I’m sure you’ve seen her. You might even know her. That super confident, always poised person who isn’t swept up in the opinions of others. Her healthy social relationships are relaxed and joyful. Although she values her friends and family, she’s strong enough to make good decisions without crumbling to the pressure or expectations of those around her. Everyone treats her with great respect and seems happier when she’s around. In fact, she’s usually happy herself. Often it even seems that she gets favorable treatment wherever she goes.
Why did she seem to do it with such ease?
Studies have shown that people with healthy self-esteem really are treated differently than people with low-self-esteem. Because of this treatment, it re-enforces what they already believe about themselves. Higher self-esteem people often receive favorable treatment. They’re strengthened by positive past performance and they believe they are and will be successful in what they set out to do.
Low-self-esteem people are often plagued by doubt, past rejections and failure. They are more likely ignored, put down, rejected, not listened to, compared to others or labeled than their higher self-esteem counterparts. Because they rely on others to support and approve of them, they give in to peer pressure more often.
It really does matter what we think about ourselves.
A friend of mine has a note taped by her computer to remind her of this. It says, “Listen to your heart above all other voices.”
~ Marta Kagan
It might not be an overnight process to become the confident, poised person we long to be. But we can start focusing on good, right, true thoughts and then we’ll be one step closer to becoming that person we truly long to be.
Tell me in the comments what you’ve done to be the woman you want to be.
June 26th, 2010 at 4:07 am
Hi Linda,
Even though I don’t believe I’ve really thought about what you wrote in your post, I can see how this might be true. It’s all about attitude, and the kind of response you’ll most likely receive from people if you are smiling, social and approachable, is a positive one! Perhaps it has to do with the energy that we give off to others that make them respond, or not respond a certain way. What do you think? Anyway, great post Linda
Christine
June 26th, 2010 at 8:38 am
Thank you Christine~ Yes, I started learning this concept when I was in college and my children were born. As they grew and I saw other children, some feeling good about themselves and others not, I witnessed first hand the affects of self-esteem. I’m grateful that my parents started at my young age teaching me my value.
February 16th, 2011 at 10:19 am
Linda – You made some excellent points and you’re so right. We really have to work at having good self esteem so we will get that positive reinforcement. That study you mentioned proves that we have to work harder on ourselves than we do on anything else.
February 16th, 2011 at 6:06 pm
Connie~
Yes! When we work on ourselves, everything else falls into place!
Linda
February 16th, 2011 at 10:45 am
Love it Linda,
It doesn’t happen overnight, but we sure can keep reminding ourselves that we all have a greatness inside of us that is waiting to shine through.
The way we think of ourselves does determine how others treat us. Whatever we put out there comes back to us multiplied over and over again. Your friend’s quote is a perfect way to support and encourage ourselves in life’s endeavors. I will definitely listen to my heart!
Val
Val Wilcox @ Empowering Your Life’s Dreams recently posted..Visualize Your Compelling Desire
February 16th, 2011 at 6:05 pm
Val,
Yes, I agree, it all starts in our thoughts! I know from personal experience and observation that your speaking the truth! As we feel good about ourselves, we’ll expect it (not in a proud way) and people will treat us well!
Linda
February 16th, 2011 at 9:41 pm
You got a really useful blog I have been here reading,I am newbie and your success is very much an inspiration for me.
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February 16th, 2011 at 11:36 pm
I believe those people simply wear masks. Because we all have doubts and think about failure. I once new a girl that was all glowing and positive, just like in your example, but at nights she would cry in her bed.
The only way to be “super confident” and still stay true to yourself is lying to yourself. Say everything’s pink and force yourself to believe it.
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February 18th, 2011 at 3:08 pm
I have to disagree with you on this one Alex. I believe when we work through our pain and move on, we can truly be happy, just like I said in my movie. on the opt/in box, no matter what our external circumstances are. If we’re still crying ourselves to sleep (which we’ve all done) then we have more growing to do!
Linda
ps. why don’t you get a picture connected to your comments? I created a post to show you how! http://lindagraceonline.com/get-the-focus-on-you/
February 19th, 2011 at 12:06 pm
Being poised often seems like walking the balance beam. Are we too gracious? Are we giving too much of ourselves and giving our energy away? Are we holding to much in? Not sharing enough? It is a difficult path to walk some days, but I guess the most important thing is you can’t please everybody and, yes, definitely, listen to your heart above all.
February 22nd, 2011 at 12:38 pm
I understand. Being so ‘out there’ online, it causes us to assess in a different way. Yes, it’s all about listening to our heart!
