Encouragement: Building Confidence and Feelings of Worth
1. Encouragement is the process of focusing on your children’s assets and strengths in order to build their self-confidence and feelings of worth.
2. Focus on what is good about the child or the situation. See the positive!
3. Accept your children as they are. Don’t make your love and acceptance dependent on their behavior.
4. Have faith in your children so they can come to believe in themselves.
5. Let your children know their worth. Recognize improvement and effort, not just accomplishment.
6. Respect your children. It will lay the foundation of their self-respect.
7. Praise is reserved for things well done. It implies a sprit of competition. Encouragement is given for effort or improvement. It implies a spirit of cooperation.
8. The most powerful forces in human relationships are expectations. We can influence a person’s behavior by changing our expectations of the person.
9. Lack of faith in children helps them to anticipate failure.
10. Standards that are too high invite failure and discouragement.
11. Avoid subtle encouragement of competition between brothers and sisters.
12. Avoid using discouraging words and actions.
13. Avoid tacking qualifiers to your words of encouragement. Don’t give with one hand and take away with the other.
Systematic Training for Effective Parenting by Don C. Dinkmeyer Sr., Gary D. McKay, Don C. Dinkmeyer Jr.
March 3rd, 2010 at 7:00 pm
Oh Linda,
There are two steps that I hone in on: No. 3, loving and accepting our children regardless of their behavior; and No. 8, not allowing our expectations to rule us.
I’ve had a painful recent experience with one of my kids where I didn’t employ those two steps to the best of my ability; however, it was a learning experience … we move on, right?
Thanks for sharing and reinforcing these steps. We have no greater gift than being a parent!
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March 3rd, 2010 at 9:48 pm
I can tell that you are a really good mother! You recognize your mistakes and be the example for your kids by correcting them, and moving on! It takes a life-time to be a good parent, and a good kid!
March 10th, 2010 at 4:00 pm
You have really great taste on catch article titles, even when you are not interested in this topic you push to read it
March 13th, 2010 at 4:42 pm
I’m glad you’re here! When you come back, check out http://lindagraceonline.com/get-the-focus-on-you/ and get a Gravatar! Then we’ll all be able to see who you are!!
March 13th, 2010 at 10:32 am
You have to express more your opinion to attract more readers, because just a video or plain text without any personal approach is not that valuable. But it is just form my point of view
March 14th, 2010 at 10:57 pm
Well said, thank you! I usually do, because I agree! I like to hear stories more than lists! I’ll be careful! Hey, you should get a picture linked to your comments so we can see who we’re talking to, it’s all about personal branding! It’s a free and easy! I’ll hold your hand if you’d like! http://lindagraceonline.com/get-the-focus-on-you/
March 17th, 2010 at 12:01 pm
i think you are right since this things will help children in making there thoughts better and nice. keep it up
March 20th, 2010 at 9:06 am
I’m glad you agree! As we teach by example, we’ll makde the world a better place!
March 20th, 2010 at 2:15 pm
Thank you! With that attitude, the children in your life will benefit! Hey why don’t you connect a picture to your comments? http://lindagraceonline.com/get-the-focus-on-you/ It’s free and easy!
March 23rd, 2010 at 2:30 am
Thanks for writing about this. You’ve got a bunch of really good collection of information here on your website.
Thanks mate.
March 26th, 2010 at 5:52 am
Thank you! Why don’t you get a picture connected to your comments? Go here and I’ll walk you through it – http://lindagraceonline.com/get-the-focus-on-you/
March 24th, 2010 at 2:56 am
Hi – I would like to say thank you for an interesting site about a subject I have had an interest in for a while now. I have been looking in and reading the posts avidly so just wanted to express my thanks for providing me with some very good reading material. I look forward to more, and taking a more active part in the discussions here, whilst learning too!!
March 26th, 2010 at 5:50 am
I love it! My all-time favorite subject–Parenting! I would love to hear from you too! Hey Ines, why don’t you get a picture connected to your comments? Go here and I’ll walk you through it! http://lindagraceonline.com/get-the-focus-on-you/
April 1st, 2010 at 8:05 pm
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May 3rd, 2010 at 12:29 pm
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June 18th, 2010 at 2:10 am
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June 18th, 2010 at 6:39 am
Thank you Aiping for showing us how encouraging words help in a real-life situation!
August 26th, 2010 at 6:57 am
You’d be surprised how many parents don’t follow this advice. A lot of parents see failure in their children as failure in themselves and so do everything to prevent it but in the process end up seeming harsh and unforgiving to their children.
