You may have heard the funny little adage: I wish I were the person my dog believes I am.
Dog owners read that and smile. Ah, yes unconditional love lavished upon us regardless of our faults. It doesn’t matter if we’re fat or old or forgot to make snacks for our children’s youth function. We are perfect in the eyes of our dog.
A person struggling with self-esteem issues often spends her whole life listening to what other’s think about her. And it’s never as glamorous as the dog’s opinion! How well we “measure up” to expectations of others (and ourselves) often becomes our measurement of success.
Our self-esteem is, essentially, a measuring stick of how we view ourselves. It’s my evaluation of me; you’re evaluation of you. It’s a self-appraisal based on what we feel (and what we imagine other people must think) about our life performance how capable, lovely, worthy, successful, appreciated, beautiful and flawless we are.
The problem with this is that we have a wacky set of measuring tools that tell us what the standard is. We are constantly bombarded by our culture, media, relationships, work, friends, commercials, newspaper, Internet, our feelings at any given moment, and our health. Much of what we hear (or sometimes perceive we hear) is not realistic. Yet, we embrace it as TRUTH and feverishly try to live this impossible standard. And when we fail, we use it as ammunition against our value as a person.
Having healthy self-esteem requires turning a deaf ear to the stuff flying at us that’s out of balance. It’s learning to rest in the truth that we are lovable, regardless of how we look, what kind of mood we’re in, how we clean our house, or how much money we make.
You are valuable. You are important. Period. There are NO qualifiers to this. There are no performance tests. You can set the ruler down. You measure up.
One of the first steps in boosting your self-esteem is to give yourself permission to be you: Unique, wonderful, interesting, glorious YOU. There is no one exactly like YOU. (And, believe it or not, it’s meant to be that way!)
Another crucial step is giving yourself permission to set realistic standards for yourself. Not the perceived standards of Hollywood, family, friends or co-workers. The key here is REALISTIC standards ones that fit YOU.
And if you have a dog, you just might want to thank him. Maybe he’s smarter than you’ve given him credit for. He loves you just for you. He doesn’t have anything he’s measuring you against. And just YOU is enough.
January 20th, 2010 at 2:26 am
Hi Linda, top site. You have some very interesting reading here, well done. Cheers Toni
January 20th, 2010 at 3:41 am
Thank you, Toni! You’re opinion is very valuable to me!
August 4th, 2010 at 9:57 am
Haha! That’s so true. In the office I’m currently in there’s at least 3 dogs in here every day. They never complain (though one certainly reminds me to take a break now and again by demanding tummy-rubs), they never get angry if you don’t make a deadline and they’ll always curl up by your desk side.
August 4th, 2010 at 12:58 pm
Winifred~
It’s fun that you can see the perfection of dogs! They truly are our best friends!
Linda~
November 7th, 2011 at 11:20 pm
Base on my experience, what I did to improve my self-esteem is to live my life like I wanted it to be. I don’t listen to what others have to say about me because what they are saying about me doesn’t really tell about me. I am who I am and I will live my life for who I am.
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November 8th, 2011 at 9:23 am
Candice,
You got it right in my opinion! I love it, “I am who I am and I will live my life for who I am.” As we see ourselves being good people, doing good things declaring who we are is the greatest boost of self-esteem!
Linda
November 8th, 2011 at 11:48 pm
That’s right Linda we just have to live our life the way we want it to be. It’s our own life, we should not let others control it. There are some people who will say a lot of negative things about us. If we will listen to them and let their words affect us, our self-esteem will surely go down. But if we will ignore them and live life for who we are, our self-esteem will go up.
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November 10th, 2011 at 8:59 am
Candice,
Yes! It’s just as you say! One of my favorite quotes is: We create our own destiny.
Linda
December 14th, 2011 at 3:05 am
I was looking over this post again and out of the sudden I realized something. Can we allow other people to help build our own destiny? For instance, I don’t have a clear understanding of what I would like my destiny will be, can I seek your advice for guidance and enlightenment and use that to help build my destiny.
Candice Michelle recently posted..יועצת שינה
December 21st, 2011 at 6:45 pm
Candice,
I think that people influence us incredibly! My free ebook on the home page of this blog called Emotional Clearing is yours if you put your name and email address in the boxes. There I will share with you the 5 steps of creating a wonderful life for yourself!
Linda
January 26th, 2012 at 7:02 pm
I like this Linda, its really nice and I wonder all of your work are very nice and unique..
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