I’m a parent of eight children. They are “stuck” with me, just as I am “stuck” with them. However, it wasn’t until my second adopted child was a teenager that the term “stuck with us” became a family expression. When my teenage daughter, like many teens, didn’t like the family rules, she wanted to move in with her friend. In her mind, they were a better family and she didn’t understand why she couldn’t live there! I said, YOU’RE STUCK WITH US! I explained that just like all of her siblings, she can move out when she’s 18! Until then, we are all she’s got!
Usually our children are stuck with us during the formative years of birth till two or three. Adopted children don’t always have that benefit. Since many kids are stuck together during those formative years it’s important to understand how much influence we have as parents and the best ways to use it. How we raise our children will have a far-reaching impact farther than anything else we do in our lives. It’s not just about our interaction with our children. It’s how they interact with those around them. How they pick a spouse. How they raise their children. How their children interact with those around them. How they pick a spouse, raise their children and on and on it goes. Our positive (or negative) influence in their lives potentially lives on for generations and generations.
My mom set a great example for me when I was young. She broke the cycle of abuse in her family. It probably would have been easier for her to continue along in the patterns of abuse. Change is hard. Especially change that involves issues of self-worth. But my mom didn’t choose the easy way out. She chose a higher ground. She proved to me that change is possible.
Because of my mom’s bravery, she and my dad were able to raise my brother and me in a positive atmosphere. We knew they loved us and we never questioned that we “belonged”. Yes, we, too, were stuck with our parents and they were stuck with us. Fortunately for us, this sticky relationship developed many good characteristics in our lives and gave us a strong foundation for when we began raising children of our own.
Mirror, mirror on the wall, I’ve become my mother, after all.
Did your teenagers ever wish they had a different family? How did you handle it? Stories, I want stories! Leave them in the comments below! 
April 15th, 2010 at 3:48 pm
Linda,
Can’t imagine having EIGHT children! My TWO were enough … one rather model child and the other one, well, how about challenging?
I had always told the kids that if they stayed out past their curfew, they could expect to have a policeman at the house when they came home. My challenger decided to try it out one night. He slept in his car. Sure enough, the next morning when he came home, the cops were in our living room.
As he walked through the door there was a huge smile on his face and he said, “Mom, just wanted to test your threat out. I figured you’d call the cops …”
We’re stuck with each other alright. He’s 24 and still living at home. We’re both looking forward to changing that this year.
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April 15th, 2010 at 5:28 pm
What a crack up! How’d you get the cop to come over? My cop lives in the house – he’s their dad! Sounds like you might have a ‘failure to launch’ situation!? Well, 24 is still young! You brought a smile to my face! You’re the greatest!
April 15th, 2010 at 7:22 pm
It sounds like a great novel to me. I have 2 one away at school and the other just hopes the electric doesn’t go out in the middle of his gaming. My wife in the last hour as we were filling out FASFA stuff commented on how great the kids are. We are driving 7hrs next tues to see our daughter honored at her school. The things we do are endless and that is exactly what I signed up for. I really believe the 17 yr old will still be around when hes 24 and beyond. He has Aspergers Syndrome and although very smart he struggles in most daily accomplishments. SOOOOOOOOO I’ll feed him and love him till I cant LOL……….
April 15th, 2010 at 7:38 pm
I’m happy that there are good parents like you out there! Your child didn’t choose his Aspergers and you give him all that you can for as long as you can! It brings tears to my eyes! You’re wonderful!
April 16th, 2010 at 4:32 am
I have 2 children and that was plenty for me.I can’t imagine 8. The washing of clothes,the cooking,just being a supportive mom for 8 would be tough.
My daughter was easy, my son, well he had to be watched.He got caught 98% of the time when he would try and do naughty things. I told him God was watching out for him.
Both are adults now and that is an all new kind of parenting.I have to learn to butt out. Hard thing for me.
Great post Linda!
.-= Beverly Monical´s last blog ..Have You Heard Of The 3 Day Breast Cancer Walk? =-.
April 16th, 2010 at 10:06 am
It is a new thing, butting out! As mothers, we’re so used to butting in and now it’s their turn! We learned so much that we want to tell them what NOT to do! If they would just listen to us~
April 16th, 2010 at 3:11 pm
HI Linda
Well i don’t have teenagers yet but I’m not far off. It is a privilege to be able to raise our kids with love and support and your mother was so brave and smart to be able to break the cycle. It takes a special person to do this and i believe we can all be that special. With courage, support and love we can achieve anything and i hope that’s how our kids feel when they leave home to go into the big wide world. Awesome post Linda
Cheers,
Matt
April 16th, 2010 at 10:16 pm
Thank you Matt, it’s so wonderful to see the kind of parent you want to be!