August 26th, 2010 at 11:51 am
I totally understand! I have watched many children and their parents~ it’s very sad! You are right on recognizing the insecurities of everyone involved! Insecurity often leads to emotional pain! In this case in both the parents and the children’s lives!
Thank you for visiting my blog and leaving a comment! If you’d like to attach a picture to your comment, visit here http://lindagraceonline.com/get-the-focus-on-you/ and I’ll hold your hand!
January 17th, 2011 at 8:58 am
Linda Grace is awesome.I love reading and seeing your stuff. It’s so encouraging!
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July 1st, 2011 at 5:54 pm
Baby Gates,
I look forward to knowing your name! I so enjoyed raising my kids and I know for a fact that using encouraging words helps!
Linda
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February 19th, 2011 at 10:25 am
I have a 8 month old and sometimes I am terrified of not raising her right. With some of your advices im a little more confident. Thank you
April 25th, 2011 at 7:46 am
This is great and enjoy reading all the info here. I to am worried about my daughter as she gets older and the choices she will make. This site helps me feel more secure during this process. Thank you
April 26th, 2011 at 7:21 am
Tine,
Isn’t it the worry of all mothers? We do the best we can then hope and pray!
I see you don’t have a Gravatar! I created a post to show you how to get this simple and free account! Check this out here: http://lindagraceonline.com/get-the-focus-on-you/ When people can see your face they have a tendency to trust you more and turn into customers more quickly!
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April 26th, 2011 at 2:44 am
Hi Linda,
I absolutely agree with the points you elaborated here.
But for me, showing our children that we love and care for them is enough for them to be encouraged. Parents, for me, are not guardians; we are their guide.
They will be more encouraged if we let them do what they think is right for them but guide them if they lose track.
Again, parents are not guardians, we are their guide; their angel.
Regards,
Harold
My Blog: Vapor For Life
April 26th, 2011 at 7:12 am
Harold,
I used to think that I was responsible for making my children happy. When I could no longer take them on hikes and camping etc. because of multiple sclerosis, I learned that we are all responsible to make ourselves happy! Just like you said, we are their guide. Thank you for visiting my blog!
I appreciate what you’re saying. I remember (it might be on another post, I can’t remember
linda
April 26th, 2011 at 11:18 am
Such heartfelt advice that we all need to heed with our children. Your post of “use encouraging words” should be posted up everywhere. These days with the hustle and bustle of the world it is easy to forget our priorities.
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April 28th, 2011 at 7:15 pm
Thanks for providing those golden tips. As a parent one has to look for positive ways to encourage the children, which is pivotal to the child’s development.
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May 2nd, 2011 at 4:59 pm
I just love your post. Good t.o know that you have included #4 and #5 in your list. I think these are the most important ones.
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May 2nd, 2011 at 5:41 pm
Kaycee,
I agree completely! Our kids need to feel our acceptance!
Linda
ps. I noticed you don’t have a gravatar! Connecting an image to your comment (actually to your email address) is very important! It’s simple and free! Check out this post and I’ll walk you through it! http://lindagraceonline.com/get-the-focus-on-you/
May 16th, 2011 at 6:00 pm
I believe in the power of encouragement and positive thinking. I think that a great deal of what builds us up as a person is the amount of self confidence we have. With a high esteem, a child can dare to dream of bigger things and greater heights to achieve. Thank you for reminding us these things.
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May 17th, 2011 at 6:03 am
Hank,
I couldn’t agree with you more!
Linda
ps. Why don’t you get a Gravatar, a picture connected to your comments?! I created a post to show you how to get this simple and free account! Check this out here: http://lindagraceonline.com/get-the-focus-on-you/ When people can see your face they have a tendency to trust you more and turn into customers more quickly.
May 25th, 2011 at 8:12 am
Thanks for the reminder! Sometimes I had horrible times with my kids. Instead of using putdowns or criticism I should use more encouraging words to them. I know there is nothing more important or as simple as giving our children generous doses of encouraging words. It costs us so little in time and effort, but the rewards is priceless.
Even though I had fight with my kids sometimes but still I never forget to tell them “I love you” every day as I drop them off at school.
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May 28th, 2011 at 12:38 pm
Jeff,
I don’t think any parent lives the perfect life of no mistakes! I agree, telling them you love them is very important!