February 19th, 2011 at 1:07 pm
I’ve generally found in my life, and the lives of those around me, that we get almost exactly what we expect from life. No more, no less, no better, no worse.
If we’re going to get what we expect, why not expect the best? And KNOW that you deserve it, because you are you.
Live with passion and purpose,
Vanessa
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February 19th, 2011 at 5:10 pm
Vanessa~
I couldn’t agree more! Expect the best! I am excited to be networking with you through TSA!
Linda
February 19th, 2011 at 6:42 pm
Hi Linda,
It sure IS VERY TRUE. I heard about this self-esteem thing too and I confirm, the higher self-esteem, the higher the respect earned. I always thought about me with high self-esteem, not exagerated but at least above ‘normal’. Wow, that quote by Marta Kargan “Listen to your heart above all other voices.” is absolutly genious and… a fantastic quote, I never heard it before but I will sure keep it in my mind and heart for the rest of my life, it sure is a great quote. I think you really did a excellent job with this article, you opened the eyes of a lot and reminded some known facts for even a lot more. Thank you for sharing this excellent article! Keep up the good work!
Best regards,
Maria
Maria Pavel@CNA Training recently posted..Training To Become A Home Health Aide
February 19th, 2011 at 10:59 pm
Maria~
Thank you for saying so! When we are confident and can trust our feelings, the sky is the limit!
Linda
February 19th, 2011 at 11:27 pm
Linda, this is a great reminder of the fact that so much of the negative we believe about ourselves is only perceived as being that way, because of programming that goes back to childhood.
The biggest thing I have done is participate in a mastermind group where we read a chapter of Think and Grow Rich, each week, and write down our thoughts and lessons learned. Then, as a group, we mastermind some of these lessons on our twice-weekly calls.
I’ve been involved with this group for almost two years and it’s been a great boon to my personal growth. I know it was a major help in my dealing with the loss of our son just over a year ago.
I often get impatient with myself for being so slow to grow. But it’s a process… a journey. I didn’t get the way I was two years ago, overnight… so what’s a couple of years if it means growing into that person God designed me to be?!
Willena Flewelling
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February 20th, 2011 at 9:29 am
Willena~
I agree!!! We all have a life-time of crud to work through! I’m happy for you that you have your mastermind group to help you grow! I’m like you, I started with this blogging community a while ago (time marches by so quickly, I can’t keep track!) and it has been a fun ride! Those in my Tribe have become my best friends! I’m happy we have such positive influences in our lives!!
Linda
February 21st, 2011 at 5:17 pm
Linda I know you said this is for girls but I do think it applies to guys too. I can think of some who fit into both these categories. Also having been a promoter of seminars for so many years I have witnessed men and women with no self esteem and others who just have such a positive self image.
If we are do not naturally fit into the healthy self image we can change it as you say.
I love your friends saying “Listen to your heart above all other voices.”
~ Marta Kagan – I am going to borrow that one.
SUe
February 21st, 2011 at 8:08 pm
Linda,
Geez…I feel lonely over here.
Everything you mention in this post holds true for the male of the species too
There is nothing more attractive that a woman that is confident in herself and hold herself in high esteem. I’d venture to say that would be true for anybody. They just have that “Glow” about them.
Don Enck recently posted..Secrets To Creating Engaging Video
February 22nd, 2011 at 7:57 am
I know, you’re a great guy, you really have that “glow”!! I need to write one for the guys, you know the Mars and Venus thing. Problem is there is not enough time in the day to do all that I want to do!!!
February 21st, 2011 at 10:17 pm
I love that quote Linda, “Listen to your heart above all other voices”….it is so true. Over the years I have learnt to listen to my intuition, but it has been a long learning curve.
There is no question in my mind that people with a happy positive and confident outlook give off an energy that is more attractive to others than those with low self esteem. It is something we can change, but it’s kind of a chicken and egg situation…. We have low self esteem because of the way we are perceived and we are perceived in a negative way because of our low self esteem.
Louise
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February 22nd, 2011 at 7:44 am
Louise~
You are so right~ is it the chicken or the egg… That’s where my ebook comes in! We have to get rid of all the pain from the past and learn the skills to create an awesome reality! http://lindagraceonline.com/recommended-resources/ Click on this link and you can get the book!
Linda
February 22nd, 2011 at 10:55 am
Linda,
One of the “blessings(?)” of growing older, is that sense of being a lot more comfortable in your own skin. As Don says, there is a “Glow” when you feel all’s right with the world. You can smile more, enjoy others to the fullest, and not worry about minor details like that spot on your shirt.
