USE ENCOURAGING WORDS With Your Kids

Tue, Mar 2, 2010

Kids Self-Esteem

Encouragement: Building Confidence and Feelings of Worth
1. Encouragement is the process of focusing on your children’s assets and strengths in order to build their self-confidence and feelings of worth.
2. Focus on what is good about the child or the situation. See the positive!
3. Accept your children as they are. Don’t make your love and acceptance dependent on their behavior.
4. Have faith in your children so they can come to believe in themselves.
5. Let your children know their worth. Recognize improvement and effort, not just accomplishment.
6. Respect your children. It will lay the foundation of their self-respect.
7. Praise is reserved for things well done. It implies a sprit of competition. Encouragement is given for effort or improvement. It implies a spirit of cooperation.
8. The most powerful forces in human relationships are expectations. We can influence a person’s behavior by changing our expectations of the person.
9. Lack of faith in children helps them to anticipate failure.
10. Standards that are too high invite failure and discouragement.
11. Avoid subtle encouragement of competition between brothers and sisters.
12. Avoid using discouraging words and actions.
13. Avoid tacking qualifiers to your words of encouragement. Don’t give with one hand and take away with the other.
Systematic Training for Effective Parenting by Don C. Dinkmeyer Sr., Gary D. McKay, Don C. Dinkmeyer Jr.

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97 Responses to “USE ENCOURAGING WORDS With Your Kids”

  1. Darlene Davis Says:

    Oh Linda,

    There are two steps that I hone in on: No. 3, loving and accepting our children regardless of their behavior; and No. 8, not allowing our expectations to rule us.

    I’ve had a painful recent experience with one of my kids where I didn’t employ those two steps to the best of my ability; however, it was a learning experience … we move on, right?

    Thanks for sharing and reinforcing these steps. We have no greater gift than being a parent!
    .-= Darlene Davis´s last blog ..Cirque du Soleil Insights =-.

    Reply

    • Linda Grace Says:

      I can tell that you are a really good mother! You recognize your mistakes and be the example for your kids by correcting them, and moving on! It takes a life-time to be a good parent, and a good kid!

      Reply

  2. Young_one Says:

    You have really great taste on catch article titles, even when you are not interested in this topic you push to read it

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  3. youngie Says:

    You have to express more your opinion to attract more readers, because just a video or plain text without any personal approach is not that valuable. But it is just form my point of view

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  4. priya from children sleepwalking Says:

    i think you are right since this things will help children in making there thoughts better and nice. keep it up

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  5. manu from Fire truck shirts Says:

    Thanks for writing about this. You’ve got a bunch of really good collection of information here on your website.
    Thanks mate.

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  6. Ines Pradhan Says:

    Hi – I would like to say thank you for an interesting site about a subject I have had an interest in for a while now. I have been looking in and reading the posts avidly so just wanted to express my thanks for providing me with some very good reading material. I look forward to more, and taking a more active part in the discussions here, whilst learning too!!

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  9. Aiping Wang Says:

    Help a friend quit smoking by consistently being there as an encouragement to them. Support their goal to stop smoking with enthusiasm and vigor — this well help them face their smoking demon. The power of a supportive family member or friend is amazing to anyone who is trying to quit smoking.

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  10. Holly from school comms Says:

    You’d be surprised how many parents don’t follow this advice. A lot of parents see failure in their children as failure in themselves and so do everything to prevent it but in the process end up seeming harsh and unforgiving to their children.

    Reply

    • Linda Grace Says:

      I totally understand! I have watched many children and their parents~ it’s very sad! You are right on recognizing the insecurities of everyone involved! Insecurity often leads to emotional pain! In this case in both the parents and the children’s lives!

      Thank you for visiting my blog and leaving a comment! If you’d like to attach a picture to your comment, visit here http://lindagraceonline.com/get-the-focus-on-you/ and I’ll hold your hand!

      Reply

  11. Baby Gates Says:

    Linda Grace is awesome.I love reading and seeing your stuff. It’s so encouraging!
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  12. Kevin from baby gate Says:

    I have a 8 month old and sometimes I am terrified of not raising her right. With some of your advices im a little more confident. Thank you

    Reply

  13. Tine Says:

    This is great and enjoy reading all the info here. I to am worried about my daughter as she gets older and the choices she will make. This site helps me feel more secure during this process. Thank you

    Reply

    • Linda Grace Says:

      Tine,
      Isn’t it the worry of all mothers? We do the best we can then hope and pray!
      I see you don’t have a Gravatar! I created a post to show you how to get this simple and free account! Check this out here: http://lindagraceonline.com/get-the-focus-on-you/ When people can see your face they have a tendency to trust you more and turn into customers more quickly!
      Linda

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  14. Harold Says:

    Hi Linda,

    I absolutely agree with the points you elaborated here.

