At last a guy has taken the time to write this all down FINALLY. (I must admit, it’s pretty spot-on good.)
We always hear “the rules’ from the female side….now, here are the rules from the male side.
These are our rules…….
Please note: They are all numbered “1″ ON PURPOSE!
1. Men are NOT mind readers. (First and foremost rule.)
1. Learn to work the toilet seat. You’re a big girl. If it’s up, put it down. We need it up; you need it down. You don’t hear us complaining about your leaving it down.
1. Sunday sports or the news: It’s like the full moon or the changing of the tides. Let it be.
1. Crying is blackmail.
1. Ask for what you want. Let us be clear on this one: Subtle hints do not work!
1. Yes and No are perfectly acceptable answers to almost every question.
1. Come to us with a problem only if you want help solving it. That’s what we do. Sympathy is what your girlfriends are for.
1. Anything we said six (6) months ago is inadmissible in an argument. In fact, all comments become null and void after SEVEN (7) days.
1. If you think you’re fat, you probably are. Don’t ask us.
1. If something we said can be interpreted two ways and one of the ways makes you sad or angry, we meant the other one.
1. You can either ask us to do something OR tell us how you want it done. NOT BOTH. If you already know best how to do it, just do it yourself.
1. Whenever possible, please say whatever you have to say during commercials.
1. Captian Cook did NOT need directions and neither do we.
1. ALL men see in only sixteen (16) colors, like Windows default settings. Peach, for example is a fruit, not a color. Pumpkin is also a fruit. We have absolutely NO idea what mauve is!
1. If it itches, it WILL be scratched. We do that.
1. If we ask what is wrong and you say “nothing”, we will act like nothing is wrong. We know you are lying, but it is just not worth the hassle.
1. If you ask a question you don’t want an answer to, expect an answer you don’t want to hear.
1. When we have to go somewhere, absolutely anything you wear is fine…..REALLY.
1. Don’t ask us what you’re thinking about unless you are prepared to discuss such topics as football or cars.
1. You have enough clothes.
1. You have too many shoes.
1. I am in shape. Round is a shape.
1. Thank you for reading this. (Yes, I know, I have to sleep on the couch tonight; but did you know that men really don’t mind that? It’s like camping.)
I thank my Aunt Marian for emailing me this!