It is the work of a lifetime to truly achieve and maintain self esteem, but it is well worth the effort when you feel that power surge within yourself!
Darlene Davis@ Social Media R&D recently posted..Seat Belts and Angels
February 23rd, 2011 at 1:20 am
Hey Linda,
that’s all very similar to material I’ve recently been reading and it’s so true.
A confident and relaxed person with a high self esteem is walking with a strong appealing energy and people are drawn to it.
There are many things I do to reinforce my belief in myself. Some involve tapping, affirmations, reading and listening to personal development material, all designed to expand my Spiritual Awareness and help to live in my truth.
You know, one little example just came to mind that I thought I’d share. A loved one left a message on my answering machine one day and she started off by saying, ‘ Hi, it’s only me…….’
This stood out to me as not being a healthy statement for anyone to make. It’s affirming that the person isn’t very important, and it takes away from their power. I pointed this out to her and I’ve noticed she no longer say’s it.
Thanks for creating such a valuable post.
In Ultimate Health Awareness
Toni
Toni King recently posted..Living With Love And Gratitude
February 24th, 2011 at 11:33 am
Hey Linda,
I think women often go through stages of high and low self-esteem during their life-time. I think when my children were young and I was at home alone with them day after day, my self-esteem suffered.
And just like some of your other commentators, I feel as I grow older, I am way more comfortable with myself and I believe that shows!
Great post Linda.
Sue
February 24th, 2011 at 1:08 pm
Hey Sue~
Isn’t it great being secure?! Life is so much more wonderful with we’re not influenced by insecuries!
February 26th, 2011 at 12:59 pm
You made some excellent points and you’re so right. We really have to work at having good self esteem so we will get that positive reinforcement. That study you mentioned proves that we have to work harder on ourselves than we do on anything else.
February 28th, 2011 at 2:15 am
First of all, self-esteem is a stage in every woman’s life. It is a time when we will go through such kind of experiences but the idea is to move over them and gain confidence in our own forces.
Patel Urvisha recently posted..Treatment for Diabetes In Dogs
February 28th, 2011 at 8:09 am
Patel,
Yes self esteem is something we all need to learn and feel!
Thank you for visiting my blog, and leaving a comment! Why don’t you connect a picture to your comment – I’ll show you how here: http://lindagraceonline.com/get-the-focus-on-you/ !
March 1st, 2011 at 7:19 pm
Linda,
It is so true what you are saying, that what we truly believe (not what we pretend we believe) about ourself will often show up as other people treating us better and offering us greater advantages. However, we have all seen exmaples of people who had to fight against the grain, who had little or no support, and yet they continued to believe in their own self and finally succeeded.
In the arts, the artists are often rejected and have to keep putting themselves and their work out there. Salespeople are also often rejected and have to keep selling. So, even if other people do not treat us better, WE have to treat our own selves better and trust in our own capabilities.
Warmly,
Erica
Dr. Erica Goodstone recently posted..The Now Habit – Do YOU Have It
March 2nd, 2011 at 6:13 am
Dr. Erica Goodstone,
You are so right! It may be easier for us if we are treated like we diserve, yet whether or not we do, we have to believe in ourselves!!
Linda
March 2nd, 2011 at 9:11 am
Last night I was actually talking to my roommate and then my mom about this exact same thing. We were discussing how women so often get the shaft, overloaded with work and under recognized for what they do- especially in pay. But, when you’ve managed to take a stand for yourself and show the esteem you do have, it makes a world of difference in the professional world. (And the men don’t know what has hit them.) It’s cliche, but the saying of “You’re a strong, confident woman.” really goes a long way.
March 2nd, 2011 at 10:39 pm
Thanks Maggie for visiting my blog! I love that quote “You’re a strong and powerful woman.” My mom has always said that to me! I believe that I am!
Linda
March 6th, 2011 at 3:28 am
It is sometimes difficult to maintain high self esteem especially if a person goes thru the lowest point of her life. I experienced having been treated badly more than I want to when I was very down. Surprisingly, when all the troubles seem to have gone away and I feel that I am back on my feet — where I can take the bull by the horn — people around me seem to treat me good. The one thing I learned from all this is not to rely on anybody else but to help myself on my own. well, sometimes its good to have help every now and then but it would seem ridiculous to rely on anybody else when I am down. when I achieve something / solve a problem all on my own then that’s when my self esteem is at its highest!