Linda
ps. Why don’t you get a Gravatar, a picture connected to your comments? I’ll show you how here http://lindagraceonline.com/get-the-focus-on-you/ then leave another comment and let me see!
May 27th, 2011 at 8:29 am
Hi Linda!
You have a wonderful advice in there. Such a great advice from a wonderful mom like you. I really do believe that using encouraging words to your children can really help a lot in motivating them and for them to have self esteem. You’re really doing a great job in here Linda.
Regards,
Karen
May 27th, 2011 at 9:25 am
Thanks Karen! You must be a good mother yourself to pick up on this!
Linda
ps. Why don’t you get a Gravatar, a picture connected to your comments? I’ll show you how here http://lindagraceonline.com/get-the-focus-on-you/ then leave another comment and let me see!
Linda
June 2nd, 2011 at 9:30 pm
Yes, I agree for both of you Linda & Karen, ,, No one is perfect in this world, all we are commit some mistakes.
But it depends on us, on how we handled that wrong into a good..
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June 3rd, 2011 at 11:35 am
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June 15th, 2011 at 12:50 am
Hello Linda….
Thanks for the reply..and the site that you give me…
June 15th, 2011 at 4:58 pm
Hey Angelle, Why don’t you get a Gravatar, a picture connected to your comments?! I created a post to show you how to get this simple and free account! Check this out here: http://lindagraceonline.com/get-the-focus-on-you/
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June 6th, 2011 at 5:10 pm
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June 6th, 2011 at 5:36 pm
This is a nice post Linda, Such a great advice. and i agree that using encouraging words to your children can really help a lot in motivating them and to have self esteem. well done and keep it up!
June 7th, 2011 at 6:16 am
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June 6th, 2011 at 5:43 pm
This is a great post! such an inspiring post! i really enjoyed reading it and thanks a lot for sharing this post .
June 7th, 2011 at 6:13 am
Steve,
Thank you for visiting my blog! It’s all about raising up or children with kindness!
I have awesome to share with you! iWowWee is the future right in our hands! Video Email is where it’s at and iWowWee is the company to provide it! Free video email forever! If you want to be an affiliate, the cost is unbelievably affordable! And the compensation plan is amazing! I’d love it if you’d join my team and let me help you succeed! Sign up for free and get your shoe in the door. http://iWowWe.com/LindaGraceCox Sign up and I’ll see you on the other side!
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June 7th, 2011 at 6:29 pm
Nice post! Very impressive.. This is very helpful article to all the kids. My sister look through magazines and picture books and cut out or point out pictures of people doing different things. She encourage her child to tell you what they are doing. Well, I will tell my sister about this blog. thanks for the tips!
June 10th, 2011 at 11:16 pm
Great post. The USE ENCOURAGING WORDS are very useful and helpful. This is such a great post i have read. I am going to share this post to my aunt and i’m sure she will be agree with this one.
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June 12th, 2011 at 5:22 pm
Speak encouraging words to the children in your life as often as you can. Focusing on the positive things they do (or have recently done), even when their behavior begins to head in the wrong direction, encourages them to choose the right behavior you are reinforcing with praise. Thanks for the informative and interesting article Linda!!
June 13th, 2011 at 11:24 pm
Encouragement is the process of focusing on your children’s assets and strengths in order to build their self-confidence and feelings of worth. I like to think of the word “encourage” as “en”courage, or giving the gift of courage. Inherent in that gift is the idea that it is okay to take risks and perhaps even to fail – the important thing is to go ahead and try it anyway. When we give a child encouragement, we are saying to keep trying, keep up with the progress, and to celebrate the journey, not just the victory.
June 14th, 2011 at 9:58 pm
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June 15th, 2011 at 11:17 pm
Being a mom, I’m really very cautious about my behavior when it comes to my 6 year old daughter.
June 17th, 2011 at 11:27 pm
Chai,
Why cautious with your 6 yr old daughter?
Linda
June 18th, 2011 at 1:10 am
Hi Linda! I just want to drop by to say how effective your tips are. My son is quite bashful and doesn’t want to play with other kids at times. I applied your encouragement tips and it works! He’s gradually improving in terms of dealing with other kids and he’s now actively participating in school. Thanks for this.
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June 18th, 2011 at 7:24 am
Phil,
I’m glad you’re the positive kind of dad your son needs! Thanks for sharing~ I look forward to reading about building squeeze pages, that is on my todo list!
Linda
ps. Why don’t you get a Gravatar, a picture connected to your comments? I’ll show you how here http://lindagraceonline.com/get-the-focus-on-you/ then leave another comment and let me see!
