Like a favored recipe, the making and maintaining of a healthy self-esteem start with the right fresh ingredients lovingly prepared. Here’s a recipe that we all need to add to our lives and enjoy often.

Recipe for a Healthy Self-Esteem:

Start with one part connection Liberally sprinkle with large doses of unique identity Season with a bit of power Stir in positive role models Mix all ingredients together and let self-esteem rise.

This recipe is best if consumed as a regular part of daily life.

After many years of research, Clemes and Bean found that only four basic conditions are necessary for maintaining a high self-esteem: connectiveness, uniqueness, power and role models.

Over the course of the next few blog entries, I will discuss each of these vital conditions with you in detail. Let’s start with Connectiveness.

Connectiveness. The satisfaction a person experiences when he/she feels part of or belongs to something larger (group, family, etc.) than themselves, and when they feel they’re important to those people with whom they “belong”.

 No man is an island. This is more than a clique. It’s the truth. We need each other.

Psychologist Abraham Maslow concluded that the need to belong is one of the five basic needs a human being has, and is only lower than psychological (food, water, shelter) and safety (security, stability, freedom from fear) needs. It’s no wonder that you can belong to almost ANY kind of group in our society, sports, school and church groups, peer, critique, and hobby groups. The list goes on and on.

Take a look at your connections. How connected do you feel? What groups do you belong to? What kind of social framework does your life rest upon? How connected to your family and friends are you?

If the answers to these questions feel a bit sparse, look into ways you can build up that connection in your life.

Connectiveness is an essential ingredient for living a healthy, balanced life and will help ensure that your self-esteem is right where it should be. In

In contrast to how a child belongs in the world, adult belonging is never as natural, innocent, or playful. Adult belonging has to be chosen, received, and renewed. It is a lifetime’s work. –John O’Donahue

Emily, a young girl with above average intelligence, learns quickly and easily understands difficult concepts older children struggle with. In spite of her intelligence, Emily comes from an unstable home. Her father drinks too much and often erupts into violent screaming rampages, telling Emily she’s stupid and lazy.

Sara, one of Emily’s classmates, works hard for her grades. Although not nearly as bright as Emily, Sara knows she is loved. Her close-knit family instills in Sara that she’s valuable and can do anything she sets her mind to.

Which girl do you think does better in school?

Multiple studies show over and over that a child with average intelligence and healthy self-esteem will out-score and out-perform a child with much higher intelligence and lower self-esteem.

Why is this? For one, a low self-esteem child is easily distracted, more anxious and fearful, and feels more pressure than children with a healthy view of themselves. They simply don’t have enough energy leftover to concentrate on learning.

As children grow, so do the pressures facing them. In the face of adolescence, with it’s own set of uncertainties, body image becomes increasingly important. Teaching a child how to feed their bodies is important, but even more important is teaching a child what to feed her mind.

Nielsen Co. conducted a survey about the television viewing habits of Americans. They concluded that the average American watches four hours of TV daily. While the typical American youth spends 900 hours a year in school, they spend 1500 hours a year in front of the television.

This translates into viewing, roughly, 20,000 commercials per year. Commercials filled with models that are thinner than 95% of the population. And this becomes part of the ‘standard’ our children look to for acceptance and worth.

Loving on our children and helping them know they are wonderful just how they are, does more for them than we can imagine. They’ll get better grades. They will have a better view of themselves and their bodies. They will have healthier relationships with others. And they’ll grow up to be healthy, well-adjusted adults that aren’t victim to the skewed views of the world around them.

You’ve probably heard the saying GARBAGE IN, GARBAGE OUT, but why not put a positive spin on it? Fill your children with good and good will eventually find it’s way back out! Good in, Good Out! GIGO!!