I’m sure you’ve seen her. You might even know her. That super confident, always poised person who isn’t swept up in the opinions of others. Her healthy social relationships are relaxed and joyful. Although she values her friends and family, she’s strong enough to make good decisions without crumbling to the pressure or expectations of those around her. Everyone treats her with great respect and seems happier when she’s around. In fact, she’s usually happy herself. Often it even seems that she gets favorable treatment wherever she goes.

Why did she seem to do it with such ease?

Studies have shown that people with healthy self-esteem really are treated differently than people with low-self-esteem. Because of this treatment, it re-enforces what they already believe about themselves. Higher self-esteem people often receive favorable treatment. They’re strengthened by positive past performance and they believe they are and will be successful in what they set out to do.

Low-self-esteem people are often plagued by doubt, past rejections and failure. They are more likely ignored, put down, rejected, not listened to, compared to others or labeled than their higher self-esteem counterparts. Because they rely on others to support and approve of them, they give in to peer pressure more often.

It really does matter what we think about ourselves.

A friend of mine has a note taped by her computer to remind her of this. It says, “Listen to your heart above all other voices.”
~ Marta Kagan

It might not be an overnight process to become the confident, poised person we long to be. But we can start focusing on good, right, true thoughts and then we’ll be one step closer to becoming that person we truly long to be.

Tell me in the comments what you’ve done to be the woman you want to be.

Reality is you are a diamond in the rough. The Divine Creator has perfectly made you. Whether you recognize it or not, underneath it all, you are a beautiful, sparkling, diamond! Your journey in this life can lead you to this realization!

All that we have thought and believed up to this time in our lives has made us into what we are. We can choose to think and believe anything we want. We have the power to change.

It is important for you to realize that your mind is not in control. You are in control of your mind. As you sit back and watch yourself, as a mouse in your pocket, you’ll be able to see what you’re doing, and get in touch with what is going on inside. As you start to see, you’ll be able to admit honestly what you’re feeling and thinking. It all starts by being aware. We need to observe what’s going on inside our minds. Ultimately, we need to master the skill of observing ourselves.

We all are meant to live happy, wonderful lives.

Unfortunately, we have all experienced pain on different levels. We need to identify our emotional pain, it can be debilitating. It doesn’t matter what kind of pain it is, it hurts. Don’t compare yourself with others, rationalizing that because someone else has it worse, we don’t need to work on it. The pain that you feel is real. It needs to be acknowledged, worked through (felt) and let go.

Pain is one of the greatest motivators to master our skill as an observer. Pain gets our attention. Unfortunately, because it hurts so badly, we often avoid or minimize it.

Paying attention and feeling your emotions is the quickest way to get on the right track and begin to create a beautiful life. Being a Master Observer is a wonderful path, working through the past pain, facing and feeling it frees you.

I’m telling you about a direction that may seem difficult at this time.

Take a deep breath with the reassurance that with these techniques you’ll come out on the other side feeling better. You’ll see that your divine nature is ready to shine. Sometimes we feel that we are not deserving of goodness. We take the air we breathe for granted. Air is a divine gift waiting for us at no asking. God wants us to have everything that He has.

We can take control of our minds. We can stop thinking the thoughts that are hurting us.

When you hear yourself thinking things like, “I don’t deserve this,” or “this is too hard”, take mental control. You can stop thinking those old thoughts. Say to yourself, “I now choose to believe it is becoming easy for me to change.”

As Louise Hay says, “The thoughts we choose to think are the tools we use to paint the canvas of our lives.”

We can change our lives, if we are willing to change our thoughts.

It is true that we are our own worst critic. Re-programming our mind with positive thoughts about ourselves is as simple as we choose to make it.

Start with one thought. Write down a wonderful statement about yourself, and repeat it throughout the day. Say it out loud at least 10 times a day, first thing when you wake up, and last thing before falling asleep. If you’re having a hard time coming up with a statement because you don’t yet believe positive things about yourself, here are a few good thoughts to start with. Whether you believe it or not at this time, say it.

“I am worthwhile.”

“I am deserving.”

“I love myself.”

“I allow myself to be fulfilled.”

Make a commitment to yourself. Write these statements down and put them in places that you will read them: on your mirror, on your computer screen or refrigerator, wherever you”ll see them. Remember to repeat them out loud.

You’ll be amazed at how gently these thoughts change your life.

I”d love to hear what you think about this! Leave a comment below!