June 19th, 2011 at 10:57 pm
Hi Linda, it’s just that I always tend to lose my patience easily because of some pressures and I don’t want to take it out on my kid since I’m the only one she got.
June 20th, 2011 at 12:07 pm
Chai,
I understand how lack of sleep and other pressure make it harder to be kind! I’m the perfect example of that! Is there anyway you can figure out a way to get more sleep and relieve the pressure you are under? I honestly want to know!
Linda
June 19th, 2011 at 11:08 pm
Encouraging our kids is the best we can do. I believe on your points there. =) It makes them strong and keeps them away from depressions.
June 20th, 2011 at 11:52 am
Denz,
Yes, we all benefit from encouraging word, the speaker and the listener alike!
Linda
June 20th, 2011 at 5:03 pm
This is such a great post Linda. Your such a smart women huh,i learn something new today. To USE ENCOURAGING WORDS With Your Kids is very important because with this ENCOURAGING WORDS you can build a good relationships between you and your kids
. I am going to share this to my aunt. Thank you so much for sharing your useful post Linda 
.
June 21st, 2011 at 1:16 pm
Honey,
Thank you for saying so!
Linda
June 21st, 2011 at 1:47 am
Superb analysis about encouragement. Would love to see more motivating articles in future.
June 21st, 2011 at 8:12 pm
Wow, that was beautiful to read! I have printed this and am going to place it by the computer. I love my little one and I know encouraging her a little every day will go a long way not only for our relationship, but for her life! Thank you!
June 22nd, 2011 at 12:30 am
Eva,
I’m glad you see the seriousness of kindness to our precious little ones!
Linda
June 22nd, 2011 at 1:12 pm
I just want to share this verse I truly believe in:
Proverbs 22:6
“Train up a child in the way he should go: and when he is old, he will not depart from it.”
Children are trainable. If you raise them the right way, they’ll definitely grow decent and will become assets to society.
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June 22nd, 2011 at 4:19 pm
Joan,
I’m with you there! I love to have the bible back up what I believe – oh wait, that’s were I got it!
Linda
June 22nd, 2011 at 4:53 pm
WOW!! This is an awesome post! I’ve been researching all day looking for this piece of information. This is exactly what I was looking for. I going to digg this for my friends to read too. Thanks! I’ll visit here again
June 23rd, 2011 at 5:07 pm
Cassandra,
Thank you for reading my blog! I agree, using encouraging words with kids will be helpful for them their entire lives!
Linda
ps. Why don’t you get a Gravatar! I created a post to show you how to get this simple and free account! Check this out here: http://lindagraceonline.com/get-the-focus-on-you/
June 26th, 2011 at 10:46 pm
Honestly Lind, I do things I love. One thing that stresses me is that I don’t have enough finances to pay the bills and yet I work so hard. I lose weight over this one but believe it or not, try to sing your heart out. I mean, we do karaoke here in the Philippines. All I did was sing on the karaoke in my house. I love singing very much that’s why I do it. Then don’t let yourself surrounded by annoying and negative people. That’s all I could give you..
July 1st, 2011 at 5:59 pm
Chai,
It sounds like you’ve found your passion, singing! It’ a bummer that money is often a limiting factor! But you’re finding your joy through singing and not allowing negative people surround you! Good Job!
Linda
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June 30th, 2011 at 5:12 pm
The information you post is really very good. Your site provides a source of information and inspiration to everyone. In my opinion, there are two steps that I hone in on that is, loving and accepting our children regardless of their behavior; and not allowing our expectations to rule us. I think the way it would be helpful.
July 1st, 2011 at 5:43 pm
Katie,
You are right in my opinion! Love and acceptance of the child while disciplining the behavior is the way it needs to happen. Love the child, not the behavior and hope they will behave!
Linda
I’ve probably already encouraged you to get a Gravatar, none the less, you still need one! A picture connected to your comment is what you need! I’ve created a post to show you how! Click right here and I’ll walk you through! http://lindagraceonline.com/get-the-focus-on-you/
July 12th, 2011 at 12:57 pm
It’s vividly written.I definitely enjoyed. Go along such way.I delighted to read such post.I liked the way you presented your information.
July 20th, 2011 at 11:56 am
I completely agreed with you.Once i read a psychological report on how encouraging words helps children to grow perfectly.here you also nicely explain this.everybody should follow this.
