Instead of repeating the same mistakes your parents made, you can learn from them. Instead of wounding your kids, you can learn and grow from your experiences. This is what my mother did. She was a child wait, it goes back a generation. Mom’s grandma was abused by her grandpa. This was back in 1910.
Grandma experienced such a horrible family life where she learned, deep down, that men are bad. Then my grandma found men that lived up to her expectations, she married men who were bad. This created a horrible upbringing for my mom.
My mom broke the chain of abuse. She rose above the destructive patterns that she was taught as a youth. I’m sure my mom knew that her home was missing something. She saw her friend’s family life and wished she had a life like they did.
Mom became a pioneer. She watched and read. She paid attention to how she was feeling, what her automatic responses were, and learned how to change. Mom realizes that grandma did the best she could with the information that she had, then selectively chose what patterns she was going to keep and pass on to her children.
She married a good man, and together the two of them raised my brother and me. Both of us felt like we were truly loved, like we belonged. As I grew, I learned that my mom had us in mind as she was facing all the pain and developing new thought patterns.
Mom became the parent that she always wished she had. It was a very difficult transition for her, but I know that my mom is glad she did. She has seen the love and cheering she did for us come back to her. She is completely loved and adored by her kids and grandkids.
Did you have a similar situation? Are you or were your parents Pioneers?
February 2nd, 2010 at 9:36 pm
This is such a great reminder that we are all capable of breaking negative cycles that have been handed down through generations. Whether it’s something as horrifying as abuse or the more subtle but very damaging habits of negativity, poverty consciousness, bigotry, etc – we each have a choice to either perpetuate it or replace it with something better and more productive.
God bless you, your mom, and every other person who has the strength and courage to reject the damaging cycles of the past and to move ahead in light and love.
February 3rd, 2010 at 12:29 am
Thank you, Kathy~ It’s great that you can see it! And thank you for taking the time to share!
February 20th, 2010 at 1:27 am
I stumbled onto your blog and read a few post. I like your style of writing.
February 23rd, 2010 at 4:03 pm
Thank you Jacquetta~ I’m glad you like it! Check out this one: http://lindagraceonline.com/get-the-focus-on-you/ and get a picture next to your comments!
February 23rd, 2010 at 2:33 am
Hi there. I needed to let you know that some components of your website are onerous to read for me, as I am color blind. I am a sufferrer of protanopia, however there are other types of color blindness that may also experience problems. I can read most of the website Okay, and the elements I have issues with I am able to read by employing a adapted browser. However, it’d be nice if you would remember we color-blind types while undertaking the next web site revamp. Thanks.
February 23rd, 2010 at 4:05 pm
I dated a boy who was color blind when I was a teen, my daughter married a young man also, and I never thought of that! Would darkening the font color take care of that?
Hey, check out http://lindagraceonline.com/get-the-focus-on-you/ and gt a picture next to your comments! I would love to see who I was talking to
April 15th, 2010 at 11:30 pm
I find curious similarities …….my bride suffered with her step dad in the face of a closed mouth mother………..she did apologize after he had passed and was forgiven. I tried to submit the picture but it wouldnt go and when I resized it all was left were my sunglasses……..lol
April 16th, 2010 at 10:10 am
Rick,
You really are a writer! Your response to ‘Stop the Cycle of Abuse” is beautifully written. In these few sentances, I see that you have the gentle heart that your wife diserves.
God Bless,
Linda
September 27th, 2010 at 12:40 am
I am planning to be the one who breaks the cycle in my family. My dad yells a lot and has a really short temper. I don’t like it and I always thought to myself that I would treat my kids better when I become a father. That won’t be for quite a few more years though.
September 27th, 2010 at 4:50 am
Miguel~
Reach around and pat yourself on the back, you’re awesome!! It’s always amazing when preople grow past their upbringing!! I’m sure that when people have a short temper they either are filled with pain or lack the skills of how to accomplish the their desires. As you set the example of creating a wonderful life, and be there for him when he’s ready to share his past pain, he’ll learn!
May 3rd, 2011 at 9:20 am
What an insight! Glad i came across this blog….. Started reading over the responses, my heart breaks yet i gain more knowledge on the above mentioned subject. Thank You!
