How Our Self-Esteem Affects Our Children

Sat, May 1, 2010

Personal Development

“One filled with joy preaches without preaching.”
–Mother Theresa

Mother Theresa’s adage could go on to say, “One filled with guilt preaches without preaching, one filled with low self-worth preaches without preaching, fill in the blank…it works for just about anything you struggle with. How we present ourselves to the world is important. And it starts with what we think about ourselves.

We’ve been talking for awhile about the essential characteristics necessary for someone to maintain a high self-esteem, connection to others, the ability to see and appreciate their own uniqueness, a sense of having power over their lives and life decisions, and the presence of positive role models.

Now let’s look at our role in maintaining a positive self-esteem for our children’s sake. What does me having a good self-esteem have to do with my children? Well, pretty much everything, let me explain.

Studies have shown that homes that have certain characteristics in operation in the home generally produce children that have high self-esteem. Do you want to know the number one characteristic? Yep. It’s high parental self-esteem.

What? You mean we can’t just love and encourage our kids and give them permission to be unique? All of that is important, yes, but your children are still going to absorb everything you say and do, as well as those things you don’t say and do. They’re dry sponges eagerly soaking up your example.

Do you feel good about yourself? If you do, it helps your children feel good about themselves in return. Do you embrace your own uniqueness? Ditto for your children. There is no easy way to get around it: Healthy Self-Esteem grows Healthy Self-Esteem. It’s gotta start with us.

The good news is this: The more we actively work to boost our children’s self-esteem, the more it helps boost our own. Whew. Now that feels a bit better, doesn’t it? We don’t have to have all the right answers. We just need to be striving in the right direction.

So, on those days when you feel like scum and want to verbally beat yourself silly, think of your kids. Build them up. Tell them what a great person they are. It’s infectious. Pretty soon you’ll feel better about yourself too, as you watch your child beaming with pride.

After all, one filled with joy preaches without preaching. even when it’s your child’s joy preaching to you.

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23 Responses to “How Our Self-Esteem Affects Our Children”

  1. Bruce Backman Says:

    The energy we give off definitely affects those around us…most especially our children. They feel those things that we feel about ourselves…whether ever said or not. These things are energetically in our atmosphere and there is no way to get around that. The best solution is to figure yourself out so that you can have a positive impact on the world around you…

    Thanks for the insightful post!


  2. Paul Klaszus Says:

    I’ve noticed this tremendously in the past. Children are remarkable with the characteristics and principles they learn from parents.

    Of course, this is why I pray constantly that I be who my children need me to be so they can go and be the people they need to be.

    Thanks Linda!
    .-= Paul Klaszus´s last blog ..Wisdom from a loser =-.


  3. Toni King Says:

    Hi Linda, that is a beautiful post. It’s absolutely true, our children ‘take on’ so much of our energy. So often we can be so pre-occupied with our daily challenges that we don’t realise what kind of vibration we are putting out. Our children definitely absorb this vibration and are affected by it accordingly. Your suggested remedy is also beautiful, what better way to improve the whole situation than by focusing positive energy towards your children :) Thanks for sharing. Stay well, Toni
    .-= Toni King´s last blog ..Profit Online, Being You. =-.


  4. Darlene Davis Says:

    As Jacqueline Kennedy once said, “If you mess up raising your children, nothing else you do in life will matter.” We’re entrusted with these beautiful souls to mold and shape them to the very best of our ability. I see so many characteristics in my kids that far exceed my strengths … including self esteem. This is one awesome journey!


  5. Sue Price Says:

    Linda that is a great post and so true. My children are now grown up and fortunately have good esteem. There are now grandchildren and I am so much more aware now of how easily they are affected by our energy. I think we pick up energy so easily. You can walk into a room and know when someone is upset without them saying a word. Children feel that too.

    .-= Sue Price´s last blog ..Is Life Happening to You? =-.


  6. Nancy Burke Barr Says:

    Hi Linda Grace!

    What a wonderful post! My children are the most important part of my life. (God first!) I asked this question over and over again when they were small. How do I give them self-esteem if I don’t have any?

