Like A Mouse In My Pocket

Thu, Apr 8, 2010

Find Yourself

It wasn’t until I was working at AWAIC (Abused Women’s Aide in Crisis) that I got it! I finally saw what it means to be honest, 100% honest with myself. I saw myself for the first time from a third person perspective, as my boss saw me (bless her heart!) like a mouse in my pocket. I was working, impressing everyone around (as far as I could see), it wasn’t until my boss, Jeanne, called me on it, that I saw it for what it was! I wonder how many other people in my life saw it, but didn’t have the nerve to tell me what they were seeing!

I was good at what I did. I knew the material, I had the attention of the crowd. I educated the boys in the Juvenile Detention Center about the devastating effects of domestic violence. I talked about the cause, the pain that both the victims and perpetuators were feeling, and set goals for the boys.

My goal was to help them get out of the cycle of abusive behavior and heal from the abuse they’d experienced. I knew full well that most of these boys were abused and abusive.
 
Jeanne called me to her office after the class, to debrief. She asked me how I felt about the class. Of course I told her I thought it went well. The boys continued to pay attention, right until the end. I was sure they must have gotten information at least in their ears, it would take many more times (if ever) until it became a part of their lives.

Then the blast hit. Jeanne said, “It looked to me like you were flirting with the boys.” I couldn’t believe it! I wouldn’t do that! I was 25 years old! These boys were still in high school! I was a happily married woman, with 3 children! I would never even think about such a thing!

That is the truth! I would never have consciously thought of such a thing! As we talked about it, I couldn’t deny it! The way I commanded a crowd of hormonal boys was to keep their attention through my mannerisms, my jokes, my smiles and an occasional wink. As I felt the discomfort washing over me, sitting in the office with my boss, I was so embarrassed!

I felt so guilty! I couldn’t help it, I started to cry! (Later, I learned that is another coping strategy). I had been so proud of myself, teaching these boys things that I was sure they had never heard before, (another thing that I learned, they knew too much and how to hide it!)

This consciousness, this awareness of what I’m doing, being able to be honest with myself, has allowed me to live in peace and happiness! I am continually growing, mastering my observing skills! I am honestly learning, as Katie Freiling said, it’s all about ‘Witnessing Consciousness’. This is reality! Yes!

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42 Responses to “Like A Mouse In My Pocket”

  1. Matt Jones Says:

    Hi Linda
    You really take your awareness to another level and i have never really delved into honesty that deeply before and you are right. We can so easily trick ourselves into what we think is right or honest.
    How brave you are in confronting yourself at such a deep level. Awesome stuff!
    .-= Matt Jones´s last blog ..Is Fear Producing Your Reality? =-.

    Reply

  2. Darlene Davis Says:

    Linda,
    You are one of the most honest, generous and always-willing-to-help person on the Planet, my friend. I’m sure your intentions were in the right place, and that is what counts.

    It is wise to always be aware of what we are doing and how we affect others, but sometimes actions are misinterpreted, too. The key is to find the balance:)
    .-= Darlene Davis´s last blog ..Lessons From A Half Pint: Wag More, Bark Less =-.

    Reply

    • Linda Grace Says:

      Thank you Darlene! I think that my flirty nature was how I got my self-esteem needs met, I know now that I’m a valuable person whether I’m young or old, or handicapped or not :)

      Reply

  3. Sally Bath Says:

    Thanks for sharing your story Linda. I really admire your honesty and it has really given me something to think about.
    .-= Sally Bath´s last blog ..4 Hour work week? You’ve got to be kidding… =-.

    Reply

  4. Edward Says:

    Hi Linda,

    Thanks so much for sharing this post with us.
    You show us what it means to really be able to take information from another person that would usually push people to frustration, anger, and mis-understanding, and showed us how it can be a great blessing and miracle for our lives to help us grow into more of the greatness we have been created to be.
    You are a wonderful spirit and full of grace…

    Make it a great day!
    God Bless,
    -ed

    Reply

  5. Belinda Cunningham Says:

    Hi Linda
    I take my hat off to you working with these boys.During my last 10 years teaching high school boys accounting and business I have used some strategies to motivate and grab attention in my classes that I later thought might not be very appropriate. I was called on it also early in my career and appreciated the honesty. I dearly would have liked to teach the students things that would help them in life so they could have fulfilling happy and abundant lives. The ‘education system’ wasn’t really open to it though. Hope you are still helping these boys.
    Belinda

    Reply

  6. Teresa Says:

    “This is reality! Yes!” Isn’t it sweet?

    Reply

  7. Anna B Says:

    Hi Linda. Thanks for sharing this story with us. Your honesty is really inspiring, I hope that someday I can be as aware of myself as you have learned and live in such peace and happiness.

    Regards,
    Anna B .

    Reply

    • Linda Grace Says:

      Anna,
      If you want to, you will! It is an exciting (and sometimes painful) journey! My journey and life’s lessons are in the ebook I want to share with you! You can leave your name and email address on the front page of this blog to receive it. I encourage you go get it! I’d love to get to know you, anyone who is interested in self-reflection is a blast to be with!
      Linda
      ps. why don’t you get a picture connected to your comments? http://lindagraceonline.com/get-the-focus-on-you/

      Reply

  8. raymund@Recycled Toner Cartridge Says:

    I appreciate your dedication on teaching those boys on the negative effects of violence. I hope you would not stop on what you are doing :)

    Reply

  9. Casey Says:

    hello Linda!

