A childhood friend, Mysti Palmer found me on Facebook the other day and we had a wonderful reunion online! She told me of her friend that was recently diagnosed with Progressive Multiple Sclerosis.
Talking to Tom made me remember where I was back in Jun 2005. It was then that I realized I had to define my new reality. I want to share what I’ve learned.
I have learned many things on my journey. A very important piece of advice came from my physical therapist at the beginning of my MS journey. She told me to keep the knowledge of MS in the back of my mind, always taking care of myself, but not putting it in the front of my mind where all the focus is.
I’m not saying to stuff it down inside with all the other junk that we’ve emotionally stuffed inside over the years.
You probably all know the grieving process. Elizabeth Kubler-Ross is famous for her understanding of grief. She identified 5 stages:
1) Denial
2) Anger
3) Bargaining
4) Depression
5) Acceptance
During my MS Journey, living through the 5 stages of grief, I learned many things. One of the first things I learned is that every person is extremely valuable.
No matter what our circumstances are, we possess unlimited potential.
I began to understand that we must learn to be honest with ourselves and feel the emotional pain.
I started to comprehend that we can reprogram our minds and truly love ourselves. I began to internalize that we all deserve prosperity.
I was actively learning these lessons and when I admitted to myself that this MS experience was really a bag of gold and my gold was “enlightenment”, I didn’t understand why I wasn’t healed.
I was realizing in today’s society, death is viewed as a failure of the medical profession, or with this new understanding of the Law of Attraction, a failure in ourselves.
Dying can be our finest hour, or our most terrible. Regardless, it is our own personal experience and our ultimate challenge. How we deal with this experience is entirely in our hands… not in the hands of the doctors, our family or our friends. This is our experience and we must take control.
Barbara Karnes said about dying “We need to try to heal ourselves in whichever way we feel inwardly directed. For some it will be conventional treatment, for others it will be alternative methods, and for still others it will be an innate sense of knowing that no treatment is the best treatment. Whatever your choice, know that disease is one of the ways our spirit chooses to leave our body. At some point it’s all right to say, “I quit!” You’ll know when that time comes by how tired you are of living. Sometimes it’s just too hard to keep on living.”
Recognizing Elizabeth’s book about grieving was written for terminally ill patients, acceptance of death was the end result.
I had accepted my life as I was experiencing it. The life-expectancy is not severely diminished with Multiple Sclerosis, it is often the quality of life that is affected. And I had done as Elizabeth encourages us to do, accept death.
Five years ago, I wrote in my journal, “OK, Here it is in a nut shell – I’ve gone thru the five steps in the grief process but I was totally stuck in the emotion of it all. I didn’t know there was a “next step.” My friend, Susie Morgan, helped me see. Susie said “It’s time to define ‘your new reality’ – then invest in it.”
You know, I needed to figure out what I can do, what I want to do, and do it!”
Then I understood my physical therapist’s advice. I must put the disease in the back of my mind, not in the front. When Susie suggested that I define my new reality – I understood. I took Elizabeth’s advice and mourned the loss of life as I had expected, then began to identify my new reality.
I then experienced a miracle. I feel I was given a second chance.
With this second chance, just as Susie helped me to see, I began to define my new reality – then invest in it.” You know, I needed to figure out what I can do, what I want to do, and do it!”
That’s what led me here, online.
I’ve found an entire community of people who love to work from home either due to illness or by choice. I’ve partnered with an amazing company that is making history! I’ve learned how I can have it all! I have identified my new reality, something that I can do, that I enjoy doing, and a place where I help others along the way. My new reality is wonderful!
Tell me what your reality is! I’d love to hear!
July 17th, 2010 at 3:26 pm
Beautiful, honest video, Linda. You call it “putting MS in the back of your mind.” I call it living above the disease. It is probably just a difference in semantics. The New Reality includes focusing on what you CAN do, all the positive elements of your life and the amazing support you have from family and friends.
We’re really fortunate to be able to share our MS story with the World.