    Fortunately, I intuitively gave them what you suggest above. I think that they are fabulous people, so I hope that they now think so too!

    This post is very uplifting and a testimony to the power of love.

    Mentor Mama


  7. Edward Says:

    Thanks Linda,

    This is a great piece of insight that so many people need to hear.
    I totally believe that what you give away you always get to keep and you can not give away anything that you don’t already have. We all have high self-esteem but sometimes it just gets lost in the challenges and circumstances of our life. Thanks again.
    Make it a great day!
    God Bless,


  8. Chester Delameter Says:

    Thanks Linda. I heard something or read it somewhere “preach to the world and if you have to use words”. I try my best not to use too many words! :-)


    • Lillian YoungPayment Says:

      Another great insights here Linda, self esteem as a parent really affects to your children because as they grow they watch us on how we grow also as a person. It is a great happiness when you see your kids grows according to what you want them to be. :)


  9. Matt Jones Says:

    Spot on Linda
    Personal growth goes hand in hand with pretty much everything. The best place to start is with yourself and what better reason to do it that for your kids. Love yourself every day.


  10. Jessica Johnson Says:

    My father always told me that there is no better investment you can make than investing in your own growth, be it spiritual, academic, job related, or personal growth. My own children are now at the age where I am passing that very important concept down to them. Thank you for reminding me of that great reminder from my memories of Dad.
    Jessica Johnson recently posted..Imagine Intelligent Advertising at Your FingertipsMy Profile


  11. Glennda@Phoenix SEO Company Says:

    Hi Linda, we are already a parents and our responsibilities to our kids is very heavy that we need to apply it. Supporting them to what they wanted to do is a big factor for building their confidence.
    Glennda@Phoenix SEO Company recently for housesMy Profile


    • Linda Grace Says:

      You are so right! Yet it’s a balancing act. We need to emotionally support them with out financially paying for everything. If we pay for everything, they are more dependent on us and don’t feel the success and self esteem from getting the job done themselves! Sometimes lovingly allowing them to fail is the best support we can give them!
      Linda Grace recently posted..For Goodness Sake Get a Gravatar!My Profile


  12. Sam Milby Says:

    It truly shows that the parents are the first teacher of their children. The feeling of belongingness in the way their parents talk to them, act towards them and usually imitate on what they see from them.
    Sam Milby recently posted..Exames de RotinaMy Profile


  13. treatment for anxiety in children Says:

    Developing self esteem in children is absolutely critical to the growth cycle of a child. From a very young age until they grow in to successful adults it is important that we as parents understand this need and deal with our children accordingly and prevent low self esteem. Recognizing how we hamper our children’s growing self esteem is one thing but developing a plan to strengthen child self esteem is quite another.


  14. niloza sohan Says:

    Thanks Linda,
    its very useful post to know self esteem affects our children. they are our love so we should take care them.


  15. Richard Says:

    I know that this is an old post but I find this topic interesting so I thought I would comment. I hope this is okay.
    In my estimation a secure environment is the best one to bring children into. A secure environment is one which the child feels that everything is okay, one that they know that there are firm boundaries that are not just child boundaries but adults/parents adhere to them too. A secure house hold is one that knows very well what the important values are and hold them out always as the things that we should all aspire to, but not judge if we don’t all live up to them.
    The only thing I don’t understand in this is that security comes from very early childhood. If you grow up in an insecure home, you will be very lucky not to come out of it an insecure person. If a human is ‘made’ by the time they are six years old (which I have heard they are) what is the process of changing this, how does the cycle get broken between generation to generation. How does an insecure adult train a child to be secure? Just a thought


  16. Andrei@Beverly Hills lasik eye surgery Says:

    Hi Linda, its very true. We also need to show the children that we are full of confidence, if they see us that we are hopeless or we don’t have courage then it will also affect their self-esteem. Nice article.
    Andrei@Beverly Hills lasik eye surgery recently posted..Fear of Lasik?My Profile


  17. the family international Says:

    Every parents are responsible for this we should help our Children cause we are only their foundation.

    find out more: TFI family



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