With enough attacks, the protective coating is gone and eventually the nerves themselves are injured. As the nerves are injured, the signals are unable to get from the brain to the body (in my case, mostly the legs). A serious attack is called an exacerbation and it’s crazy! I experienced about one every month for almost two years. So I really was able to identify what it felt like to head into an exacerbation.

When I started to get weary, a fatigued feeling, to the point that it was hard to pick up a pencil to write a note, or lift a spoon to eat a bite of soup, I new I was heading down. It felt like I was standing on the top of a very steep hill, almost a cliff.

Then it would just take a matter of hours, and it was like I had jumped down the hill.

It always made me think of Princess Buttercup in the movie Princess Bride when she tumbles down shouting after Wesley as he screamed, “as you wish!”

Unfortunately, it wasn’t as easy for me to get up as it was for Buttercup. I would be totally knocked out ~ flat in bed for days. The Dr. would give me mega doses of steroids to decrease the inflammation caused by the immune system’s malfunction.

A nurse would come to my house to give the steroid infusion, I’d tell the kids I had my own private nurse. The drugs would pick me back up but never to the point that I was before the attack. I’d have a couple weeks of feeling good before I’d roll back down again.

A very good friend gave me a journal so I could write about my experiences. Writing it all down was very therapeutic. I didn’t realize this benefit until years later.

Mar 11, 2001 2:00pm Sunday “I must have gotten a little better, I was sitting out in the kitchen after lunch and I thought I’m not rushing back to lay down, I must be feeling better, I hope I’ll continue to improve.”

Mar 19, 2001 “I need to ‘enjoy the moment without looking to the future with hope or fear or anything just ‘ENJOY THE NOW’ like Eckhart Toole said. “I realized that I had begun to EXPECT an exacerbation. I decided instead to ACCEPT what I couldn’t control.

In July 2006 I participated in a test study at Johns Hopkins -  the chemo put my MS in remission. Because it was a test, the neurologist didn’t know what would happen. He suggested I use a pharmaceutical called Copaxone for a year to re-program my immune system. I used the daily injection for almost a year and a half. I had it in my mind that given the proper nutrition and life style, my body would heal itself.

After the 18 months on Copaxone, I went on what the doctor called a medicine holiday. Eight months later, I realize that proper nutrition and life style doesn’t seem to keep everyone healthy. The MS was in remission until I stopped using Copaxone. I’ll go back on the Copaxone as soon as I can get in to see the Doctor.

As with all of us, the learning will never stop. I’ve been preaching to IDENTIFY and ENJOY THE NOW no matter what the external circumstances are when my external circumstances were good! Now the real learning begins! I have to say I’m really tired of this lesson!

Tell me your story and what you’ve learned!

Occurrences of male abuse against women are exponentially higher and more dangerous than the reverse. Domestic violence isn’t a trend — it’s an epidemic. And, according to Kristen Howell, director of development for Genesis Women’s Shelter in Dallas, Texas, it is pervasive, intergenerational and often deadly. She offers advice on how to recognize traits of an abusive relationship and, more importantly, how to get out of one in a safe manner.

“Many people mistakenly believe that domestic violence begins with a physical assault,” she says. “Verbal and emotional abuse often act as part of a rooming process that is aimed at one partner having power and control over the other person.”She also warns that an abusive partner can have hold over his counterpart through rage, hostility, isolation, obsession and intimidation. “He also will hurt things that are important to her — pets, children, special belongings. It’s all to gain control.”

Howell offers the following advice on how to get out of an abusive relationship:

Tell someone

The first thing a woman should do when she realizes she is in a violent relationship is to tell people who can help. Professionals can devise safety plans, assist with documentation for police reports, divorce and custody battles, and more.

Do what works
Some women decide in one day that living with abuse is no longer an option, and they will leave and never look back. Other women prepare methodically — gathering important documents, getting finances in order, developing a safety plan with a lawyer. Either way is fine, and the most important thing is leaving safely.

Keep Away
Leaving is one step in getting away. Keeping him away is the next hardest step. Abusive partners will go to great lengths to win the relationship back, so it is important to cut ties as much as possible.