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July 17th, 2010 at 4:02 pm
Yes Darlene! We agree! I am living above the disease of MS! That is the message I want everyone to hear! We still CAN do so much! We can enjoy to the end!! We’re young! We have a lot of years left! Let’s make them the best!
July 18th, 2010 at 4:25 pm
Linda, you and Darlene are amazing. I met a lady by chance at a poetry reading a few weeks ago who said she had suffered from MS. She said she was in a wheelchair and I believe she said she was blind. She was standing up talking to us and looked absolutely fine to me. You guys should connect with her. She is in my FB friends list, her name is Katie Worden. I did not get much time to talk to her so I don’t know her whole story. I love hearing these brave stories of healing. Thanks for sharing this.
July 18th, 2010 at 11:24 pm
Nicole~
You’re so kind! I know everyone has a struggle~ When I gave a talk at church at the beginning of my MS story, I told the congregation about “my story.” I said, “since I’ve been sick, I’ve heard lots of expeirences from everyone, adversity of all kinds, it might look different, but it’s adversity none-the-less. If you don’t have a “story” of your own,” I said, “Just wait, there’s still time!” And that’s the way it is! We all do what we have to do! You would too!
I’ve got too many friends on FB to request a friend, if you wouldn’t mind, ask Katie if she’s request my friendship. I’ll be able to say yes if she asks~
~Linda
July 19th, 2010 at 4:58 am
Linda your middle name says it all. You dispense Grace to the reader with again much GRACE. I was reading today about King David and his thoughts of not being allowed by GOD to build the Temple. He dispensed his Grace to the Nation and his son Solomon by giving of himself to better them. I am blessed to know you through this medium and rejoice in your life that you share with us.
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July 19th, 2010 at 7:38 am
Thank you Nelson,
I agree! I am having a blast getting to know you! You are a very creative person! I look forward to reading your latest blog, “only on the black keys”!
Linda Grace
July 19th, 2010 at 7:59 am
Linda – Thank you for sharing this message with us! You and your physical therapist have a great lesson for anyone and everyone. Keep those things in the back of your mind and try to find the best way to keep on moving forward.
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July 19th, 2010 at 10:31 am
Glyna~
Thank you for visiting my blog! Yes, I’ve gotten great advice from so many people! Iam anxious to read your latest post too!
July 19th, 2010 at 7:12 pm
Yes, Linda! Thank you for empathizing! You are truly an inspiration; I know it’s been several months since we last spoke but I just had to stop by and thank you. I’m glad to see you’ve made some major progress since I’ve been gone, and I’m absolutely thrilled to be back! It’s people like you who make this industry so freaking amazing.
Talk soon,
Garrett
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July 20th, 2010 at 12:02 am
You’re so kind Garrett! I’m glad you’re back! Now I’m off to read your life story! I can’t wait!
~Linda
July 20th, 2010 at 5:22 pm
Hello Linda, I always appreciate your blog posts but as I read more I also appreciate your determined spirit.
Thanks
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July 20th, 2010 at 9:15 pm
It is down right inspiring to see someone who has been dealt a lot of hard cards turn things around and use them to become the inspiration of others. Bravo!!
July 22nd, 2010 at 5:25 am
Linda,
Thank you for sharing this message and your journey. The grieving process applies to so many things in life besides death. It happens in a divorce, the loss of a job and of course a change in health. so many of the obstacles that we face are meant to be lessons for us. How are we supposed to grow? What are we supposed to learn? The process takes time, sometimes a lot of time. That process is part of the journey. To me the acceptance stage is where you embrace the new reality you have claimed.
Thank you for being genuine with us and passionate about the changes you are seeing. Other than our own death life continues. It’s how we adapt and respond that determines the quality of our life moving forward.
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July 22nd, 2010 at 3:22 pm
Exactly! How we adapt and respond determines the quality of our life! Thank you Don for sharing!
