Guest Author Misty Cox

I am a jack of all trades in the homemaking with children department.  I have given birth in a hospital, on a birthing stool, at home in bed, and in a huge soft birthing tub.   Our kids have done public school, charter schools, online schools, and all-out home school.  I have baked and cooked up all kinds of meat-filled, sugar-filled, and butter laden dishes followed up with tofu vegan lasagna and 100% raw vegan squash spaghetti.  Pick a year or two and I can tell you what phase I was in.

I like to try things.  I like to organize things.  Everything has it’s place.  Including each one of my phases.  I put my vegetarian phase in with my early home school phase.  My walking phase goes in with my Weight Watcher phase.  Everything in a box.  Like teaching history and literature and math and science but not having any of those things touch.  Each subject completely apart from the other.  Don’t let the peas touch the mashed potatoes because that’s just gross.

I did learn something once though.  I can’t treat myself like a dinner plate.  I cannot take care of my mind with only a bit of reading and stimulating conversation.  My emotional well being hinges on more than just high doses of B-Vitamins.  My mind, my feelings, and my body are so interconnected there is no telling where one ends and the other begins.  My strength is so much more than muscle mass.  I have learned that being healthy is finding balance.  It is that place where mind, body, and spirit meet and have a pleasant conversation.  They agree. There is harmony.  And there is work.

Energy spent for emotional well being.  Effort put forth to fortify the mind.  Exercise of body and mind for the sake of peace within.  There is no substitute for work.  Work is a true and divine principle.  My work has ranged from willing my body to crawl across the floor to call for help, to running 200 miles across the desert with a relay team of friends on no sleep and little food.  My work is mine.  It is finding the right thing at the right time.

It seems as though this time, yoga is the thing.  With my husband.

My cute man does YOGA with me!  He used to roll his eyes and chuckle softly when I would talk to him about a full yogic breath and centering and sun salutations.  Now he is “Namaste-ing” with the best of em’.  Well.  Kind of.  Instead of touching his head to his shins he is only able to reach in the general direction, but hey, he is taking a certain level of relaxation with him throughout his day.  And that is cool.

So I am thinking that maybe my current yoga phase can touch my running phase which coincides with my walking phase.  Maybe they can cozy up and hold hands.  Maybe they can even get thrown into a bowl together and get all mixed up and combine together so you can’t tell where one ends and the other begins.  I like that idea.  It reminds me of making cookies.  Healthy no sugar no flour cookies of course.  Which I did.  Last night.  I will show you those next time.

But for now, let’s just eat our peas and potatoes together in one bite.  Mind, body, and spirit.  Working together.  Inhale and Stretch to Your Left…….

I’m a parent of eight children. They are “stuck” with me, just as I am “stuck” with them. However, it wasn’t until my second adopted child was a teenager that the term “stuck with us” became a family expression. When my teenage daughter, like many teens, didn’t like the family rules, she wanted to move in with her friend. In her mind, they were a better family and she didn’t understand why she couldn’t live there! I said, YOU’RE STUCK WITH US! I explained that just like all of her siblings, she can move out when she’s 18! Until then, we are all she’s got!

Usually our children are stuck with us during the formative years of birth till two or three. Adopted children don’t always have that benefit. Since many kids are stuck together during those formative years it’s important to understand how much influence we have as parents and the best ways to use it. How we raise our children will have a far-reaching impact farther than anything else we do in our lives. It’s not just about our interaction with our children. It’s how they interact with those around them. How they pick a spouse. How they raise their children. How their children interact with those around them. How they pick a spouse, raise their children and on and on it goes. Our positive (or negative) influence in their lives potentially lives on for generations and generations.

My mom set a great example for me when I was young. She broke the cycle of abuse in her family. It probably would have been easier for her to continue along in the patterns of abuse. Change is hard. Especially change that involves issues of self-worth. But my mom didn’t choose the easy way out. She chose a higher ground. She proved to me that change is possible.

Because of my mom’s bravery, she and my dad were able to raise my brother and me in a positive atmosphere. We knew they loved us and we never questioned that we “belonged”. Yes, we, too, were stuck with our parents and they were stuck with us. Fortunately for us, this sticky relationship developed many good characteristics in our lives and gave us a strong foundation for when we began raising children of our own.

Mirror, mirror on the wall, I’ve become my mother, after all.

Did your teenagers ever wish they had a different family? How did you handle it? Stories, I want stories! Leave them in the comments below!

What I enjoyed about newborns: When I had my first child, I loved it! I loved everything about having a baby! I wanted to have many more! The wonder of birth almost overwhelmed me! Seeing my little girl for the first time, the beauty, the delicate dependency, the feeling I had of being a co-creator was amazing!
What I learned from new borns: I gave birth to my first child in the hospital close to my college campus in Utah in 1985. I didn’t have any experience with children. I didn’t babysit newborns growing up, I didn’t have any younger siblings or cousins, I never had any real experience with babies. I read everything that I could find during the 9 months of pregnancy. I took all the classes that the hospital offered, read all the books they suggested, and I felt prepared. When I was preparing for discharge from the hospital, the nurses went over all of the information one more time, how to change diapers, breast feed, who to call with questions or in case of emergencies, and I was off. When my husband and I got home with our bundle of the baby, I immediately called my mom. I was so excited! I told her we had arrived to our home with our new baby! I told her about the quick delivery, and how great we were both doing. Then I sincerely asked my first question, “Mom, now what do I do with the baby?” I could hear the smile on her face when my mom answered, “If she’s hungry you feed her, if she’s wet you change her diaper, if she’s tired you put her to bed.” “But mom,” I asked again, “what do I do with her?”

Action: Read, Ask, Listen, Practice

Read: We are living in the “Information Age”. We have not only books and magazines, radio and television, but now the internet is here to teach us! There is so much knowledge available to us, right in front of us! Now instead of not having enough information, we have to selectively choose how we will spend time with this information!! New addictions, “of the millennium” they are called are another opportunity to develop self control. Many people love to chat online, or they’re gamers, but we need to limit our time away from the important people in our lives! We need to identify goals, and set limits for ourselves. (I feel another blog-post coming on!)
I recommend getting involved with parenting groups. An easy access to information: Find websites that you enjoy, really learn all there is to know about the growth of your baby. My daughters are members of BabyCenter.com They signed up for free and tracked the growth of their baby from the time of conception! Both my daughters and sons-in-law were excited to read the progress each week. They were able to read lots of information from reliable sources about the progress of the child and all of this information helped them feel prepared to deliver!

Ask: your parents or the other positive parents in your life for information.

Listen: to what is going on around you~ watch and pay attention to what other successful (and unsuccessful) people are doing. And tell them when you appreciate their example! Parents are grateful when you complement them on their parenting, no matter where they are! It’s amazing how it will help a parent in a grocery store line, as the child begs for candy, and you see Mom standing firm and not giving in, if you to simply smile and say something like, “Good Job! Stay strong, mom!” Or if the child is really obnoxious and you can see mom vacillating, simply make eye contact and say, “I hate it when that happens!”

Practice: the good that you have learned. As you learn about the importance of staying calm and talking to your baby in a kind voice even before the baby is born, do it!