US statistics on domestic violence are terrifying. A woman is battered every 15 seconds. One in four women will be physically assaulted by her partner. One in three teens will be abused by her boyfriend. While both men and women have been known to carry out acts of violence, 95 percent of hospitalized victims of domestic violence are women.
Occurrences of male abuse against women are exponentially higher and more dangerous than the reverse. Domestic violence isn’t a trend — it’s an epidemic. And, according to Kristen Howell, director of development for Genesis Women’s Shelter in Dallas, Texas, it is pervasive, intergenerational and often deadly. She offers advice on how to recognize traits of an abusive relationship and, more importantly, how to get out of one in a safe manner.
“Many people mistakenly believe that domestic violence begins with a physical assault,” she says. “Verbal and emotional abuse often act as part of a rooming process that is aimed at one partner having power and control over the other person.”She also warns that an abusive partner can have hold over his counterpart through rage, hostility, isolation, obsession and intimidation. “He also will hurt things that are important to her — pets, children, special belongings. It’s all to gain control.”
Howell offers the following advice on how to get out of an abusive relationship:
Tell someone
The first thing a woman should do when she realizes she is in a violent relationship is to tell people who can help. Professionals can devise safety plans, assist with documentation for police reports, divorce and custody battles, and more.
Do what works
Some women decide in one day that living with abuse is no longer an option, and they will leave and never look back. Other women prepare methodically — gathering important documents, getting finances in order, developing a safety plan with a lawyer. Either way is fine, and the most important thing is leaving safely.
Keep Away
Leaving is one step in getting away. Keeping him away is the next hardest step. Abusive partners will go to great lengths to win the relationship back, so it is important to cut ties as much as possible.
Ask for help
Starting over is expensive, daunting, lonely and scary. But women can get through that part with support and resources. Expert counseling makes a big difference in navigating the confusion and keeping on track.
Diane G. Sagan, author of Shelter from the Storm and a survivor of a 10-year abusive relationship, found relief for herself and her children at a local shelter. “After being in denial for a long time, I began making a secret plan to save money. I thought I could hold things together for six months, but I didn’t even come close.”
Sagan has made a career out of her past experiences, using her life’s events to create a fictionalized story of a woman who successfully removes herself from an abusive relationship. She also serves as an inspirational speaker and mentor for women who are going through similar tough times. She urges women not to take matters into their own hands but to use the legal system instead as leverage to start over.
“Do not go back, no matter what he promises you,” she emphasizes.
May 24th, 2011 at 7:10 am
Sadly, most women who leave an abusive partner will return half-a-dozen times before leaving for good. And many women think “why should I be the one to leave?” and stay in an abusive situation for that reason.
It takes a lot of strength to make that final break.
Karen@Win Back Love recently posted..Time of Roses
May 24th, 2011 at 10:58 pm
Karen,
It’s sad, isn’t it. I know their is pain that motivates a person to stay in an abusive relationship. My husband is a trooper and he has seen an increase in women who are the abusers. I have to disagree with him about the severity of female abuse – men are usually stronger and can do more damage. Either way abuse is abuse and we need to get out of it!
Linda
June 19th, 2011 at 3:08 pm
Linda,
These are some great tips. I underwent a long series of verbal abuse and a little of physical abuse with my ex. It was horrible and because of it, it took me a long time to move on with my life. My sister recently went through physical abuse in her marriage. It’s terrible.
Lynda recently posted..Studio 6 Coupon Codes
June 19th, 2011 at 10:39 pm
Lynda,
I’m sorry you experienced such nonsense from the guy that should have been your best support! Do you have any children or nieces? I look at my experience in high school where I was treated by a boyfriend in a way that was the beginning of abuse. My experience has led me to help my daughters and the girls in my church youth group know what to look for. We can’t change anyone but ourselves. You’re a good example of getting out!!! Have you processed and let go of the pain that led you to those horrible days? If you leave your name and email address in the boxes on home page I’ll send you and ebook that I created to help all of us let go of the junk and create a wonderful life!
Linda
ps. I got my bachelors in Social Work and planned on getting my masters in counseling when my kids were in highschool. MS got in the way but I have tender spot in my heart for women that have had your experiences.
August 26th, 2011 at 12:33 am
A campaign created to stop violence against woman has been implemented years ago, but it seems that it is not effective since it is still happening. As of now, more and more women are abused resulting to both physical and mental problems. I hate to think of it, but it is true. I just wish there will be a time that this will end. Have faith everyone!
Mark Errol recently posted..Duvet Covers
August 28th, 2011 at 7:20 pm
Mark,
I worked at the abused women’s shelter in Anchorage for a few years before I went home to raise my children. Now 25 years later, I can see that the family is going down hill. Our entire culture in the US is being determined predominately by the media industry in my opinion! Yes, we must have faith!
Linda
December 2nd, 2011 at 2:10 am
It is not my first time to go to see this website, i am browsing this website dailly and take good data from here every day.
December 16th, 2011 at 2:17 am
The best thing to do when you are in a relationship with a violent partner is to end the relationship once you’ve been physically abused. It is no longer good for you to continue the relationship knowing that you will be abused again.
Andy Lim recently posted..חנוכה
December 21st, 2011 at 12:31 pm
Andy,
You are so right, unfortunately some times it’s not so easy to get out of a bad relationship!
Linda
February 9th, 2012 at 6:24 pm
I agree with Andy, because when you stop that kind of relationship you can easy do you enjoyment to your life..
Alice Santos recently posted..ערבות הדדית
February 13th, 2012 at 9:53 pm
Domestic violence is common across all cultures and nations with out exception. There should be stronger laws and stronger will in the women never to compromise on their self respect and do not take the battering lying down down.
February 15th, 2012 at 5:26 pm
John,
It is such a pity. You’re right, stronger laws and stronger people! We only have control of ourselves so we need to be the example!
Linda