    But for me, showing our children that we love and care for them is enough for them to be encouraged. Parents, for me, are not guardians; we are their guide.

    They will be more encouraged if we let them do what they think is right for them but guide them if they lose track.

    Again, parents are not guardians, we are their guide; their angel.

    Regards,

    Harold

    My Blog: Vapor For Life

    Reply

    • Linda Grace Says:

      Harold,
      I appreciate what you’re saying. I remember (it might be on another post, I can’t remember :) I used to think that I was responsible for making my children happy. When I could no longer take them on hikes and camping etc. because of multiple sclerosis, I learned that we are all responsible to make ourselves happy! Just like you said, we are their guide. Thank you for visiting my blog!
      linda

      Reply

  15. Kate Lifecell Reviews Says:

    Such heartfelt advice that we all need to heed with our children. Your post of “use encouraging words” should be posted up everywhere. These days with the hustle and bustle of the world it is easy to forget our priorities.

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  16. Dance Cruise Says:

    Thanks for providing those golden tips. As a parent one has to look for positive ways to encourage the children, which is pivotal to the child’s development.

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  17. Kaycee Says:

    I just love your post. Good t.o know that you have included #4 and #5 in your list. I think these are the most important ones.

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  18. Hank Jones Says:

    I believe in the power of encouragement and positive thinking. I think that a great deal of what builds us up as a person is the amount of self confidence we have. With a high esteem, a child can dare to dream of bigger things and greater heights to achieve. Thank you for reminding us these things.

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  19. Jeff the Shed Guy Says:

    Thanks for the reminder! Sometimes I had horrible times with my kids. Instead of using putdowns or criticism I should use more encouraging words to them. I know there is nothing more important or as simple as giving our children generous doses of encouraging words. It costs us so little in time and effort, but the rewards is priceless.

    Even though I had fight with my kids sometimes but still I never forget to tell them “I love you” every day as I drop them off at school.

    Jeff the Shed Guy
    Project Manager
    Visit us at http://homeimprovementu.com
    Jeff the Shed Guy recently posted..Homeowner Liability:  Dorothy, This Isn’t Kansas Anymore…..Or Is ItMy Profile

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  20. Karen Says:

    Hi Linda!

    You have a wonderful advice in there. Such a great advice from a wonderful mom like you. I really do believe that using encouraging words to your children can really help a lot in motivating them and for them to have self esteem. You’re really doing a great job in here Linda.

    Regards,
    Karen

    Reply

  21. angelle torrejas Says:

    Yes, I agree for both of you Linda & Karen, ,, No one is perfect in this world, all we are commit some mistakes.
    But it depends on us, on how we handled that wrong into a good..
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    • Linda Grace Says:

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  23. Theresa from Dr. Schmid Says:

    This is a nice post Linda, Such a great advice. and i agree that using encouraging words to your children can really help a lot in motivating them and to have self esteem. well done and keep it up!

    Reply

    • Linda Grace Says:

      Thersea,
      Thank you for visiting my blog! I see you understand the importance of encouraging the children! I also see you’re an online marketer and I have the greatest online marketing technique to share with you! iWowWee is the future right in our hands! Video Email is where it’s at and iWowWee is the company to provide it! Free video email forever! If you want to be an affiliate, the cost is unbelievably affordable! And the compensation plan is amazing! I’d love it if you’d join my team and let me help you succeed! Sign up for free and get your shoe in the door. http://iWowWe.com/LindaGraceCox Sign up and I’ll see you on the other side!
      Linda

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  24. steve from Portable computer Says:

    This is a great post! such an inspiring post! i really enjoyed reading it and thanks a lot for sharing this post .

    Reply

    • Linda Grace Says:

      Steve,
      Thank you for visiting my blog! It’s all about raising up or children with kindness!
      I have awesome to share with you! iWowWee is the future right in our hands! Video Email is where it’s at and iWowWee is the company to provide it! Free video email forever! If you want to be an affiliate, the cost is unbelievably affordable! And the compensation plan is amazing! I’d love it if you’d join my team and let me help you succeed! Sign up for free and get your shoe in the door. http://iWowWe.com/LindaGraceCox Sign up and I’ll see you on the other side!
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  25. Glenebay Says:

    Nice post! Very impressive.. This is very helpful article to all the kids. My sister look through magazines and picture books and cut out or point out pictures of people doing different things. She encourage her child to tell you what they are doing. Well, I will tell my sister about this blog. thanks for the tips!

