I’m sure you’ve seen her. You might even know her. That super confident, always poised person who isn’t swept up in the opinions of others. Her healthy social relationships are relaxed and joyful. Although she values her friends and family, she’s strong enough to make good decisions without crumbling to the pressure or expectations of those around her. Everyone treats her with great respect and seems happier when she’s around. In fact, she’s usually happy herself. Often it even seems that she gets favorable treatment wherever she goes.

Why did she seem to do it with such ease?

Studies have shown that people with healthy self-esteem really are treated differently than people with low-self-esteem. Because of this treatment, it re-enforces what they already believe about themselves. Higher self-esteem people often receive favorable treatment. They’re strengthened by positive past performance and they believe they are and will be successful in what they set out to do.

Low-self-esteem people are often plagued by doubt, past rejections and failure. They are more likely ignored, put down, rejected, not listened to, compared to others or labeled than their higher self-esteem counterparts. Because they rely on others to support and approve of them, they give in to peer pressure more often.

It really does matter what we think about ourselves.

A friend of mine has a note taped by her computer to remind her of this. It says, “Listen to your heart above all other voices.”
~ Marta Kagan

It might not be an overnight process to become the confident, poised person we long to be. But we can start focusing on good, right, true thoughts and then we’ll be one step closer to becoming that person we truly long to be.

Tell me in the comments what you’ve done to be the woman you want to be.

As we focus on strengths everywhere around us, our self-confidence and feelings of worth are seen. When we focus on the good around us we’ll see our situations improve! See the positive! Recognize accomplishments everywhere! Respect everyone!

Choose to see the good in yourself and others then watch what comes back to you!
Enjoy the Day,
Linda Grace

Powerlessness. Can you point to a time you felt that way? Most everyone has at least one incident they can recall. Others don’t know what life feels like outside of feelings of powerlessness. It’s a way of life. Some of us learn powerlessness as a young child because we lived in abusive situations that had no escape. Some learn it as adults, when faced with situations that are beyond our control such as trying to get ahead of the bills, or working for a power-hungry boss that is impossible to please.

Some powerlessness comes from external factors that are beyond our control (the holocaust is an extreme example of this) people stripped of dignity and all rights and treated in ways inconceivable to the human mind.

Some powerlessness, however, is learned behavior. For example, a child who grew up in an abusive family, might grow up, leave home, get married and successfully run their own business, yet still feel powerless. This learned thinking (i.e. everyone but ME is in control of me), although no longer true, feels very true to the person living it.

Breaking out of this cycle isn’t easy, but it’s possible. And it begins by learning that you count. You have the right to be in charge of your own life. You have the power to make decisions that are best for you. You have the right to ask for what you need, and to express how you feel.

You do matter. And you can make a difference in your life. It’s possible to take the reins back and steer your life in the direction you want it to go.

When a person, who once felt like the world ran them, begins to experience the feelings of power, whole new horizons open up before them. They realize they don’t have to be a victim anymore! What they think and feel does matter. They have the opportunity to change course and change their minds. They aren’t just a tiny boat being thrashed to and fro on a big scary ocean, no! They’re the captain of a big luxury cruise liner and have their destination in sights and are steering the boat exactly where they want to go.

We might not be able to control every aspect of our lives, and I’m not suggesting that we try. But, we can influence the circumstances in our lives, plot our course and make decisions that are best for us. We don’t have to give our power to someone else. It’s ours! So don’t feel guilty for taking some power back and learning how to steer your life in the direction of your dreams.

“How you perceive yourself determines what you think you are able to do and that determines in turn what you will try. So the self-concept has a tremendous effect upon the intelligence of the individual.”
–Arthur W. Combs

Parenting is hard, but does it all have to be work? NO! With a positive attitude and a little imagination, there are plenty of fun things that can help boost your child’s self-esteem. Here’s just a small list to get your creative juices flowing.

1. Sing loving songs to your child.
2. Sit with your baby or young child on your lap with a mirror in your hand. Allow them to see themselves with you and the love you have for them.
3. Carve out special time just for your child and give them your full attention.
4. Ask your child’s opinion.
5. Ask them to “teach” you something they know.
6. Play.
7. Address them by name.
8. Recognize a special talent and encourage them in it.
9. Set aside a WALL OF FAME in your house to showcase your children’s accomplishments.
10. Plant a garden.
11. Allow your child to be part of the vacation planning.
12. Cook together.

Here is a fun cooking activity we can do with our children. Just like many of you, my sister-in-law, Michelle, made free-hand pancake shapes with her kids - one day she saw the vision and created oven-safe Food Shapers!  Now Shape-It’s offers a one-of-a-kind product called The Play With Your Food Kit! All are designed to make playing with your food a mother-sanctioned and memorable family tradition!

Shape-Its food forms are manufactured from an aircraft aluminum alloy that has been specially processed to provide years of durable use with out losing it’s shape. These forms work great for shaping any kind of shapeable food (i.e. pancakes, cakes, cookies, gelatin, ice cream, marshmallows treats, brownies and more.) Each form is easy to clean, dishwasher safe, oven safe to 350 degrees and will not rust. All Shape-Its forms are equipped with folding handles to make storing easy.