July 22nd, 2010 at 6:08 am
Hi Linda! This post really made me emotional. I think the thing that stood out to me most in this post is where you say that “MS is your bag of gold and that bag of gold is enlightenment.” I have found through some tough experiences that I have been through recently that although the challenges in our life when I am “enlightened.” Thanks for sharing your journey.
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July 22nd, 2010 at 3:20 pm
Thanks Angela~
It’s amazing how enlightenment is something that happens from tough times! I always say, our experiences are unique but the learning and the growth is often the same!
July 22nd, 2010 at 8:10 pm
Hi Linda, I love to hear/read peoples life stories. Yours is of particular interest, because you have managed to find the positives in your situation. I admire that in people and it inspires me to do the same. So, thanks for sharing. Know that you have helped me renew my vow to always look for the positives in everything.
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July 22nd, 2010 at 10:33 pm
Karin~
I love to hear people’s stories too! I look forward to getting to know you and hearing yours!
~Linda
July 22nd, 2010 at 10:10 pm
Hi Linda
Wow! That video is amazing. You must get on video more often I feel like you are talking into my soul. I am so pleased you have the attitude you do.
My uncle had MS for close to 30 years. He was diagnosed when he was in his early 30s. He was a strapping sportsman and surf lifesaver at the time so it was a shock to all our family.He had a terrible quality of life as back then he was pretty much institutionalized. I visited him throughout those years. This was one of the factors that made me resolute in my journey into wellness.
I agree with Don’s comments that the grieving process applies to many things and we all have our various losses and roadblocks.
I love your passion.
Sue
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July 22nd, 2010 at 10:30 pm
Thank you Sue! I’m so insecure on film! With those encouraging words, I’ll do more movies! I know MS these days is a “very popular” disease to have! Because it’s so popular, a lot of research is being done – hopefully it will lead to a cure! I feel badly for your uncle and every other person with MS, especially before the MS drugs were developed!
July 23rd, 2010 at 10:25 am
hi linda, you are such an inspiration to all of us. i love the advice from your PT. after all, where you focus is where you go!
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July 23rd, 2010 at 5:58 pm
Linda,
Thanks for such an honest, vulnerable, touching video and post. The advice to keep it in the back of our minds and move forward is so wonderful for us all. I can’t imagine what you are going through, yet I have experienced great loss, including the loss of a child, so I can certainly relate to the need to pick up the pieces and move forward.
I wish you the best,
Adam
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July 23rd, 2010 at 10:31 pm
Dr Sheck~
A loss of a child is in my mind the hardest adversity I can think of. My heart goes out to you! I can’t wait to read your most recent post! When I adopted my oldest child I thought that love was enough. It took 7 years to finally realize this young kid was wrecking our home. When we put him in Sorensen’s Ranch School, a long term residential facility, friends of mine voiced their disappointment in me, “how could I abandon him?” He had already been abandoned by his birth mom. Maybe if I would have parented him differently, recognizing that sometimes “love isn’t enough,” he wouldn’t have had such power over the rest of the family!
July 23rd, 2010 at 6:00 pm
Thanks for sharing Linda. You have touched my heart with your brilliance. I don’t have MS, but there are things that I need to focus on rather than keep putting in the front my mind. If you can do it, so can I. A quote from Mother Teresa comes to mind….”I know God will not give me anything I can’t handle. I just wish that He didn’t trust me so much.” He has huge trust in you! Keep on videotaping! You did a great job!
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July 23rd, 2010 at 10:34 pm
You are too kind Holly! I’m glad you recognize the value of what my physical therapist taught me! Sometimes I agree with Mother Teresa said, “I just wish He didn’t trust me so much.”