Ask for help
Starting over is expensive, daunting, lonely and scary. But women can get through that part with support and resources. Expert counseling makes a big difference in navigating the confusion and keeping on track.

Diane G. Sagan, author of Shelter from the Storm and a survivor of a 10-year abusive relationship, found relief for herself and her children at a local shelter. “After being in denial for a long time, I began making a secret plan to save money. I thought I could hold things together for six months, but I didn’t even come close.”

Sagan has made a career out of her past experiences, using her life’s events to create a fictionalized story of a woman who successfully removes herself from an abusive relationship. She also serves as an inspirational speaker and mentor for women who are going through similar tough times. She urges women not to take matters into their own hands but to use the legal system instead as leverage to start over.

“Do not go back, no matter what he promises you,” she emphasizes.

7 million women and 1 million men

Eating disorders are usually divided into three categories: Anorexia, Bulimia and Compulsive Overeating (Binging).

Anorexia is basically a self-imposed starvation. Any actual gain or even perceived gain of weight, is met with intense fear. Although people with anorexia are obsessed with food, they continually deny their hunger. Anorexics view of themselves is distorted. In the obsessive pursuit of thinness, anorexics loose weight in a variety of ways; restrictive dieting, compulsive exercise, and laxative and diuretic abuse. If Anorexia is left untreated, it can cause severe medical problems and even lead to death.

Bulimia is the repeated cycle of out-of-control eating followed by some form of purging. Bulimics are caught in the devastating and addictive binge- purge cycle,  eating compulsively and then purging through self induced vomiting, use of laxatives, diuretics, diet pills, ipecac, strict diets, fasts, chew spitting, vigorous exercise, or other compensatory behaviors to prevent weight gain. Binges usually consist of the consummation of large amounts of food in a short period of time.

Bulimics, like Anorexics, are also obsessively involved with their body shape and weight. The medical complications of Bulimia or the binge-purge cycle can be severe, and like Anorexia, can be fatal.

Compulsive (Binge) Eating is excessive eating a lot of food during stressful times. Binge eating disorders usually occur in secret. While an unhealthy approach to life, this disorder does not typically lead to the types of health problems anorexic and bulimics have.
For many people, binge eating temporarily relieves stress, but after eating, guilt, shame, frustration and depression set in.  It’s a vicious cycle.  Compulsive Overeaters are often caught up in the vicious cycle of binge eating and depression. They often use food as a coping mechanism to deal with their feelings, but unfortunately feelings of quilt, shame, depression and embarrassment are added to the negative feelings experienced. 

It is not uncommon for compulsive overeaters to eat normally or not at all, in front of others and then make up for eating less by bingeing in secret. For others, binges consist of grazing on foods all day long.  Similar to Anorexics and bulimics, compulsive overeaters are constantly struggling and unhappy with their weight. People with eating disorders have a distorted view of how they look, and this differs from how others see them. The number on the scale often determines how they feel about themselves.
The practice of an eating disorder like anorexia, bulimia or compulsive overeating may be an expression of something that the eating disordered individual has found no other way of expressing. It can be looked at as a survival mechanism.

Just like an alcoholic uses alcohol to survive, people with eating disorders use eating to deal with their feelings.

Obesity and weight problems are an issue in the majority of people with compulsive eating problems,

I was not in the majority.

I am grateful for the hardworking, middle class family who I knew loved me. With this wonderful beginning, I was gifted to learn all I needed to know, about how to create a happy life for myself.  One of the defining experiences I had was a few years of compulsive eating. My first year of college, I developed an eating disorder.  I was like many people with an eating disorder, my perception was skewed. I thought I was overweight. I had a distorted view of how I looked, it was different from how others saw me. I was born with skinny genes, of course they saw me thin, but I felt fat. 

Like with all of my learning experiences, I’m grateful for this understanding that I have of eating disorders. With it I can relate with others and it’s easier for me to help.

No matter what your life experiences are, you are a valuable person! If you’re struggling with an eating disorder, as with any addiction, you can overcome! It will take serious introspection and time, but it can be done!

Don’t feel imprisoned in your own body any longer. Take control of your life! Allow me to provide you with the help that will set you free!

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