Your child’s self-esteem is off and running before he learns to walk! Most authorities agree that the self-esteem begins to form at birth. But what does that mean to a parent who got a late start?
To re-word a popular cliche: The best time to start building your child’s self-esteem is the day she’s born. The next best time to start is TODAY.
Just being aware of the role you play as a parent in forming your child’s self-worth puts you ahead of pack. Whether your children are newborn or eight or sixteen, it’s never too late to build them up. Make sure they know you love them and are proud of them. Tell them repeatedly and in many different ways. The message will sink in and take root in their lives, no matter how young or old they are.
Here’s a short list of ideas to help you affirm your children as a regular part of your day:
1. Tell them how proud you are of their accomplishments
2. Brag about their accomplishments to others (in front of them)
3. Spend time talking to them (and listening to what they’re really saying)
4. Set aside time to read a book or play a game together
5. Celebrate who they are in little ways, don’t wait for a formal occasion (i.e. stick a note in their lunch box, take them out for a one-on-one date, etc.)
6. Make their favorite dinner for no special reason and remind them that you did it because you love them
7. Apologize when you’re wrong
8. At dinner, tell each of your family members three things you appreciate about them or positive things you noticed that they’ve recently done or accomplished
If you’re a family that struggles with showing love and appreciation to one another it might feel awkward at first, but don’t give up. Sooner than you think it will become second nature to you.
And a big reward is this: you’ll get to see your child’s self-esteem bloom and grow right before your very eyes! No matter how old they are when you start!
Tell me how you give the gift of self-esteem to your children or how you were given the gift from your parents!
P.S. If you would like to read more, you can choose from a variety of new or bargain priced books, here’s the link to Linda’s Self-esteem Book Store.
November 17th, 2009 at 8:37 pm
Linda,
What a wonderful post! You hit on so many wonderful things to do in order to develop a healthy dose of self esteem in your children. I am a VERY big believer in that children become what you tell them THEY ARE.
What I mean is this: I have two sons Aris Khaymen (15 yrs) & Azai Xander (18 months). My firstborn Aris’ name was derived from the Greek Teacher Aristotle for Wisdom. His middle name Khaymen was taken from an Egyptian warrior for Strength. All of his life I have told him what a great leader he is, how compassionate he is, what a great person he is.
Now that he is a young man and actually throughout his life I have been complimented on what a well mannered, compassionate & intelligent person he is. He maintains a 3.5 gpa while being active on the wrestling team and mixed martial arts.
The bottom line here is that I have entrained into his thoughts what a wonderful person he is and because of that he has become that person. I always uplift him wherever we go and I respect and pay attention to what he has to say. These are all keys in developing a strong sense of self esteem.
With my 2nd son Azai Xander his name is first name is Strength in Hebrew and Xander is Leader of Men from Alexander the Great. Because I have taken this same approach of just giving an incredible amount of praise and unconditional love you can see the difference in attitude and spirit between him and some of the other kids who aren’t as fortunate to have the same type of family environment.
Your children just need to know that you are there for them above and beyond anything else. When they know this they can truly blossom into wonderful servant minded leaders who really take part in shaping this world for the better.
To Our Massive Success,
John
p.s.
Yes, I am incredibly proud father… just in case you couldn’t tell..
November 17th, 2009 at 9:35 pm
Exactly! Yes, I can tell you’re a proud father! Thank you for sharing!
April 23rd, 2010 at 4:28 pm
This is such a tikely reminder Linda, thank you for this fantastic post. Being a parent is the most important role in life and i a,m pretty new at it so its awesome to read this post and become aware of how important it is to spend time with our kids – quality time!
Great list of suggestions as well
April 23rd, 2010 at 6:28 pm
Hi Linda, wonderful post. Definite gems of awareness in there. High self worth is so incredibly important to ones life experiences.
So many of us have had to come from behind the 8 ball to grow & develop into the person we aspire to be, because these principles were not present in our younger years.
Thanks for sharing.
Cheers Toni
.-= Toni King´s last blog ..Live Nuts =-.
April 27th, 2010 at 7:48 pm
Linda,
Your point is so well taken. Children have open and vulnerable minds and their minds are like sponges. They absorb what is fed to them so ealry on. This past Sunday, the episode on Desperate Housewives showed so clearly how powerful a parent’s love is for providing healthy self-esteem in a child. The father left when the boy was about 4. The mother reassured the child “It’s not your fault that you ruined my life.” And her mothering went downhill from there. That innocent, sweet child did not have a chance to develop healthy self-esteem, love for himself or love for anyone else. Parents have an awesome responsibility to provide that love for their children.
April 27th, 2010 at 8:14 pm
Yes! Not much of what we do in this life can have as far reaching impact as raising our children! I’d have to say that what you do in your life, Dr. Erica does have far reaching impact! Thank you for reading and sharing!
April 28th, 2010 at 10:50 am
This is so good Linda. Children need to be told how proud you are of them. Displaying their work from an early age to attending their games, recitals, etc. I have a friend that spend more time on her business and personal stuff and her 2 young children are ignored.It shows in the children too. It really is sad. Love your children and be there for them.It will pay off later.
.-= Beverly Monical´s last blog ..Interview With Perry Lawrence aka Ask Mr Video =-.