March 8th, 2011 at 5:26 pm
Hi Linda,
Although I’ve never heard this statistic, it totally makes sense. We all have the power to teach others how they should treat us. Those with low self esteem believe deep down inside that they are not worthy of being treated well, which in turn manifests in their lives. Alternatively, people who value themselves send out “signals” to others that they deserve to be treated with respect and dignity – and naturally are happier people.
It all begins in our minds. Not only should we focus on creating the very best possible self esteem for ourselves, but also for the children we care for. I see this constantly in my 14 year old son, who is a humble yet self confident person. He values his self worth tremendously and as a result is valued by others. No coincidence here…
Love the quote!
Kathy Jodrey
Kathy Jodrey recently posted..Talk Fusion- Can The New Video Conferencing and Broadcasting Features Help You Explode Your Business
March 8th, 2011 at 7:30 pm
Kathy~
I’m happy that your son has such great confidence! He must feel happy and help those around happy! Good job Mom!!
Linda
March 9th, 2011 at 6:23 pm
I agree with you about super confident is needed by a woman.
I have been having a good wife. She is confident, smart, always accompany me on every condition, and motivate me when I feel down.
However, How strong she is. She is a woman who sometimes feel tired and down. Not infrequently she cried and feel not confident, and feel bad on her self. In this situation, I give her more love and affection and give her spirit to be strong woman and confident.
March 9th, 2011 at 7:31 pm
You wife is a fortunate woman! It’s very important for all of us to have the love that you’re showing your wife. Keep it up!
Linda
March 11th, 2011 at 5:39 am
There is something above just high self-esteem. I call it inner light. You can have no problems with you self-esteem but still your behaviour and your ability to attract people will be low. And also there are people who have low self-esteem but at the same time they magnify people.
March 11th, 2011 at 5:58 am
Thank you Nickie for taking time to comment on my blog! This is an interesting thought. I’ve always connected the inner light with high self esteem. Whether the positive feelings that lift other people come from inside or from God, it seems to me that that light would cause high self esteem. I’d love it if you’d share more of this idea with me.
Linda
March 11th, 2011 at 6:20 am
I met people who trying to overcome their low self-esteem and some complexes they were or seemed to be funny, prosperous, etc, just because they were carrying that mask. And they had the response of the public. To some extent, I’m one of such people. But it takes lots of energy to behave like that.
And vice versa, when a person is shy and isn’t easy-going, he/she will behave in a respective way even if there is no problems with self-esteem.
And, by the way… Why do we consider only high and low self-esteem? What about normal? And here another question arises. What is low, high and normal? It’s a psycology where there are more questions than answers.
March 11th, 2011 at 6:56 am
I hear what you’re saying. There are always more questions! For me, I equate high self-esteem (real, not faked) with happiness. When I feel good about myself, not dependent on what I perceive others think of me, I am happy. Right now, for example, my body is wracked with MS, I hate it, but I’m happy. I think I’m doing all I can to overcome this affliction and I feel good about myself. Not that I think I’m perfect, but I have a high self esteem and I’m happy. Keep writing back!
Linda
ps. why don’t you connect a picture to your comment? It’s simple and free~ here’s a post I created to show you how~ http://lindagraceonline.com/get-the-focus-on-you/ If you don’t want to, no worries, lets continue our conversation!
March 12th, 2011 at 1:00 pm
I showed this article to my girlfriend and she told me that whenever she wants to feel good about herself she starts from inside. When she says inside she means healthy food and lots of water. She started to blossom since she’s keeping a healthy diet and she also improved her relationship with others. Her self-esteem grew because a good diet makes you look good and happy all the time.
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March 12th, 2011 at 3:10 pm
‘Listen to your heart above all over voices.’ That is wonderful, Linda. As one who struggled for many years with self esteem (and once in a while it still jumps up and bites me on the rear), those really are words to live by. Thank you so much for sharing.
Wishing you a song in your heart,
Miss Leslie @ Music with Miss Leslie.com
Miss Leslie recently posted..Basic Singing Course Lesson 10- Singing ‘Re’
March 12th, 2011 at 5:08 pm
Leslie~
Isn’t that the way life is, we think we have something mastered and all of a sudden it still jumps? It’s fun that you’re blogging about your passion! Everything I’ve read of yours ratiates music!
Linda
March 16th, 2011 at 11:58 am
I do agree that if you have a higher self esteem than someone that doesn’t, that makes a big difference on how you portray yourself to others. At the same time, it makes a difference on how you treat others as well. The positive self esteem you have, positive outcomes will happen to you.
March 24th, 2011 at 1:16 am
Somehow the best tool to gain self-esteem is to be relaxed and to trust your judgment first. Although it’s hard to have a positive and relaxed attitude when things get rough, it’s important to not panic and try and find a solution.