Donnabelle A. recently posted..Tampa DUI Attorney on Violating Probation with DUI Conviction
May 4th, 2011 at 3:28 pm
Donnabelle,
Thanks for visiting my blog! Breaking the cycle of abuse is close to my heart! I’ve very grateful I didn’t personally experience the severe abuse that my grandma did!
Linda
May 13th, 2011 at 1:40 am
Reading you blog reminds me of something what happened in the past. But all of these make us strong person even though some people is still hurt are feelings.
Linda what happened to your grandma is also happening to some woman know.. This may served as inspiration to them..
Great post!!
May 17th, 2011 at 6:33 am
Mary,
I hope this does inspire others, I used to work with Abused Women, it’s very sad
Linda
ps. Why don’t you get a Gravatar, a picture connected to your comments? I’ll show you how here http://lindagraceonline.com/get-the-focus-on-you/ then leave another comment and let me see!
Linda
!
May 17th, 2011 at 4:57 am
I was a battered wife..have been… My two boys are still on grade school. Thankfully being a single mom, i managed to be a father and mother to both, i vowed to myself that my two boys will never ever follow the footsteps of their dad. They will, i hope! The bad experiences they have witnessed will set a great example for them to grow up and be responsible and loving dads to their kids…
Arnette recently posted..Biologic Reverse Total Shoulder Replacement: Improving Results by Honoring Original Principles.
May 17th, 2011 at 5:54 am
Arnette,
Goodness! You have a story to tell! How did you get out of it? I’m so glad you did!
Linda
ps. Why don’t you get a Gravatar a picture connected to your comments? I’ll show you how here http://lindagraceonline.com/get-the-focus-on-you/ then leave another comment and let me see!
Linda
May 28th, 2011 at 11:10 am
Arnette,
Other readers would love to hear your story! Would you be willing to write it and let me post it here on lindagraceonline?
Linda
Linda G. Cox @multiple sclerosis recently posted..Namaste
May 26th, 2011 at 3:13 am
You need to share your story Arnette so that we can get lesson out of it.
You’re such a brave woman that you surpass this kind of problem. Be Strong always..
May 28th, 2011 at 11:08 am
Marissa,
You are so right! Arnette has a great story to tell, I’ll ask her if I can spotlight her!
Linda
ps. Why don’t you get a Gravatar, a picture connected to your comments? I’ll show you how here http://lindagraceonline.com/get-the-focus-on-you/ then leave another comment and let me see!
June 3rd, 2011 at 4:07 am
Wow this is a very inspiring post. Reading this reminds me of what my father did to my mother when we are small. My father did not treat my mother as a wife he treats her as a slave. He spank her every night when he got home drunk. This so sad I hope that my husband is not like him.
June 3rd, 2011 at 11:28 am
Janna,
That is horrible! Are you married already? I believe that we need to take control of our lives, not allow people to treat us that way.
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Take a look and tell me what you think!
Linda
ps. and remember to set limits for yourself!
September 12th, 2011 at 5:54 pm
Hello Linda!
You did great! I totally agree about learning from your experiences. As human (unless the animal) we have so many experiences that made us realize to the things that would never be happen once again. Sometimes it reminds us how to establish more better relationship to someone. It is just about life that full of happy and sad experiences that made us to learn more and more. Keep on sharing!
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September 15th, 2011 at 12:54 pm
Allison,
I love to learn from the painful experiences so that I don’t have to experience the negativity myself!
Linda
October 30th, 2011 at 3:05 pm
Thank you so much for sharing this. Your mom is not alone, there are others like her who have the same if not worse experience. I hope all will be well soon.
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November 3rd, 2011 at 7:27 pm
Hi Linda! People may become stronger depends upon the level of experiences in life, painful experience are one of those because it motivates us to go trough in life. You made a great article Linda with lots of inspiration and lessons to learn.
Thanks!
William,
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November 5th, 2011 at 7:34 am
William,
Thank you for saying so! You have a great day!
Linda
November 21st, 2011 at 2:30 pm
Thank you for this write-up. That’s all I can say. You most definitely have produced this weblog into 1 thing distinctive. You clearly know what you’re performing; you have covered a lot of bases. Thanks!