when we feel we can bring them up. Unfortunately, you know, the only people we can change is ourselves!
      Linda
      ps. don’t you have an account with Comluv.com? We might have had this conversation before~ if not, here’s a post about it~htttp://lindagraceonline.com/getting-the-most-out-of-wordpress-commentluv-plugin/ I’ll email you in case you don’t see this.

      Reply

  28. Joel@Ellensburg Real Estate Says:

    I have learned most people tend to be negative, especially towards other people. I guess that would fall into the C category. I always look for positive people to surround me as it lifts me up.

    Reply

  29. Angela@Dog fleas Says:

    Friendship is the best relationship one must have had in his/her life. Friends should not be labeled as brands, they are the most precious gifts god has gifted to us..
    According to you, even if we have got “C” friend, its our duty yo make them “A” by giving them love and affection and them realize that what they meant in our life…
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    • Linda Grace Says:

      Angela~
      Well, that’s not exactly what Kellie and Pauline meant when they wrote this post. They were suggesting we need to focus on being the kind, loving friend that helps all around them feel good about themeselves, a “Type A” friend, and by so doing, attract type A people in our lives. When we are that type of friends, if ‘toxic’ people appear, we need to set limits for yourselves and allow them fade away. It sounds like you’re getting caught up in the “label” of A, B, and C. I know that Kellie and Pauline realize that we can’t ‘make’ anybody be anything they don’t want to be!
      Linda

      Reply

  30. waterpearls Says:

    hi Linda,Nice and interesting topic.You give a very good analysis of friendship categories but I always prefer to have friendships with A-type friends but I am also not negative for B & C type.Most of the people like me because of my A type nature.
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    • Linda Grace Says:

      I’m glad you enjoyed this post! Actually it was written by guest authors, Kellie Frazier and Pauline Victoria. FYI, Pauline was born with no legs and no arms! She is an amazing person! And both of those ladies are type A personalities!!! I’m grateful I’m type A by nature also! Hey, what’s your name?
      Linda

      Reply

  31. haley Says:

    te interesting thing about this for me is that I used to be a C and when I read it I did wonder why anyone would want to hang around with someone who was like that. I would say I am a B now and I think thats where I will stay. I dont think I will go out of my way to be a wonderful friend but where I can do a little that is enough as its all I would expect from others. I think there are a lot of people who might be classed as “a” of the surface but I think they will actually be quite fake!
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    • Linda Grace Says:

      Haley,
      I can see what you’re saying. People might be faking it to get what they want, and that’s a bummer for them. I think you are right not wanting to be one of them. But I think it’s important to set limits for ourselves. As an A person we need to be loving and kind, and if we feel like staying out of the loop we can kindly tell people we want to be alone. No insults, no back biting, no excuses, just stay home and do what we want. Does that make sense?
      Linda

      Reply

  32. Lois L. Wooten@Michael Carabini Says:

    Most of the people believe that their love is somewhere around and they will have to go in search of that. And some more believe that they will have to do something special to find their love.

    Reply

  33. Susie@ Rug Appraisal Los Angeles Says:

    So true! I knew some people that the minute I saw their name pop on my caller ID, my eyes would roll immediately. What’s the reason that we even consider these people “friends”? I hope I am considered an “A” friend to others. In fact, I’m almost positive I am. Thanks for sharing this article. Makes me evaluate who is bringing me down in life.

    Reply

  34. Joshua@Plumbing training Says:

    I have suffered a great deal of loss due to C type friends, not just financial but social also. What else could you expect from such people. However, what I believe is that being genuine is the first point, criticizing in a friendly manner and not interfering in their personal matters are the second and third points respectively.
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    • Linda Grace Says:

      Joshua,
      I agree, being genuine is very important. What do you mean by criticizing in a friendly manner? I believe that we need to be a type A friend and expect to attract them to us.
      Linda

      Reply

      • Joshua@Plumbing training Says:

        Criticizing in a friendly matter means telling them the truth in a way that makes them realize their mistakes, not that makes them hate us, nor do we get to override them unnecessarily. If they are really true, they will surely understand our point. And those A type friends are really hard to find!
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  35. Antonia@Conversational hypnosis Says:

    Most friends we get in life come from school, work, social groups we can’t avoid by choice. So we just take them as they come, type A are pretty rare and i haven’t met one of those yet.
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    • Linda Grace Says:

