Powerlessness. Can you point to a time you felt that way? Most everyone has at least one incident they can recall. Others don’t know what life feels like outside of feelings of powerlessness. It’s a way of life. Some of us learn powerlessness as a young child because we lived in abusive situations that had no escape. Some learn it as adults, when faced with situations that are beyond our control such as trying to get ahead of the bills, or working for a power-hungry boss that is impossible to please.
Some powerlessness comes from external factors that are beyond our control (the holocaust is an extreme example of this) people stripped of dignity and all rights and treated in ways inconceivable to the human mind.
Some powerlessness, however, is learned behavior. For example, a child who grew up in an abusive family, might grow up, leave home, get married and successfully run their own business, yet still feel powerless. This learned thinking (i.e. everyone but ME is in control of me), although no longer true, feels very true to the person living it.
Breaking out of this cycle isn’t easy, but it’s possible. And it begins by learning that you count. You have the right to be in charge of your own life. You have the power to make decisions that are best for you. You have the right to ask for what you need, and to express how you feel.
You do matter. And you can make a difference in your life. It’s possible to take the reins back and steer your life in the direction you want it to go.
When a person, who once felt like the world ran them, begins to experience the feelings of power, whole new horizons open up before them. They realize they don’t have to be a victim anymore! What they think and feel does matter. They have the opportunity to change course and change their minds. They aren’t just a tiny boat being thrashed to and fro on a big scary ocean, no! They’re the captain of a big luxury cruise liner and have their destination in sights and are steering the boat exactly where they want to go.
We might not be able to control every aspect of our lives, and I’m not suggesting that we try. But, we can influence the circumstances in our lives, plot our course and make decisions that are best for us. We don’t have to give our power to someone else. It’s ours! So don’t feel guilty for taking some power back and learning how to steer your life in the direction of your dreams.
“How you perceive yourself determines what you think you are able to do and that determines in turn what you will try. So the self-concept has a tremendous effect upon the intelligence of the individual.”
–Arthur W. Combs
August 11th, 2010 at 11:10 am
Linda, I read this and just thank GOD for my Mother. From the earliest days she insisted that her children take responsibility for their lives and to never push the blame over to something else. The world can crush you if you if you let it. You are the best example to me of an “Over Comer” I hope and pray that those who have this problem will read this post and then learn to take control of their circumstances. Thanks for posting.
Nelson recently posted..Promptings
August 11th, 2010 at 2:02 pm
Thank you Nelson~
You are a wonderful man, I love your stories and I can’t wait to read your latest post!
~Linda
August 12th, 2010 at 12:41 am
Linda it has been a very long journey for me with personal development to get to where I am today. I grew up with loving parents but they have always been of victim mentality. Too many people do not see they have choices.
This is a very important message.
Sue
Sue Price @Residual Income recently posted..Detour or to Retreat
August 12th, 2010 at 7:24 am
Thank you for sharing Sue~ It’s fun to see how you’ve overcome the victim mentality! Your life breathes strength and power! I love following your blog!
August 12th, 2010 at 5:25 am
Hi Linda,
One of the first things I thought of reading your post is that there are some situations as you mentioned that you really powerless over. The big trigger here to begin any type of change is to accept the fact that you are in fact powerless of it. Once you accept this and move out of the victim role you can begin to look at things differently. You see things that can lead to change and the actions that have to be done. You can begin to take the steps to regain your power as you take ownership of it.
Don Enck recently posted..Help me out…I just don’t get it…
August 12th, 2010 at 7:20 am
Don, thank you! Ownership is a very important step in gaining power! It’s all about paying attention to where we are an how we got there – become a professional observer of ourselves!
August 12th, 2010 at 7:19 pm
We really do chart our own way. Rather than focus on what we can’t control, we should focus on what we can…our attitude, our effort, our desire and discipline to achieve our goals. Thanks for sharing this Linda. Well presented!
Eddie Espiritu recently posted..Start Up Capital – 11 Ideas to Join or Grow a Business
August 12th, 2010 at 8:32 pm
Eddie~
Thank you for visiting my blog~ You are so right! We can always control our attitude!