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July 29th, 2011 at 1:41 pm
Linda – this is a wonderful list. In reading over it, I found myself nodding silently because my parents did all of these things for me and I know that if/when I have little ones of my own I will do my best to do the same for them. Thanks for posting this
-Tara
September 12th, 2011 at 5:13 am
Hey Linda, these are all good suggestions. I think it is really important for parents to create a positive atmosphere at home and to use encouraging words with our children. They deal with so much negativity at school, and out in the world in general, that we truly do need to create an oasis for them at home. Unfortunately, there are just so many out there who get virtually no parenting… it makes me worry about our future.
September 12th, 2011 at 6:55 am
Helen,
You are not alone~I worry about the future too! Just yesterday I was in the waiting for my daughter to finish her shopping at the department store and I saw a mom, her friend (or sister?) with their 3 children shopping. The son, probably 8 years old, sat down on the floor close to the wall. His mom very sternly said get up. He said, “Mom, I’m not touching the wall or anything.” Mom said again with the same tone of voice, “Get up, 5, 4, 3…” It felt like she was showing off for her friend. I was sad for the boy.
Linda
September 28th, 2011 at 6:59 pm
Hello Linda!
I was mesmerized by your point of view that dealing with your kids is never an easy thing. It’s was the most noble thing. You really need to guide your child accordingly.I just wished I can get a lot from you Lin cos it’s really difficult to raise your child alone.
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October 6th, 2011 at 7:03 am
What you say here is so true. I think some parents are just not aware of the effect they can have on the long term happiness or success of their kids. The self image a child forms in its formative years can have such a dramatic effect on the kind of person they become later in life.
I almost feel like stepping in when I see a parent berate their child, telling a child how bad they are, or that they are no good at a particular activity, can have a profound effect on how they see themselves. We should all try and develop an environment that is both nuturing and encouraging!
October 10th, 2011 at 3:32 pm
Graham,
It is difficult not step in when we see it! I want to buy the CD series, “Parenting with Love and Logic” to slip into the hands of the parents emotionally abusing their children!
Linda
October 28th, 2011 at 6:31 pm
Yeah. I agree.. There we’re no other words that pushes your children to go to the real world that encouraging them to do good and orient them what would be happened if they would not follow the right path. But, sometimes too it is not good to be a perfectionist because that would make them difficult when they got failed.
November 1st, 2011 at 2:56 pm
Hi Linda!
I agree with all of this facts, as a father I always use to encourage my kids for doing things they love to do and of course I also never stop to keep on reminding them for not doing things that would not be pleasing to the eyes of other person. Great post Linda, lots of inspiration and encouragement. Thanks!
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December 24th, 2011 at 5:38 am
Another tip I have learned is not to punish the child while still angry. I wait until I have peace of mind again. Then go about things.
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January 15th, 2012 at 10:09 pm
Alecs,
You are so right! We need to NEVER discipline our kids when we’re angry. That is easy for me to say when my kids are grown!
Linda
January 3rd, 2012 at 8:18 am
I loved this article because it gave me all kinds of encouragement of my own that I am doing the right thing when it comes to raising my kids. It’s almost like identify the owner of an unknown wireless call with a Google cell phone directory.
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February 8th, 2012 at 4:40 am
This is one awesome post, for parents out there and for everyone who have kids in their homes. Encouraging words are very essential tools for the mental and psychosocial growth of every child, especially in times where they’re dealing with life stressors. Kids may not show it sometimes but they appreciate those encouraging words you give, especially when they make mistakes or when they’re down and you say these things, they feel secure and safe.
February 11th, 2012 at 3:26 pm
Always treat your children good and appraise them if they do good. It helps them to build more self-esteem. Encourage them with their skills!
February 15th, 2012 at 5:04 am
Since I was a little boy I am quite aware what my parents’ relationship status is. My “tatay”(father) always starts an argument with my “nanay” ending up into exchange of foul words and then battering.
I just don’t get it. How come they act this way? I consider myself pitiful. That early “DARK” awareness really affected my whole personality. And now, that I am a father, I am trying my best not to repeat the history.
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February 15th, 2012 at 5:14 pm
Jason,
Thank you for sharing. I am happy for your kids that you are willing to learn to break the cycle of abuse. It is not easy thing to do but you can! Find a loved one, process the pain that you felt as a child, allow yourself to feel it and let it go. I know it sounds simple but it’s not easy! The ebook I give away on the front page of this site will take you through the process! I suggest you put your name and email address and get the ebook!
Linda