~Linda
July 24th, 2010 at 7:07 am
I love this article! I think it’s so important to accept our new reality, but in regards to death, I dont think that it has to necessarily to be the death of a loved one..or even acceptance of our own demise…but maybe the death of a dream or a hope/future. Some dreams never die and are a something to continually work to attain, but other opportunities do pass and some roads are changed by others for us. I think it is so important to mourn these losses as well. And as we mourn the death of our past dream for our ideal future we can truly accept our new reality. And like you said, we won’t have to have ‘it’ on the forefront of our minds anymore, we can move forward taking inspiration from past dreams and hopes and creating new dreams in our new realities. I know that as my life has changed and evolved I have had to make sacrifices…and without mourning the losses (however small) I can never really move on to accepting my realities..I stay stuck wishing things were different. This article really has inspired me with a new perspective and motivation! Thanks Linda
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July 24th, 2010 at 9:47 am
Thank you for commenting Dani! You are an awesome daughter! Only about 5 days until I see you and my granddaughter!! I can’t wait!
July 24th, 2010 at 6:06 pm
Linda You have such a generous spirit that just blows me away when ever you do a post on your personal journey. I sit here resolute that I too will put ‘things/issues’ at the back of my mind and move on with life. Thank you for sharing this amazing post.
Belinda
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July 25th, 2010 at 5:18 am
Wow Linda….thank you so much for sharing that amazing insight into your personal journey. You are an inspiration to us all and I can only stand back in admiration of your spirit and strength.
You have faced adversity, processed it and come out the other side with a new vision, a new reality. It takes courage and strength to get to that point. I am so pleased to have met you through this online community. Thank you for sharing.
Louise
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July 25th, 2010 at 7:51 am
Linda, great and inspiring post. You are truly an inspiration for other in the same place as you. Your wisdom is amazing and your attitude is through the roof. They say God never gives you more than you can handle, but I believe there are a few chosen that will go on to be an inspiration to others and you are definitely one of them.
Keep up the positive, great attitude. Looking forward to more great stuff from you.
July 26th, 2010 at 3:29 am
I am SO proud of you, Linda. This was a great post. I’ll call one of these mornings and see how Mysti is doing.
I love you. Mom
July 26th, 2010 at 10:54 am
Thanks Mom!
August 2nd, 2010 at 8:58 pm
Very well Said.. I guess that we must have to live life to it’s fullest..we should not let our condition to hinder us from doing the things that make us happy… whenever our journey is about to end, we must see to it that we live the little time meaningful…
September 1st, 2010 at 2:51 pm
Linda,
Your courage and strength put many to shame. There is so much worth living for, no matter what your circumstances. You have stepped into your power and are making a positive impact on all who have the pleasure to meet you. Thank you for sharing in such an open, transparent way.
You are a special lady!
Val
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September 2nd, 2010 at 2:06 am
Aloha Linda,
Wow, you have an incredible story to share with the world. Thank you for your courage and your transparency. You will go on to help so many with your story.
Thank you for your strength and your character. You are truly an inspiration.
Much aloha,
Kellie
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September 2nd, 2010 at 5:42 am
Thank you Kellie! I recognize that what you’re saying is true. I can honestly say that I wish that I didn’t have to learn these things I’d rather help people with fully functioning legs!! But as my daughter says, wat ev!
Linda
May 19th, 2011 at 6:50 pm
Hi Linda, it’s good to see someone share their experiences and become a true inspiration for other people. I see that you are enjoying your life as you see fit. Many people are looking up to you for inspiration and strength during their troubled times in life. Thank you for giving hope to others who are down.
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July 30th, 2011 at 2:12 pm
So Facebook actually does what it says it does!? That’s good to know, i have yet to meet an old friend over there, but i guess i’m still young (or so i’d like to think) and have time.
Well, my view on dying is kind of cold, i know it’s going to come one day and i can’t do a thing about it. So why should i think of something i can’t influence?
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September 22nd, 2011 at 3:05 am
I am so amazed of your article.. Keep up the good work! You are an eye opening hoe reality works.. I enjoyed reading your article.. I will surely be back for more!
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November 8th, 2011 at 12:22 am
Lovely words, full of spirit and strength. Truly an inspiration. You have managed to see the positive side in your situation. I am pleased to met you in this online community.
Regards,
G.M.
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