Your child’s self-esteem is off and running before he learns to walk! Most authorities agree that the self-esteem begins to form at birth. But what does that mean to a parent who got a late start?

To re-word a popular cliche: The best time to start building your child’s self-esteem is the day she’s born. The next best time to start is TODAY.

Just being aware of the role you play as a parent in forming your child’s self-worth puts you ahead of pack. Whether your children are newborn or eight or sixteen, it’s never too late to build them up. Make sure they know you love them and are proud of them. Tell them repeatedly and in many different ways. The message will sink in and take root in their lives, no matter how young or old they are.

Here’s a short list of ideas to help you affirm your children as a regular part of your day:

1. Tell them how proud you are of their accomplishments
2. Brag about their accomplishments to others (in front of them)
3. Spend time talking to them (and listening to what they’re really saying)
4. Set aside time to read a book or play a game together
5. Celebrate who they are in little ways, don’t wait for a formal occasion (i.e. stick a note in their lunch box, take them out for a one-on-one date, etc.)
6. Make their favorite dinner for no special reason and remind them that you did it because you love them
7. Apologize when you’re wrong
8. At dinner, tell each of your family members three things you appreciate about them or positive things you noticed that they’ve recently done or accomplished

If you’re a family that struggles with showing love and appreciation to one another it might feel awkward at first, but don’t give up. Sooner than you think it will become second nature to you.

And a big reward is this: you’ll get to see your child’s self-esteem bloom and grow right before your very eyes! No matter how old they are when you start!

Tell me how you give the gift of self-esteem to your children or how you were given the gift from your parents!

P.S. If you would like to read more, you can choose from a variety of new or bargain priced books, here’s the link to Linda’s Self-esteem Book Store.

One day, I was at the tail end of an MS exacerbation and I wasn’t able to do everything for my children that I used to do. I had always planned and prepared wonderful activities for my kids. Of course, they did their work around the house, they earned their money, the older kids paid for their own car-insurance. They were becoming responsible, contributing members of society, but I had been able to celebrate life with them! We were so happy!

I was in the kitchen, slowly cooking dinner, trying to hide the tears of mourning in my eyes, when my daughter noticed and asked, “What’s wrong, Mom?” I told her I was feeling sad because I couldn’t do everything that I used to be able to do.

“My greatest sadness,” I told her, “is that I won’t be able to make you happy.”
“But Mom,” Jaimi said, “I am happy.”

It was an “AH-HA Moment!” It came to me that I’m not responsible for my children’s happiness, anyone’s happiness for that matter! We all create our own reality!

Another great lesson that I learned through this MS experience. We truly are the creators of our own universe, no matter what our external circumstances are, we can be truly happy!

PS. This is Jaimi in 2001 and then again graduating high school in 2010.

What I enjoyed about toddlers: Watching them grow! It is so fun seeing them learn so quickly! The toddlers are discovering life and love, learning how much they can control in their environment. They are mastering their bodies, first the large motor skills, of walking, running and jumping. Then the small motor skills of eating with silverware, coloring and building block castles. The toddlers are learning what it means when people speak to them, and how to communicate their needs with words.

One day, my almost 3yr old son made a mess while eating breakfast. I told him he could go outside and play as soon as his mess was cleaned up. He rolled around on the floor, avoiding the clean-up. When I was done with my work in the kitchen, and ready to leave the room, I minded him, “you can go outside and play as soon as you’re done cleaning up your mess.” His reply, “Don’t worry mom, you’ll forget!”

What I learned from toddlers: The need for consistency.

Action: Read, Ask, Listen, Practice

Read: There are many fabulous parenting books available to help us.
My favorite is Parenting with Love and Logic by Foster W. Cline, M.D. and Jim Fay. With love and logic parenting, we’re able to help kids grow to adulthood, to become contributing members of society. If reading isn’t your thing, Love and Logic has CD sets available to buy and Podcasts to download.
I’ve learned that we are really not doing the kids any favors by doing work for them. It would have been much easier to just pick up the cereal for my son, but what would have happened in the future? I’m sure I’d still be picking up his messes! They would just be bigger and more painful!
 

Ask: Ask specific questions to the right person! Find a mentor. Stay close to someone who has succeeded in raising positive children.

Listen: to yourself. We have a natural instinct of how to help our children learn and progress. When we’re given advice, we can discern it’s value. As we study from the best teachers, we can decide if our children will progress doing what is taught.

Practice: Consistency will be one of our goals. We will be learning and growing with our children. We’ll be overcoming habits that were created as far back as our early childhood. As we are working on reaching the goals that we have set, we need to celebrate our accomplishments as we do our children.