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In our plan to help our children grow up to be healthy, confident adults, we shower them with love and affection. We celebrate them, listen to them, take time for them, and encourage them. We do everything we know to do to help our child succeed.

Although we’re in important part of our child’s growth and development, the older they get, the more outside influences complete with all our careful attention and planning. Sooner or later, they are bound to come home wounded from something someone on the outside said or did to them. Often the offence chips at their personal self-worth.

Any foundation, no matter how strong or carefully laid, is open to attack. It’s part of living and growing on planet earth. Does that mean all your work was in vain? No. It also doesn’t mean you should just sit back passively, thinking ther’s nothing you can do about it when it happens. There are skills you can instill in your child to help protect against the attacks when they come.

A good affirmation to teach your child from the beginning is: no matter what you say or do to me, I’m a worthwhile person. If you say it to them enough, it will eventually become second nature and will become a tool they can use to counter attacks on their own.

Another counter-attack is to confront the offense honestly. Ouch, that hurt! I didn’t like that. This not only opens lines of communication, but also re-affirms your child’s feelings by allowing him permission to state them out loud.

What might seem obvious to us is not necessarily obvious to our children. They might need help when asked to consider the source of the attack. Is it a trusted friend or the class bully? Is it someone with a history of being mean or a good friend that was having a bad day? Discussing these ideas with your child helps them to see the situation from other angles and realize it’s not necessarily all about them.

When appropriate, use humor to help your child work through the situation. When given the ability to laugh at momentarily “tragic” situation, the seriousness and pain of the situation often diminishes. Never use humor to poke fun at anyone, and always re-affirm your child’s worth in the midst of it.

As a parent, you’ve worked hard at building that foundation, and with some skills teaching, you can also help shore up the cracks and attacks. A good foundation can take a great deal of abuse, and a parent watching for signs of attack can help reverse the damage.