    I actually like the image of a mouse in the pocket. This is soo humble of you. Thanks for sharing.

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  10. Lory Says:

    i really admire you Linda. Thank you for sharing your experience..

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  11. Solar Power Guy Says:

    You are doing some impressive work, that is relevant to the society and more importantly, relevant to the boys you are teaching; it is going to give them a real chance, to break free from the cycle of abuse and step up in life. Congratulations!

    Reply

  12. NABH Says:

    I really appreciate your post and you explain each and every point very well.Thanks for sharing this information.And I’ll love to read your next post too.
    Regards:
    NABH

    Reply

  13. Chimezirim Odimba Says:

    Hello, Miss Linda! I admire your bravery of confronting something that most of us would have been hard to accept. But it does seem comforting to know that figuring out oneself is a period that people go through and might not realize that they are not over it yet. I can imagine how uncomfortable that must have been, coming into terms with how other people perceive your actions. The whole personality window of “known to others but not known to self” is at play here. I admire how you rose to this occasion. Keep up your selfless work. I’m sure you got through the boys you were teaching.
    Chimezirim Odimba recently posted..May 29, All Insurance Quotes — Pay A Lot Less For Adequate CoverageMy Profile

    Reply

    • Linda Grace Says:

      Chimesirim,
      Thank you for visiting my blog and leaving a comment~ when I was able to observe myself honestly, that was the beginning of personal growth for me? When did you start to be 100% honest with yourself? Has that been a part of your entire life?
      Linda
      ps.
      Why don’t you get a Gravatar?! I created a post to show you how to get this simple and free account! Check this out here: http://lindagraceonline.com/get-the-focus-on-you/ When people can see your face they have a tendency to trust you more and turn into customers more quickly!

      Reply

  14. harold johnson Says:

    I keep myself busy with all sorts of things. I am so very impressed with your work Linda!! I am one of your blogger! Thanks

    Reply

  15. chay32 Says:

    Thanks so much for sharing this post with us…You show us what it means to really be able to take information from another person that would usually push people to frustration.
    chay32 recently posted..What You Need To Know About Cost AccountingMy Profile

    Reply

  16. Andromeda Says:

    Hello, Miss Linda! I admire your bravery of confronting something that most of us would have been hard to accept.You really take your awareness to another level and i have never really delved into honesty that deeply before and you are right. We can so easily trick ourselves into what we think is right or honest.Thanks for sharing.
    Andromeda recently posted..Main Benefits Of Health Probiotic ProductsMy Profile

    Reply

  17. Bob Homes Says:

    What a great post! I’ll have to walk around thinking I’ve got a mouse in my pocket…maybe I’ll observe some behaviors I would have otherwise missed.

    Reply

  18. OMDS Says:

    I appreciate your courage and your initiative towards domestic violence. Can’t stop myself to appreciate you.

    Reply

  19. Mouthy Says:

    LOL.. I really love this blog..

    Hi Linda..

    To tell you honestly, all your blog is very inspirational to us.. Hope that you post more, about LOVE.. :D Thanks

    Reply

  20. amy smith Says:

    Hi Miss Linda.Upon reading your story I can’t stop myself from admiring you.Your amazing!Keep it and more power to you.

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    Reply

  21. Danny Says:

    Linda – your name seems to go very well with the type of work you are doing. Grace by name, grace by nature?!
    Danny recently posted..The joys of working from home: Is it for everyone though?My Profile

    Reply

    • Linda Grace Says:

      Danny,
      Thank you for saying so. My mom named me after her grandma who raised her.
      Linda

      ps. Why don’t you get a Gravatar, a picture connected to your comments?! I created a post to show you how to get this simple and free account! Check this out here: http://lindagraceonline.com/get-the-focus-on-you/ When people can see your face they have a tendency to trust you more and turn into customers more quickly!

      Reply

  22. Summer Davis Says:

    Hi

    This post was very inspiring. I think that honesty determines our value as a person. If we are honest with the things that we do, we don’t have to hide anything and we won’t have any problems explaning things other people. Thank you for posting this, it definitely enlightened me a lot and I’m sure that other people will aprreciate it as well!

    Summer Davis
    Webmaster, Art Prints
    Canvas Prints

    Reply

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  24. streaming Says:

    Hi Linda!
    I really enjoy reading about your… I truly consider you a role model for many young women out there!
    Best wishes!

    Reply

  25. SEOcc Says:

    Linda,
    How did you move forward from these allegations? Your positivity with this post is genuine and inspiring. I wasn’t even expecting to read this when I clicked on your blog. Teaching people to break a negative cycle in their lives is a great thing to do and for that I commend you!

    Thank you for Sharing

    Reply

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  29. jone bakers Says:

    Hi Linda, this post was very insightful, i thank you for sharing this experience with us readers,to my surprise i am beginning to look at things in a differant light,for example the comments that people make but you don’t really pick up on them until later, sometimes years later.
    your experience as expressed here should be a benefit to all us readers.”the mouse in the pocket” thrase is interesting..not sure why it’s called that completely yet.

    Reply


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