April 20th, 2011 at 1:11 pm
Linda,
I think that’s brilliant advice. It can be very hard to make time for your children, but it’s so important so that they can see that you love them. For them to feel love they have to know you want to be with them. And for them to know what, you have to spend time with them! And sitting in-front of the TV with them doesn’t really count.
Your point 7 (apologising) is really hard to do but also very important as you need to show you respect them enough that they merit an apology, and also to show them that apologising is often the best course of action. Otherwise they may grow up too “proud” to every apologise themselves.
Great post!
EDL
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April 21st, 2011 at 6:48 am
Eric,
Thanks for visiting my blog! I noticed you don’t have a Gravatar! I created a post to show you how to get this simple and free account! Check this out here: http://lindagraceonline.com/get-the-focus-on-you/ When people can see your face they have a tendency to trust you more and turn into customers more quickly!
Linda
May 4th, 2011 at 3:27 am
Hi Linda
You have a very great post. You’re so brilliant. You’ve made a lot of point with what you are saying. Thumbs up for you Miss Linda
. Some of the mom’s forgot to apologize when they’re wrong,they don’t even think that most of the children are having sensitive feelings especially when they are about to be scolded. You’re guides are very useful,thanks for the post 
.
May 4th, 2011 at 3:23 pm
Aya,
Thank you for visiting my blog! I noticed you don’t have a Gravatar! I created a post to show you how to get this simple and free account! Check this out here: http://lindagraceonline.com/get-the-focus-on-you/ When people can see your face they have a tendency to trust you more and turn into customers more quickly!
Linda
May 4th, 2011 at 6:20 pm
im glad i found another blog of ou linda. i really like you articles. such as Enjoy To The End – from the beginning. your blog is motherly loved and i enjoyed reading it. like this article of you The Birthing of Self-Esteem in Your Children i will make this one of my favorite blog of you. thanks for sharing again.
May 5th, 2011 at 7:57 am
Naomae,
You’re too kind! I appreciate you saying so. Why don’t you get a Gravatar? I created a post to show you how to get this simple and free account! Check this out here: http://lindagraceonline.com/get-the-focus-on-you/ When people can see your face they have a tendency to trust you more and turn into customers more quickly!
Linda
May 9th, 2011 at 7:44 pm
This is a great list of what needs to be done to help in nurturing your child and giving them the needed attention that is required from a parent. This would be very good for those parents who don’t have the time to spend the whole day with their kids. I do most of these but is still guilty of a few mistakes. With the busy schedule that I usually have there are some times when my kid gets neglected. I do try to make up with it.
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May 11th, 2011 at 8:50 am
Maria,
No mother can or should do everything for their children, I learned that from personal experience! I’m sure you’re doing a great job!
Linda
July 18th, 2011 at 5:26 am
Thank you for this article. That’s all I can say. You most definitely have made this blog into something special. You clearly know what you are doing, you’ve covered so many bases.Thanks!
May 30th, 2011 at 9:56 pm
the episode on Desperate Housewives showed so clearly how powerful a parent’s love is for providing healthy self-esteem in a child.
May 31st, 2011 at 12:57 pm
Betsy,
I haven’t watched Desperate Housewives, I’m spending to much time online! I’m glad they are teaching some truths!
Linda
ps. Why don’t you get a Gravatar, a picture connected to your comments? I’ll show you how here http://lindagraceonline.com/get-the-focus-on-you/ then leave another comment and let me see!
July 11th, 2011 at 9:26 pm
Whenever I see a self-esteem question on this site I almost always see the advice to just keep repeating good things to yourself like I’m a good person and repeat it so many times a day until you convince yourself.
James Clerk
My Blog
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August 20th, 2011 at 7:53 pm
I find your tips quite helpful. I agree that we should start building our kids self-esteem at their very young age. I’m sure they will carry that self-esteem as they grow up…
August 22nd, 2011 at 8:10 pm
Michelle,
Yes! I feel if they get it when they are young it will benefit them in their future! Unfortunately no matter how hard we try, our kids still suffer from self-esteem issues just like we did!
Linda
October 30th, 2011 at 11:43 pm
Thanks a lot for this great content that you’ve shared to us.I think it’ll help a lot in my future kids as well as to my self.Keep it up posting.
November 3rd, 2011 at 6:16 pm
Alright..I grew up that i don’t have enough self-esteem,so i want to practice this to my future child so that they will be confident in facing their dreams and goals.Thanks a lot for this great content here.It’s really a big help.:)
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November 6th, 2011 at 5:38 pm
I believe on these process i apply this to my children and i see good results. As a parent i recommend this to readers thanks.
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November 7th, 2011 at 8:53 pm
Hi Linda,
Your post is such a great information to all mothers around the world. Even if I’m still young I am very touch to your “short list of ideas” it’s very heart warming. Hope that all mothers are like this.
November 10th, 2011 at 6:13 pm
Hi Linda,
I really love your post. You give a great idea to all mothers out there. Calling all mothers! You must read this post.
November 14th, 2011 at 9:42 pm
That innocent, sweet child did not have a chance to develop healthy self-esteem, love for himself or love for anyone else. Parents have an awesome responsibility to provide that love for their children.Anyway, thanks for sharing.
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November 17th, 2011 at 5:04 pm
Anyway the parent has responsible enough to let their children learn to be confident enough and force the kids to be develop a self-esteem towards their circle of friends. It is a matter of exposing with them to the outside of the community where they could play and find a new friends to be treasure in the near future. Thanks for sharing!