Shape-It’s has a wide variety of kits that contain 2-3 Shape-It’s food forms, 2 decorating gels, 2 decorating sprinkles and 4 food-safe markers that come in a clear, re-usable vinyl bag for just $16.99.

Shape-It’s also offers Single Food Forms that kids will love; Animals, Dinosaurs, Holidays, Sea Creatures, Trucks, Trains and Airplanes for only $5.99 or $6.99 each.  Place an Order Here.

Michelle has given wonderful suggestions of creative ways to make the cooking experience fun for everyone! 

With a little imagination, the above list will grow and grow. Sometimes the best thing you can do for your child’s self-esteem is to just spend time. Time in a busy world speaks volumes.

Tell me how you have fun with your children and boosted their self esteem in the process~

In bringing up children, spend on them half as much money and twice as much time.

“People seldom improve when they have no other model but themselves to copy.”
–Oliver Goldsmith

Is Superman in the building?

Okay Superman is a bit much, I admit, but where are the good role models for us to follow? And, just as important, how do we become good role models for others?

Role models are human reference points for us to follow. Not copy. Not become an exact replica of, but follow. They are people ahead of us on the road that light the way. People we respect that hold the same values and are living life in a brave, upright, healthy way.

If you doubt the power of a role model think back to a really outstanding (or exceptionally terrible) teacher you had growing up. Do you remember anything good (or bad) they did or said that helped form the person you are today?

Not only do we need role models in our lives, but we also need to live in such a way that we can be role models to others. If you have children, being a role model is not an option. It comes with the job. Our children watch everything we say and do. Nothing escapes them. Whether good or bad, we are the first role models they ever have.

How do you become a good role model? Here are a few suggestions to get you started:

1. WATCH your actions. Others are.
2. BE HONEST with yourself. How can you become a better person?
3. REPAIR yourself. Get rid of those less than stellar problems and habits that you have.
4. SHINE. Let your good stuff show.
5. PUT YOUR HEART into it. Do your best at whatever you do and therefore inspire others to give 100% to life.

What kind of role models did you have growing up? What kind do you have now? Take stock of your current life and see if you need to search out new role models to emulate.

Here are some things to look for when considering a new role model:

1. Do they seem to have confidence in their own abilities?
2. Do they celebrate people as unique and special?
3. Do they interact well with others and take time to communicate?
4. Do they live their life according to the standards you believe important?
5. Do they spend time making the world a better place?

Never underestimate the need for a good role model in your life, nor the power of your example in the lives of others.

“Learn from the mistakes of others—you can’t live long enough to make all of them yourself.”
–Martin Vanbee

“Today you are You, that is truer than true. There is no one alive who is Youer than You.” –Dr. Seuss

In a society that seems to reward us for looking, acting and thinking alike, having a unique identity might seem a bit out of date, or even worse, like a sure route to social stigma. Celebrating our individual uniqueness starts by acknowledging and respecting the qualities we posses that make us different from everyone else. We are special. No one is exactly like us. And that’s GOOD! Another aspect of uniqueness is the need to be respected by others and admired for possessing those unique qualities. While we can’t control what others think about us, we can control what we think about ourselves. And, believe it or not, the way we think, speak and treat ourselves, is a big indication to others on how to think, speak to, and treat us. Instead of looking around at how beautiful, rich, smart, and talented others are and wishing we were like them, let’s spend some time looking inside us to see what unique, wonderful gems we’ve hidden away. Time to pull them out! Wondering how much freedom you’ve given yourself to be you? Think about things like this:

1. Are you doing things for the right reason (i.e. the groups you’ve joined, the hobbies you spend time on, the sports you play/watch, etc.)?

2. How do you dress? in things you like, or labels/styles that others dictate to you?

3. Are you aware of how you feel or do you let other’s thoughts and feelings dictate your behaviors?

4. Are there things that you’d like to do or try that you haven’t because nobody else is doing it, or nobody else would understand (i.e. a class or skill or hobby you’d like to learn/do, etc.)?

The less time we spend on looking at how together and cool others are, the better. Then we’ll have the time we need to develop and love the uniqueness of ourselves. As we grow in our ability to let ourselves be us, our desire to be more like everyone else will disappear. And in it’s place, our self-worth will become stronger.
Are you finding this to be true?

“Envy is a symptom of lack of appreciation of our own uniqueness and self worth. Each of us has something to give that no one else has.” —Anon

Like a favored recipe, the making and maintaining of a healthy self-esteem start with the right fresh ingredients lovingly prepared. Here’s a recipe that we all need to add to our lives and enjoy often.

Recipe for a Healthy Self-Esteem:

Start with one part connection Liberally sprinkle with large doses of unique identity Season with a bit of power Stir in positive role models Mix all ingredients together and let self-esteem rise.