An ‘ol timer said so! I met a man in the Doctor’s office yesterday, he must have been 97 years old. He said that he’s sure spring is here. He said here in the Matansuka Valley you can count 5 warm/cold cycles every year. This is the 5th this year, so he knows it’s the real thing! The 8 inches of snow and the 2 degree weather we enjoyed - ugh- in the middle of February was the last for this year! The phone number here in the valley for time and temp is 844. This morning’s report - Imagine the “recorded” voice saying:

“Good Morning, Today is Thursday March 18 – Matanuska telephone time is 5:56am. The current temperature is 25 degrees. Now Palmer’s only official forecast. Partly sunny today, highs in the mid 30′s to the lower 40′s. Mostly cloudy tonight, chance of snow after midnight, lows in the 20′s. Mostly cloudy on Friday, a chance of rain or snow, highs around 40.
We’ll have 12 hours and 3 minutes of daylight.
Thanks for calling the weather phone, another service of Matanuska Telephone Association.”

5 years ago, we did get a surprise. On May 5, as soon as I had gotten the kids snow gear all packed up and put away for the summer, we got over a foot of snow! The kids were in elementary school so we had to get them all back out again! I’ll trust what the ‘ol timer said for this year!!

It’s time to put away the snow gear!

You might be an Alaskan if:
1. A snowmachine is something you ride, not something that makes snow.
2. You don’t understand what’s so exciting about seeing a moose wandering through the middle of town.
3. Texas seems awfully small and crowded.
4. You need an air conditioner when the temperature soars into the 60′s.
5. You cannot imagine life without duct tape. (they say we are the duct tape capital of the united states! Duct tape is used for everything up here! If a jacket has a rip in it, duct tape. If the car has a broken bumper, duct tape. Fix anything: eye glasses, tools, gardening equipment, building supplies, shoes, all with duct tape. The high school kids have theme days to dress up for fun during homecoming week: school colors- blue & white day, 50′s day, Harley Davis day, Hawaiian day and Duct tape and tarp day (the kids literally create outfits out of tarps and duct tape!) It was a crack up when Wal-Mart ran out of duct tape one time (people were jokingly saying it was a state emergency!)

Encouragement: Building Confidence and Feelings of Worth
1. Encouragement is the process of focusing on your children’s assets and strengths in order to build their self-confidence and feelings of worth.
2. Focus on what is good about the child or the situation. See the positive!
3. Accept your children as they are. Don’t make your love and acceptance dependent on their behavior.
4. Have faith in your children so they can come to believe in themselves.
5. Let your children know their worth. Recognize improvement and effort, not just accomplishment.
6. Respect your children. It will lay the foundation of their self-respect.
7. Praise is reserved for things well done. It implies a sprit of competition. Encouragement is given for effort or improvement. It implies a spirit of cooperation.
8. The most powerful forces in human relationships are expectations. We can influence a person’s behavior by changing our expectations of the person.
9. Lack of faith in children helps them to anticipate failure.
10. Standards that are too high invite failure and discouragement.
11. Avoid subtle encouragement of competition between brothers and sisters.
12. Avoid using discouraging words and actions.
13. Avoid tacking qualifiers to your words of encouragement. Don’t give with one hand and take away with the other.
Systematic Training for Effective Parenting by Don C. Dinkmeyer Sr., Gary D. McKay, Don C. Dinkmeyer Jr.

Instead of repeating the same mistakes your parents made, you can learn from them. Instead of wounding your kids, you can learn and grow from your experiences. This is what my mother did. She was a child wait, it goes back a generation. Mom’s grandma was abused by her grandpa. This was back in 1910.

Grandma experienced such a horrible family life where she learned, deep down, that men are bad. Then my grandma found men that lived up to her expectations, she married men who were bad. This created a horrible upbringing for my mom.

My mom broke the chain of abuse. She rose above the destructive patterns that she was taught as a youth. I’m sure my mom knew that her home was missing something. She saw her friend’s family life and wished she had a life like they did.

Mom became a pioneer. She watched and read. She paid attention to how she was feeling, what her automatic responses were, and learned how to change. Mom realizes that grandma did the best she could with the information that she had, then selectively chose what patterns she was going to keep and pass on to her children.

She married a good man, and together the two of them raised my brother and me. Both of us felt like we were truly loved, like we belonged. As I grew, I learned that my mom had us in mind as she was facing all the pain and developing new thought patterns.