      Ahhh Antonia,
      You must have some type A friends? I have found just like Pauline and Kellie said in the article, the only person we have control over is ourselves. We need to become A friends and attract A friends and I can tell by your blog, you are!
      Linda

      Reply

  36. chai Says:

    Errr, I tend be a bad judge for characters because I fail to find an A friend. All I have are the B and the C.
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  37. Amit@Forklift Training Says:

    I was never very “friendly” and mad made friends hard. But i’d like tot think that the few friends i had/have are from the A category.
    When you’re picky you tend to get the best :)
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  38. Tara @ Testosterone Treatment Says:

    Even though I haven’t actually categorized myself or my friendships in this way, I have always tried to be in that A list and also to surround myself with other people who are the same way. Of course I’ve had friends who fit more of the B and C criteria in my life, but I think over the years I’ve managed to weed those out so that only the good ones remain!

    Reply

  39. Chris@Pioneer AVIC-Z120BT Says:

    Hi Linda,

    How would you classify that sad type of friend who has what might be described as an obsessive type? I guess by that I mean the lame-duck friends that gentler folks often seem to have tagging along because they’re too nice to say no. I currently have a ‘friend’ who’s company I enjoyed initially until it became VERY obsessive–constant phone-calls and texting; expecting that we would hang out several times a week and went I couldn’t, asked me if I saw the ‘void’ that was developing in our friendship. I’m not sure this classifies as love and encouragement, nor yet as negativity per se.
    What do you think? I suppose it’s really codependency.

    Reply

    • Linda Grace Says:

      Chris,
      That is a very difficult situation! I think you need to set limits for yourself with your friend. Say something like, “We’ve spent so much time together, why don’t we make an appointment to have dinner next week sometime?” If that doesn’t stop the obsession, be painfully honest with him/her and tell the truth. “I feel …..about…because…” You know, I’m frustrated when you’re always wanting to talk to me because I have a busy life and I can’t devote all my time to one person.” Good Luck! Let me know what you decide to do!
      Linda
      ps. It only codependency if you are equal in the need to have this person needing you!

      Reply

  40. Char@discount Says:

    A best friend is so hard 2 come by… and sometimes you don’t realize at the time how great a friend is! When you can be yourself 100% around your friend and you know that no matter what they won’t judge you for your wrongs, but guide and advise you to a better path, you know you’ve found someone special!
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  41. Ana @ Dias Fertiles Says:

    I recognize some of the things that you described about Bs in my behaviour. I am always aware of the love, but sometimes I tend to push it away.

    Honestly, I’m a bit of a loner and constant exchange of emotions and energy exhausts me far too much. Even though those things are positive.

    However, I try not to hurt anyone with my actions.
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    • Linda Grace Says:

      Ana,
      It sounds like you have made decisions to set limits for yourself, you are aware of what makes you what you are and you choose to be kind. If you are aware and make choices accordingly I think that’s great!!
      Linda

      Reply

  42. Luke Johnson Says:

    Mostly people are staying away from C’s type of friends like a negative type of person because their are possibilities they will tear you down.And we all know there are people who do not know how to handle them..

    Luke Johnson

    Reply

  43. Okita Hijikata Says:

    Every individual in this world can be categorized as the A, B, or C friend. Although it’s a rare occurrence to have an A standing by your side at all times, the B and C kinds are the best companions to have because their “imperfections” give us a chance to truly understand their feelings, correcting and repairing their flaws along the way. As such, this gives us the opportunity to meet new kinds of people who have their fair share of imperfections.

    Reply

  44. CNA Training, Says:

    G’Day! Lindagraceonline,
    This question may be a little off-topic, Matt Serra is out with a injury for the Dec 29 fight against Matt Hughes (the most dominant welter weight in UFC history). Hughes is a machine. He has won 41 fights with the same wrestling style over his career which says something for the guy. Most fighters with one style get picked apart early in their career but Matt has proven he can over come almost anyone. He’s a strong, hard working, tough farm kid with a “Must Win” mentality. And all the power to him! He had a ton of fans prior to the UFC’s Ultimate Fighter series where he coached and then came off as cocky and a bully. Call him what you will, anyone with wins over BJ Penn, Carlos Newton, Georges St Pierre & Hayato Sakurai is a machine. No matter what happens in the future he is a champion and a role model for MMA fighters. His work ethic and ability to find a way to win are incredible and as a competitor you just have to respect the guy.
    Regards

    Reply

  45. Ivan@search engine optimisation Says:

    I needed to thank you for this very good read!! I certainly loved every
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