April 16th, 2010 at 4:30 pm
Hi Linda,
I don’t personally have any children but I did go through similar situations with my parents. I never really wished I had different parents, I was just jealous of things other kids got to do. I look back now and am so grateful for the upbringing I had. I really feel so lucky. I think your kids will do the same when they are older. They will appreciate why you have rules and that you care so much.
.-= Sally Bath´s last blog ..Procrastination – How To Overcome It For Good =-.
April 16th, 2010 at 10:11 pm
I thank you for saying so! As parents we can only hope! I always tell my kids they’ll have to grow up and forgive me for not being perfect, just like I had to forgive my parents!
April 16th, 2010 at 6:24 pm
Linda, your mother WAS a brave woman, but I’d say that you are too…EIGHT children? Actually, I’m jealous! I’d love to have more children, but I’m VERY grateful for the one that God gave to me! She’s not a teenager yet…almost. She’ll be 13 this October. But is most certainly STUCK with me! In fact, I asked her the other night to never move out! LOL!
April 16th, 2010 at 10:09 pm
Thanks for sharing! I have lots of friends who have one child, some by choice, some by chance (or Devine providence), and from the stories they share, it is more difficult! With more than one the kids entertain each other!
April 16th, 2010 at 7:51 pm
Hey Linda,
Great post. I do not have any teenage kids yet but I do remember being one myself and totally thinking that my friends family were better than mine. Now that I look back I missed out on so much time where I could have grown closer to my family. Thanks again.
Make it a great day!
God Bless,
-ed
April 16th, 2010 at 10:02 pm
It’s fun to hear experiences from an adult who remembers such experiences! I wonder if she’ll ever get to the point you’re at
April 16th, 2010 at 9:25 pm
Hi Linda, you’re a brave woman. I agree with the previous comments, 2 children was enough for me
I also had one which was easy & one which was quite a challenge at times. They’ve both grown into fine young adults with children of their own. I have to say I still see the spirit in my son’s charactor & probably always will. This is a good thing, because as Wayne Dyer say’s, ‘The most responsible thing we can do as adults, is to become more of a child’. I love that quote 
I relate also to the ‘butting out’, sometimes I feel that’s it’s neglegent to not offer awareness when it’s obvious that it is lacking, but I guess we need to aquire the wisdom of when to and when not to.
Great post Linda, Cheers Toni.
.-= Toni King´s last blog ..Live Nuts =-.
April 16th, 2010 at 10:00 pm
It’s so interesting that so many parents with 2 children have one easy one~
I agree that it would be neglegent not to offer our knowledge – the difficult thing is letting them choose whether to take it or not
April 16th, 2010 at 11:17 pm
One of my daughters used to tell me how “cool” her friends’ mother was. She dressed young, she chatted with them about their boyfriends etc. After a few months she came home fed up and ranting about “Why can’t she act like a mother. She’s NOT our friend!!”
April 17th, 2010 at 6:22 pm
I love it! It’s wonderful that your daughter learned and was able to share it with you! You must be doing something right! Hey, Lynn, why don’t you get a picture to attach to your comment so we all can see who you are! I’ll take you through the process it’s free, just go here: http://lindagraceonline.com/get-the-focus-on-you/
April 17th, 2010 at 3:51 am
The photo of your children is a treasure. My daughter is living in Scotland and for the first time in years we are getting on really well and I am finally begining to appreciate her for the wonderful person she is and am glad that I am stuck with her.
April 17th, 2010 at 6:17 pm
What led to you appreciating her? I’m curious! I’m happy for you and her that you feel the way you do!
April 19th, 2010 at 7:55 am
What an awesome post Linda!
I love the title.
I think we have all gone through this as both children and as parents. There comes a time when our kids think they have the option of moving out if they aren’t happy with the rules. I enjoyed your positive outlook in addressing this topic.
Thanks for making me smile,
Val
.-= Val Wilcox´s last blog ..How Many Rocks Are in Your Backpack? =-.