~Linda
August 13th, 2010 at 8:11 pm
LInda,
Great post. To me, the distinction is between powerlessness and helplessness. In graduate school, we learned about the psychological principle of “learned helpless” which can be treated and “unlearned.” While much of life is truly out of our control, this doesn’t make us “helpless” which is more a state of mind. To me, it’s like the distinction between being “poor” and being “broke” if that makes sense.
Thanks for the reminder of the difference,
Adam
Dr. Adam Sheck recently posted..Relationship Recipe
August 15th, 2010 at 8:33 am
Yes Adam it makes perfect sense! It is wonderful to know that we can change our minds!
August 13th, 2010 at 8:56 pm
Hello Linda,
Enjoyed Your post and yes we all have moments in our lives of feeling powerless over different events and just plain ole life happening.
Some things we can master in life the best we can and other things and events “just happen” weather we like it sometimes or not. I guess its called life and learning to except we cannot control it all but just do our best at what we can.
And if I could leave you with this little saying…Don’t believe Everything You Think!
Wishing you all my best
Larry Bilich recently posted..Buying Network Marketing Leads My True Story!
August 14th, 2010 at 4:23 pm
Larry~
That’s one I’ve never heard, ‘Don’t believe everything you think’ – I love it! Sometimes itt takes a bunch of intrsopection to figure out why we think what we think and lots of work getting past the pain and into reprogramming our subconsious. Sounds like we are on the same page!
~Linda
August 17th, 2010 at 6:03 am
we all at some point i think experience the horrible feeling of powerlessness. The worst time is when an event or situation is out of our control, and we feel useless and no good. I agree that in most cases we don’t have to be a victim, and that we can be our own boss!
August 17th, 2010 at 4:18 pm
Marie~
I think you’re right! When we add the feelings of being no good, it’s adding insult to injury! And I agree, we need to be our own boss!
August 17th, 2010 at 8:58 pm
Hi Linda….thank you for sharing such powerful thoughts! A quote that comes to mind goes something like this: ” We can’t control what happens to us in life, but we can control how we react to those life events”. I agree with Don’s comment that, once we accept that there are some things we have no control over, we can change our mindset away from being the victim.
August 17th, 2010 at 10:09 pm
Yes Louise~ that’s one of my favorite quotes! I raised my kids with it! Sometimes that’s really the only thing we have control over!
August 18th, 2010 at 10:40 pm
Hi Linda,
thank you so much for your article.
One thing I had to acknowlegde first, on my way towards feeling more powerful, was anger and revengeful feelings and work through them to let them go.
I like the idea of “being a captain of a luxury cruise liner”, tuning into the unlimited potential.
Have a great week.
Yorinda
Yorinda recently posted..Fun- Happiness and Success
August 19th, 2010 at 6:23 am
Hey Yorinda~
I understand how anger and revengeful feelings get in the way of happiness! I look forward to reading your most recent post about fun and happiness!
~Linda
August 27th, 2010 at 10:43 am
Very uplifting post! I think everyone feels powerless at some point in their life. My friend was in a verbally abusive relationship for years, and she had a really hard time making any decisions on her own. Even after the relationship had ended, she felt like she didn’t have much control over her own life. She had based so much of her identity on her ex-boyfriend that she didn’t know who she was anymore. Eventually though, as she began to gain more and more independence, she started to realize that she was the one in control. I’m happy that she did, because now I have my friend back!
September 1st, 2010 at 6:21 am
Sofia~ Thanks for visiting my blog! I agree, everyone feels powerless at some point, unfortunately there are times like your friend when people allow themselves to be surrounded by those people who would like to keep it that way! When I was in high school I dated a guy like your friend did! I gave him an entire year of my life and like your friend, I gave up my best friends. I ‘m sure Nancy was glad to have me back too!
~Linda
September 18th, 2010 at 9:36 pm
I agree with Nelson you shouldn’t blame others for your own faults. If you admit to your own mistakes it will be one step closer to overcoming them and therefore overcoming feeling you are powerless. I have felt powerless many times before but after watching 500 days of summer I have changed.
September 19th, 2010 at 3:41 am
Thank you Miguel! I appreciate your comments! By 9/23 I’ll have my post up to teach you about commentluv! You’re great at leaving comments and you have a blog – you’ve got to get your comments attracting attention to your blog!