March 24th, 2011 at 7:07 am
Mia,
Thank you for visiting my blog~ I’m curious how you found it! You have an impressive blog, I see you are missing some important plugins, you can go here: http://lindagraceonline.com/get-the-focus-on-you/ and here: http://lindagraceonline.com/get-the-focus-on-you/ and I tell you about them. Let me know if you decide to put them on your blog!
Linda
March 24th, 2011 at 10:51 pm
Even though I don’t believe I’ve really thought about what you wrote in your post, I can see how this might be true
March 30th, 2011 at 5:38 am
When people know themselves they can maximize outcomes because they know what they can and.. ….People develop and maintain their self-concepts through the process of taking action and then..reflecting on what they have done and what others tell them about what they have done.
April 25th, 2011 at 10:52 am
..Sobel the mother of 16-year-old twins in Sherman Oaks Calif. says they could tell what was real and what was fake even when very young. The colorful ribbons and shiny trophies they earned just for participating made them feel special. But now in college and the workplace observers are watching them crumble a bit at the first blush of criticism… I often get students in graduate school doing doctorates who made straight As all their lives and the first time they get tough feedback the kind you need to develop skills says Deborah Stipek dean of education at Stanford University.
April 26th, 2011 at 7:19 am
Cleo,
I agree we sometimes over-do with our kids We need to feel great and get tough! I see you don’t have a Gravatar! I created a post to show you how to get this simple and free account! Check this out here: http://lindagraceonline.com/get-the-focus-on-you/ When people can see your face they have a tendency to trust you more and turn into customers more quickly!
Linda
May 4th, 2011 at 7:57 pm
A true woman is build by her confidence, her loving nature, her soft voice and most important of all her self-esteem. femininity is inspired by politeness and patience accompanied with self-esteem which can be gained only by learning from our surrounding that how one should behave with others at a particular time in a particular situation.
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May 5th, 2011 at 7:59 am
Angela,
I love a “true” woman is built by her confidence, etc. and with all of that she’s happy!
Linda
May 31st, 2011 at 4:04 am
I always didnt have a high self esteem in my teen years.Bt though high school going to an all girls school i eventually became confident and a stronger person it was a case of stand up or be stood on! This has helped me now as an adult i am confident and not scared to speak my mind.I also notice the way that people change towards you if you respect yourself people will respect you too.
May 31st, 2011 at 12:53 pm
Team Building,
Yes, I believe you are so right~ people change towards us when we love and respect ourselves!
Linda
ps. Why don’t you get a Gravatar, a picture connected to your comments? I’ll show you how here http://lindagraceonline.com/get-the-focus-on-you/ then leave another comment and let me see!
June 21st, 2011 at 3:38 am
Having a high self esteem is a very good attribute to anyone, especially for girls. We should look at our self that we are capable of doing what they can. Give your best shot always. Self esteem is very important in building your own status in life.
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June 21st, 2011 at 1:13 pm
You’re right Adrian! Girls, women seem to have the biggest problem with self-esteem issues! It’s amazing how success breads success~ and positive actions improve our self esteem!
Linda
August 31st, 2011 at 11:00 am
High self-esteem is one of the most important things you can have, because so many other things stem from how we see ourselves. While I used to suffer form low self-esteem, I was able to turn my life around after graduating high school with the help of friends and family and I’ve never looked back!! This is a great post, I enjoyed reading it and think a lot of people can benefit from your words
~Rosie
September 30th, 2011 at 10:09 am
“Self-esteem really are treated differently than people with low-self-esteem.” It is so amazing how people can pick up on those kind of things.
September 30th, 2011 at 2:29 pm
June,
It’s pretty sad when we realize!
Linda
November 27th, 2011 at 10:19 pm
How do one manage to keep up the it’s self esteem in the man-domination world.
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December 18th, 2011 at 9:42 pm
DD is 11. I’m hoping for grunge to make a comeback here in the NW so she can spend her high school years in baggy flannel rather than the hooker wannabe outfits that often seem to be in vogue. So far, she is strictly a jeans and t-shirt girl. I’m wondering if that will change as she starts middle school.
Jeriea Smith@Self Esteem Tips recently posted..How To Overcome Depression Naturally – by Depression Worksheets !
December 21st, 2011 at 12:20 pm
Jeriea,
I am so glad that my baby is graduating High School this year! I fear for my children raising my grandkids, there is so much NONSENSE out there these days! My hat is off you all of you mothers with young children and 11 is still young!
Linda