This recipe is best if consumed as a regular part of daily life.

After many years of research, Clemes and Bean found that only four basic conditions are necessary for maintaining a high self-esteem: connectiveness, uniqueness, power and role models.

Over the course of the next few blog entries, I will discuss each of these vital conditions with you in detail. Let’s start with Connectiveness.

Connectiveness. The satisfaction a person experiences when he/she feels part of or belongs to something larger (group, family, etc.) than themselves, and when they feel they’re important to those people with whom they “belong”.

 No man is an island. This is more than a clique. It’s the truth. We need each other.

Psychologist Abraham Maslow concluded that the need to belong is one of the five basic needs a human being has, and is only lower than psychological (food, water, shelter) and safety (security, stability, freedom from fear) needs. It’s no wonder that you can belong to almost ANY kind of group in our society, sports, school and church groups, peer, critique, and hobby groups. The list goes on and on.

Take a look at your connections. How connected do you feel? What groups do you belong to? What kind of social framework does your life rest upon? How connected to your family and friends are you?

If the answers to these questions feel a bit sparse, look into ways you can build up that connection in your life.

Connectiveness is an essential ingredient for living a healthy, balanced life and will help ensure that your self-esteem is right where it should be. In

In contrast to how a child belongs in the world, adult belonging is never as natural, innocent, or playful. Adult belonging has to be chosen, received, and renewed. It is a lifetime’s work. –John O’Donahue

“One filled with joy preaches without preaching.”
–Mother Theresa

Mother Theresa’s adage could go on to say, “One filled with guilt preaches without preaching, one filled with low self-worth preaches without preaching, fill in the blank…it works for just about anything you struggle with. How we present ourselves to the world is important. And it starts with what we think about ourselves.

We’ve been talking for awhile about the essential characteristics necessary for someone to maintain a high self-esteem, connection to others, the ability to see and appreciate their own uniqueness, a sense of having power over their lives and life decisions, and the presence of positive role models.

Now let’s look at our role in maintaining a positive self-esteem for our children’s sake. What does me having a good self-esteem have to do with my children? Well, pretty much everything, let me explain.

Studies have shown that homes that have certain characteristics in operation in the home generally produce children that have high self-esteem. Do you want to know the number one characteristic? Yep. It’s high parental self-esteem.

What? You mean we can’t just love and encourage our kids and give them permission to be unique? All of that is important, yes, but your children are still going to absorb everything you say and do, as well as those things you don’t say and do. They’re dry sponges eagerly soaking up your example.

Do you feel good about yourself? If you do, it helps your children feel good about themselves in return. Do you embrace your own uniqueness? Ditto for your children. There is no easy way to get around it: Healthy Self-Esteem grows Healthy Self-Esteem. It’s gotta start with us.

The good news is this: The more we actively work to boost our children’s self-esteem, the more it helps boost our own. Whew. Now that feels a bit better, doesn’t it? We don’t have to have all the right answers. We just need to be striving in the right direction.

So, on those days when you feel like scum and want to verbally beat yourself silly, think of your kids. Build them up. Tell them what a great person they are. It’s infectious. Pretty soon you’ll feel better about yourself too, as you watch your child beaming with pride.

After all, one filled with joy preaches without preaching. even when it’s your child’s joy preaching to you.

Your child’s self-esteem is off and running before he learns to walk! Most authorities agree that the self-esteem begins to form at birth. But what does that mean to a parent who got a late start?

To re-word a popular cliche: The best time to start building your child’s self-esteem is the day she’s born. The next best time to start is TODAY.

Just being aware of the role you play as a parent in forming your child’s self-worth puts you ahead of pack. Whether your children are newborn or eight or sixteen, it’s never too late to build them up. Make sure they know you love them and are proud of them. Tell them repeatedly and in many different ways. The message will sink in and take root in their lives, no matter how young or old they are.

Here’s a short list of ideas to help you affirm your children as a regular part of your day:

1. Tell them how proud you are of their accomplishments
2. Brag about their accomplishments to others (in front of them)
3. Spend time talking to them (and listening to what they’re really saying)
4. Set aside time to read a book or play a game together
5. Celebrate who they are in little ways, don’t wait for a formal occasion (i.e. stick a note in their lunch box, take them out for a one-on-one date, etc.)
6. Make their favorite dinner for no special reason and remind them that you did it because you love them
7. Apologize when you’re wrong
8. At dinner, tell each of your family members three things you appreciate about them or positive things you noticed that they’ve recently done or accomplished

If you’re a family that struggles with showing love and appreciation to one another it might feel awkward at first, but don’t give up. Sooner than you think it will become second nature to you.

And a big reward is this: you’ll get to see your child’s self-esteem bloom and grow right before your very eyes! No matter how old they are when you start!

Tell me how you give the gift of self-esteem to your children or how you were given the gift from your parents!

P.S. If you would like to read more, you can choose from a variety of new or bargain priced books, here’s the link to Linda’s Self-esteem Book Store.