Linda
November 25th, 2010 at 12:07 am
We are the one that is responsible of what is happening in our life. There are circumstances that measure our ability on how we handle every situation. Be strong about it and learn new things. It molds to be a better person.
Samantha@Criminal Attorney Clearwater recently posted..Florida DUI News – Tampa Man Pleads Guilty To DUI Manslaughter Charges Now Awaiting DUI Sentence
November 25th, 2010 at 6:14 am
Samantha~
Thank you for commenting on my blog! I couldn’t agree with you more! Hey, I’d love to see your picture connected to your comments! I created a post showing to show you how! Check it out here: http://lindagraceonline.com/get-the-focus-on-you/ In case you don’t see this, I’ll send you an email with this information!
Linda
January 27th, 2011 at 3:45 am
Hello Linda,
I enjoyed your insight on self esteem and look forward to a return visit to learn more from you.
Our self image and self esteem are effected in several ways. We are all effected by five factors: (1) Our environment, (2) The events in our lives, (3) Our knowledge, (4) The results and (5) The one I feel the most important is our view of the future. Our dreams must be a part of our daily lives. Our low self esteem can manifest itself in several ways. Sometimes through feelings of jealousy, loneliness or lack of confidence. It can come about due to experiencing lifestyle changes, separation, job loss or struggling to maintain a desired weight.
Research shows that four in every five people report they have suffered or currently suffer from low or diminished self esteem. Often this is event related as I mentioned above. For instance, self esteem can diminish when we are faced with a situation where emotions are heightened. It is said, that by the time we reach the age of three, fifty percent of what we believe about ourselves has been formed, by six it is sixty percent and by nine it is around eighty percent. By the time we reach the age of twelve, up to ninety percent of us have a well developed sense of who we are and what we believe ourselves to be.
Go out and make today your best day ever!
Lloyd Dobson
Lloyd Dobson recently posted..Become a Real Leader This Is What a Real Leader Stands For
January 27th, 2011 at 6:39 am
Lloyd,
Thank you for your addition to my post! I couldn’t agree with you more! I think the research that you stated speaks the truth! It is amazing how we can help our children feel better about themselves. In reality, it’s up to each of us to learn to feel good about ourselves, but given a boost, they will come to the conclusions faster; that everyone is a valuable person!
Linda
April 13th, 2011 at 12:03 pm
Try to develop an interior locus of control. Others do not have a complete effect on the way your life is going, it is you who decides.
April 15th, 2011 at 6:46 am
Kim~
You are so right! We really do have the power!
Linda
Why don’t you get a gravatar? I’ll show you how here http://lindagraceonline.com/get-the-focus-on-you/ then leave another comment and let me see!
Linda
July 24th, 2011 at 8:49 pm
it was a good read though. i sometime feel powerless at my own home when stupid relatives try to dominate me at my own home, i feel very depressed and powerless
July 26th, 2011 at 12:03 pm
Rick,
It’s unfortunate that many people feel the same! It’s tragic that the place in our lives where we should feel the most powerful is sometimes where we feel the least! It’s times like these that we have to take control and move on to bigger and better things! We all need to know that we can!
Linda
ps. Why don’t you get a Gravatar, a picture connected to your comments?! I created a post to show you how to get this simple and free account! Check this out here: http://lindagraceonline.com/get-the-focus-on-you/ then come back and leave a comment so I can see!
September 23rd, 2011 at 3:46 am
Hi Linda Grace,
This is my first visit to your site. I am really touched by the fact that you take the time to reply to all these comments! That’s all I really wanted to say, except, I LOVE @Larry Bilich’s phrase, “Don’t believe Everything You Think!”
I must get a Gravatar image too!
Mark recently posted..Rushfit: Your Questions Answered
September 23rd, 2011 at 11:03 am
Mark~
Thank you for commenting about my commenting! And yes, you’ve got to get a Gravatar then come back and let me see!
Linda
November 7th, 2011 at 11:03 am
Hey Linda, I was just wondering whether we can subscribe to your blog and get an email every time you make a new post – is that possible?
November 7th, 2011 at 11:43 am
Paul,
Yes, that is the plan! When you subscribe you’ll receive notification of my posts!
Linda
December 17th, 2011 at 2:53 am
This post is written very well as the writer has provided valuable and useful information and facts about the topic. I will look forward to the posts written by you in future!