    Reply

  26. danica Says:

    Great post. The USE ENCOURAGING WORDS are very useful and helpful. This is such a great post i have read. I am going to share this post to my aunt and i’m sure she will be agree with this one.

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  27. John Lloyd Says:

    Speak encouraging words to the children in your life as often as you can. Focusing on the positive things they do (or have recently done), even when their behavior begins to head in the wrong direction, encourages them to choose the right behavior you are reinforcing with praise. Thanks for the informative and interesting article Linda!!

    Reply

  28. Jason Says:

    Encouragement is the process of focusing on your children’s assets and strengths in order to build their self-confidence and feelings of worth. I like to think of the word “encourage” as “en”courage, or giving the gift of courage. Inherent in that gift is the idea that it is okay to take risks and perhaps even to fail – the important thing is to go ahead and try it anyway. When we give a child encouragement, we are saying to keep trying, keep up with the progress, and to celebrate the journey, not just the victory.

    Reply

  29. Dazel Says:

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  30. chai Says:

    Being a mom, I’m really very cautious about my behavior when it comes to my 6 year old daughter.

    Reply

  31. Phil Says:

    Hi Linda! I just want to drop by to say how effective your tips are. My son is quite bashful and doesn’t want to play with other kids at times. I applied your encouragement tips and it works! He’s gradually improving in terms of dealing with other kids and he’s now actively participating in school. Thanks for this.
    Phil recently posted..Squeeze Page Generator – Build Squeeze Pages Instantly… updated Fri Jun 3 2011 7:01 am CDTMy Profile

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  32. chai Says:

    Hi Linda, it’s just that I always tend to lose my patience easily because of some pressures and I don’t want to take it out on my kid since I’m the only one she got.

    Reply

    • Linda Grace Says:

      Chai,
      I understand how lack of sleep and other pressure make it harder to be kind! I’m the perfect example of that! Is there anyway you can figure out a way to get more sleep and relieve the pressure you are under? I honestly want to know!
      Linda

      Reply

  33. Denz from lifecell Says:

    Encouraging our kids is the best we can do. I believe on your points there. =) It makes them strong and keeps them away from depressions.

    Reply

  34. honey Says:

    This is such a great post Linda. Your such a smart women huh,i learn something new today. To USE ENCOURAGING WORDS With Your Kids is very important because with this ENCOURAGING WORDS you can build a good relationships between you and your kids :) . I am going to share this to my aunt. Thank you so much for sharing your useful post Linda ;) .

    Reply

  35. OMDS Says:

    Superb analysis about encouragement. Would love to see more motivating articles in future.

    Reply

  36. Eva Says:

    Wow, that was beautiful to read! I have printed this and am going to place it by the computer. I love my little one and I know encouraging her a little every day will go a long way not only for our relationship, but for her life! Thank you!

    Reply

  37. Joan Jimson Says:

    I just want to share this verse I truly believe in:

    Proverbs 22:6

    “Train up a child in the way he should go: and when he is old, he will not depart from it.”

    Children are trainable. If you raise them the right way, they’ll definitely grow decent and will become assets to society.

    Joan Jimson
    My Site: BedBugBully.com
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  39. chai Says:

    Honestly Lind, I do things I love. One thing that stresses me is that I don’t have enough finances to pay the bills and yet I work so hard. I lose weight over this one but believe it or not, try to sing your heart out. I mean, we do karaoke here in the Philippines. All I did was sing on the karaoke in my house. I love singing very much that’s why I do it. Then don’t let yourself surrounded by annoying and negative people. That’s all I could give you..

    Reply

  40. Katie Says:

    The information you post is really very good. Your site provides a source of information and inspiration to everyone. In my opinion, there are two steps that I hone in on that is, loving and accepting our children regardless of their behavior; and not allowing our expectations to rule us. I think the way it would be helpful.