April 27th, 2010 at 8:03 pm
I used to feel embarrassed that my father had an accent because none of my friend’s parents did. My father was born and raised in the old city of Jerusalem – wasn’t Israel at that time yet). Now I would love to spend hours listening to his stories about his upbringing. I lost out on some special knowing although I did hear a few of his stories.
April 28th, 2010 at 1:42 pm
Thank you for sharing~ I think we all have regrets from our youth. I know now you spend hours listening where you can!
April 13th, 2011 at 6:51 pm
It’s tough being parents today. When we were younger we vowed never to become our parents and treat our children the way we were treated. But guess what? As we ourselves become parents we finally understand why our parents did what they did, and without realizing it, we’ve turned into our parents.
April 15th, 2011 at 6:45 am
Tom~
I’m so grateful that I have wonderful parents! I love the expression: Mirror, Mirror on the wall, I’ve become my mother after all! I’m happy to be just like my mom! I hope your parents are wonderful too!
Linda
Why don’t you get a gravatar? I’ll show you how here http://lindagraceonline.com/get-the-focus-on-you/ then leave another comment and let me see!
Linda
April 19th, 2011 at 6:53 pm
Actually, I’ll give you a more personal story. I WAS one of those teenagers who always felt that I did not belong to this family! I did everything I could to rebel. I really put my parents and siblings through a lot of pain. As I got older, what I did in those early years weighed deeply on my mind. I wanted to know why I did the things I did.
I tired to pinpoint the time where I, “Went Bad”. I knew I was a good kid, I loved my parents and siblings. The point that changed me was when I was in Junior High School. I fell in love…yep the old love story. The relationship went bad and I went downhill. It was at this time that I rebelled. From my 7th grade year to my Junior year in High School. I was not very much fun to be around.
After all these years, I have pinpointed it to that moment in time. Why it took so long to recover from that first love, I’ll never know. I am happily married for 31 years now but, I still think about that time and person. Why did it effect me so much? I still have not found that answer.
Emily Schrade
Webmaster, Thermaltake Armor
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April 20th, 2011 at 11:49 am
Emily~
Thank you for visiting my blog, lindagraceonline.com! I noticed you don’t have a gravatar! Connecting an image to your comment (actually to your email address) is very important! It’s simple and free! Check out this post and I’ll walk you through it! http://lindagraceonline.com/get-the-focus-on-you/
To our success,
Linda
ps. I look forward to getting to know you and networking with you!!
June 5th, 2011 at 4:21 pm
I have a daughter who graduated from high school last year. We’re not stuck with her, she is stuck with us! She is our youngest and can’t seem to make up her mind what she wants to do.
She wanted to go to college but after she found out about the student loan amounts her other sibling owed, she backed out. She’s trying to find a job but, in this economy it’s been pretty tough. Talk about stuck
Ericka
Webmaster @ Best Juice Extractor
June 5th, 2011 at 9:52 pm
Ericka~
Thank you for visiting my blog! I’m glad you can relate with the stuck stuff! I recently found a free tip that I want to share with everyone! It’s free video email! It’s http://iWowWe.com/LindaGraceCox ~ check it out!
Linda
October 18th, 2011 at 10:08 am
I remember threatening my parents that I’d leave and go live with friends but after a few minutes of rational thought I realized how dumb the idea was every time.
October 19th, 2011 at 7:55 pm
Kyle,
How old were you? I’d love to hear the details!
Linda
November 12th, 2011 at 2:20 pm
The “sticky” relationship within a family that you write about is so true. And what teenager hasn’t at least once imagined being part of another family? It’s part of learning their own identity and where they belong in the world.
My child is still too young, but I do remember being a teenager and wondering what it would be like to be in a different family. The grass is always greener, as they say. As I got older, though, I began to really appreciate everything about my own family (I am lucky to have such great parents), but that doesn’t mean you can’t question how certain things are done within the family.
Having your own kids really makes you evaluate and re-evaluate alot of what you thought was true about your own family (both good and bad).
It’s definitely an interesting process.
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December 21st, 2011 at 7:41 pm
Hello Linda,
Raising kids isn’t a very easy task at all. In fact, it is the very hard yet very rewarding for parents. It’s not easy raising eight kids. I am not a father myself since I don’t have kids of my own yet but I have witnessed my sister raised her four kids. She was really having a hard time so how much more are you. Now that I’m already married, we really planned on how many kids we’re going to have.
Thanks