Mom became the parent that she always wished she had. It was a very difficult transition for her, but I know that my mom is glad she did. She has seen the love and cheering she did for us come back to her. She is completely loved and adored by her kids and grandkids.

Did you have a similar situation? Are you or were your parents Pioneers?

One day, I was at the tail end of an MS exacerbation and I wasn’t able to do everything for my children that I used to do. I had always planned and prepared wonderful activities for my kids. Of course, they did their work around the house, they earned their money, the older kids paid for their own car-insurance. They were becoming responsible, contributing members of society, but I had been able to celebrate life with them! We were so happy!

I was in the kitchen, slowly cooking dinner, trying to hide the tears of mourning in my eyes, when my daughter noticed and asked, “What’s wrong, Mom?” I told her I was feeling sad because I couldn’t do everything that I used to be able to do.

“My greatest sadness,” I told her, “is that I won’t be able to make you happy.”
“But Mom,” Jaimi said, “I am happy.”

It was an “AH-HA Moment!” It came to me that I’m not responsible for my children’s happiness, anyone’s happiness for that matter! We all create our own reality!

Another great lesson that I learned through this MS experience. We truly are the creators of our own universe, no matter what our external circumstances are, we can be truly happy!

PS. This is Jaimi in 2001 and then again graduating high school in 2010.

Tell-tail Signs of Low-Self-Esteem

Wondering how your children stack up on the self-esteem scale? Although there’s no sure-fire way to gauge and grade self-esteem, there are some key signs to look for:

1. Does your child avoid activities or situations that cause anxiety (i.e. math class or PE)?
2. Does your child repeatedly put down his talents?
3. Does your child blame others for her shortcomings and have a hard time taking responsibility for his own actions?
4. Do others easily influence your child? Does he repeatedly give in to peer pressure?
5. Is your child defensive or have a low tolerance for frustration?
6. Does your child feel powerless?

According to Clemes and Bean, researchers and authors, these characteristics are often associated with children struggling with low self-esteem.

If your child exhibits many of these characteristics, don’t panic. Self-esteem is formed. This means it can be molded in new directions. Consistent love, support and feelings of acceptance can begin to turn the tide. Make no doubt about it kids don’t miss a thing! If you help them feel important, it will make a difference. Before long you will see less and less self-esteem challenged behavior as your child will becomes increasingly self-confident.

You may have heard the funny little adage: I wish I were the person my dog believes I am.

Dog owners read that and smile. Ah, yes unconditional love lavished upon us regardless of our faults. It doesn’t matter if we’re fat or old or forgot to make snacks for our children’s youth function. We are perfect in the eyes of our dog.

A person struggling with self-esteem issues often spends her whole life listening to what other’s think about her. And it’s never as glamorous as the dog’s opinion! How well we “measure up” to expectations of others (and ourselves) often becomes our measurement of success.

Our self-esteem is, essentially, a measuring stick of how we view ourselves. It’s my evaluation of me; you’re evaluation of you. It’s a self-appraisal based on what we feel (and what we imagine other people must think) about our life performance how capable, lovely, worthy, successful, appreciated, beautiful and flawless we are.

The problem with this is that we have a wacky set of measuring tools that tell us what the standard is. We are constantly bombarded by our culture, media, relationships, work, friends, commercials, newspaper, Internet, our feelings at any given moment, and our health. Much of what we hear (or sometimes perceive we hear) is not realistic. Yet, we embrace it as TRUTH and feverishly try to live this impossible standard. And when we fail, we use it as ammunition against our value as a person.

Having healthy self-esteem requires turning a deaf ear to the stuff flying at us that’s out of balance. It’s learning to rest in the truth that we are lovable, regardless of how we look, what kind of mood we’re in, how we clean our house, or how much money we make.

You are valuable. You are important. Period. There are NO qualifiers to this. There are no performance tests. You can set the ruler down. You measure up.

One of the first steps in boosting your self-esteem is to give yourself permission to be you: Unique, wonderful, interesting, glorious YOU. There is no one exactly like YOU. (And, believe it or not, it’s meant to be that way!)

Another crucial step is giving yourself permission to set realistic standards for yourself. Not the perceived standards of Hollywood, family, friends or co-workers. The key here is REALISTIC standards ones that fit YOU.

And if you have a dog, you just might want to thank him. Maybe he’s smarter than you’ve given him credit for. He loves you just for you. He doesn’t have anything he’s measuring you against. And just YOU is enough.