    Reply

    • Linda Grace Says:

      Katie,
      You are right in my opinion! Love and acceptance of the child while disciplining the behavior is the way it needs to happen. Love the child, not the behavior and hope they will behave!
      Linda
      I’ve probably already encouraged you to get a Gravatar, none the less, you still need one! A picture connected to your comment is what you need! I’ve created a post to show you how! Click right here and I’ll walk you through! http://lindagraceonline.com/get-the-focus-on-you/

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  42. austin defense attorneys Says:

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  43. Tara from Testosterone Treatment Says:

    Linda – this is a wonderful list. In reading over it, I found myself nodding silently because my parents did all of these things for me and I know that if/when I have little ones of my own I will do my best to do the same for them. Thanks for posting this :)

    -Tara

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  44. Helen Says:

    Hey Linda, these are all good suggestions. I think it is really important for parents to create a positive atmosphere at home and to use encouraging words with our children. They deal with so much negativity at school, and out in the world in general, that we truly do need to create an oasis for them at home. Unfortunately, there are just so many out there who get virtually no parenting… it makes me worry about our future.

    Reply

    • Linda Grace Says:

      Helen,
      You are not alone~I worry about the future too! Just yesterday I was in the waiting for my daughter to finish her shopping at the department store and I saw a mom, her friend (or sister?) with their 3 children shopping. The son, probably 8 years old, sat down on the floor close to the wall. His mom very sternly said get up. He said, “Mom, I’m not touching the wall or anything.” Mom said again with the same tone of voice, “Get up, 5, 4, 3…” It felt like she was showing off for her friend. I was sad for the boy.
      Linda

      Reply

  45. Genie Says:

    Hello Linda!

    I was mesmerized by your point of view that dealing with your kids is never an easy thing. It’s was the most noble thing. You really need to guide your child accordingly.I just wished I can get a lot from you Lin cos it’s really difficult to raise your child alone.
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  46. Graham from Procera AVH Says:

    What you say here is so true. I think some parents are just not aware of the effect they can have on the long term happiness or success of their kids. The self image a child forms in its formative years can have such a dramatic effect on the kind of person they become later in life.

    I almost feel like stepping in when I see a parent berate their child, telling a child how bad they are, or that they are no good at a particular activity, can have a profound effect on how they see themselves. We should all try and develop an environment that is both nuturing and encouraging!

    Reply

    • Linda Grace Says:

      Graham,
      It is difficult not step in when we see it! I want to buy the CD series, “Parenting with Love and Logic” to slip into the hands of the parents emotionally abusing their children!
      Linda

      Reply

  47. Jeff from 1031 Investment Opportunities Says:

    Yeah. I agree.. There we’re no other words that pushes your children to go to the real world that encouraging them to do good and orient them what would be happened if they would not follow the right path. But, sometimes too it is not good to be a perfectionist because that would make them difficult when they got failed.

    Reply

  48. William from Repossesed Cars Says:

    Hi Linda!

    I agree with all of this facts, as a father I always use to encourage my kids for doing things they love to do and of course I also never stop to keep on reminding them for not doing things that would not be pleasing to the eyes of other person. Great post Linda, lots of inspiration and encouragement. Thanks!
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  54. Phone Directory Says:

    Another tip I have learned is not to punish the child while still angry. I wait until I have peace of mind again. Then go about things.
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  55. Alec Janes Says:

    I loved this article because it gave me all kinds of encouragement of my own that I am doing the right thing when it comes to raising my kids. It’s almost like identify the owner of an unknown wireless call with a Google cell phone directory.
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  57. best dog food Says:

    This is one awesome post, for parents out there and for everyone who have kids in their homes. Encouraging words are very essential tools for the mental and psychosocial growth of every child, especially in times where they’re dealing with life stressors. Kids may not show it sometimes but they appreciate those encouraging words you give, especially when they make mistakes or when they’re down and you say these things, they feel secure and safe.

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  58. Theo from mold removal Says:

    Always treat your children good and appraise them if they do good. It helps them to build more self-esteem. Encourage them with their skills!

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  59. Jason Says:

    Since I was a little boy I am quite aware what my parents’ relationship status is. My “tatay”(father) always starts an argument with my “nanay” ending up into exchange of foul words and then battering.

    I just don’t get it. How come they act this way? I consider myself pitiful. That early “DARK” awareness really affected my whole personality. And now, that I am a father, I am trying my best not to repeat the history.
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    • Linda Grace Says:

      Jason,
      Thank you for sharing. I am happy for your kids that you are willing to learn to break the cycle of abuse. It is not easy thing to do but you can! Find a loved one, process the pain that you felt as a child, allow yourself to feel it and let it go. I know it sounds simple but it’s not easy! The ebook I give away on the front page of this site will take you through the process! I suggest you put your name and email address and get the ebook!
      Linda

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