Only a Genealogist regards a step backwards, as progress.

Just like any hobby, doing family history can easily become all consuming. I have friends that won’t even start because it seems overwhelming to them! I have to tell you with the right information anything is doable! 

If you schedule say 2-4 hours a week (it’s my Sunday afternoon activity), you can be successful and have fun! Again, like any hobby, the more time you devote to it, the faster you’ll accomplish.

The first step is to find a database program to organize the information you collect.  The LDS church, known for its genealogical expertise, has created a database organization system, called Personal Ancestral File (PAF). The PAF program was created for members of the LDS church, however simply unselecting use LDS data in the preferences tab will show a very efficient database program for anyone. Click here to download your free copy of PAF. 

Another popular program is Family Tree Maker and it can be purchased by clicking on the box:
Take time to become familiar with your program.  Since the computer age is running full force, it’s easy.  Both of these programs are very user friendly and both with a complete onscreen help feature. 

I am the most familiar with PAF.

No matter which organization system you choose, the next step is to gather information.  First add what you know, then ask living relatives for information that they have. Be sure to document the sources. 

I decided to post my tree online. RootsWeb.com is a free service to get your tree visible for everyone to see. You can look at my tree here.

I’ve been contacted by many distant relatives who found a mutual relative on RootsWeb.  One of my favorite stories happened in April of 2008.

A relative wrote to me about Joseph Custer, a distant relative of his, and mine. He said that the death date I have on RootsWeb is incorrect. He said that he has copies of letters that Joseph wrote to his wife, Nancy during the civil war.

He sent me copies of the letters and it felt like Christmas when I got them. It was difficult reading, but it was awesome!
There are 5 letters between April and Sept 1864. Joseph wrote many beautiful things. He started every letter with “I am still numbered among the living”. I typed them and I left all the spelling and punctuation as it was in the letters:

April 30, 1864 he wrote,
My Dear Wife Nancy

you need have no fears for my good conduct while I am absent for I would a thousand time rather perish On the field of battle then to return to you in disgrace.

I have left all some bad habits I believe I have not swore & oath since I left Ohio Nor drank a draw of liqure & if ever I see home & loved ones I hope to be a better man at heart

I have Sworn to you and my country to do my Duty.

I feel confident that you will do your duty as a mother But I must close for the present keep up good spirits & we must trust in god for the future Hoping soon to meet again

Write soon as get this
I am well give my respect to all my friends

Your ever-time husband till death, Joseph Custer

Joseph died 23 Sep 1868

I was sad when I read that Joseph was killed from complications of war injuries and Nancy had to raise her son without a father. 

Receiving these letters from real people shows me that the lessons in life are the same through the generations. It’s all about personal growth and attainment.

When I was a little girl, probably 3rd grade, while staying at my great grandparents, I found an entire attic room full of treasures: a chest containing old pictures and papers, a sewing machine, victrola. and clothes. I focused on the clothes and sweet talked my mom into letting me take some to play “dress up” back home.  My mom consented. Soon my girl friends and I paraded around wearing this clothing from the 1880s until they were threadbare!

To this day, my mom is not a big fan of antiques!  Years later, when we sold our house and moved to Alaska, mom gave it all away!!  I was shocked to see that she sold her first sewing machine, not a treadle machine, but it was at least vintage! She sold it to the neighbor lady! ”Mom,” I said, “that was your first sewing machine!””But Linda,” she answered, “It’s not an antique, it’s electric! I have a great new Singer!” I didn’t care, maybe it wasn’t an antique, but I didn’t want to let it go!  I went over to Mrs. Rickerman’s and bought it back! 
 
When I was in 8th grade I decided to learn about my family history.  It might have been due to the
1977 movie, Roots. I honestly can’t remember which came first, deciding to do my family tree, or watching Roots.  Either way, I started research for my science fair project.

I asked my great grandmother to write all the information she knew about our family. I think she really liked writing it! I now know how much I was asking!  Whether she enjoyed it or not, Grandma Radtke wrote a very long letter to her young great granddaughter!  As soon as it came, I started organizing my family tree.  I tried for a long time, but it was too difficult for me to wrap my young mind around!! So I put it away, knowing that one day I’d be ready.

As a freshman in high school, I asked my great grand parents, with the attic, if I could visit them for a week during the summer. I promised I would help clean out that attic from which the old clothing had come. For me it was all about exploring the old the stuff. I think, for them it was all about having their granddaughter stay with them for a week!  My grandparents had no desire to have the attic cleaned!

I had the time of my life! I found all sorts of antiques! I straightened the attic, dusted, sorted, boxed, dreamed and planned. In the end, nothing was changed, and my week was up.

When I got home, grandma called and told me the bats came down from the attic! 

Grandpa had been away one evening and came home to find Grandma standing on her bed with broom in hand. A bat was flying around her room and she was trying to shoo it out the door!

For the rest of their lives I was known for stirring up the bats.

My first semester in college I attended a genealogy class. I got Grandma Ratke’s letter out and learned how to do genealogy before computers were in the picture. I have been doing family history practically non-stop since.

Today computers make genealogy and family history easy. I can now write, store and share information with my family using software created for this.  There are a number of database programs available and more are created everyday.

Tell me in the comments below if you’ve worked on your family history and if you’d like more information about getting started! With only a few hours a week (I work on mine Sunday afternoon) you can discover your family tree!  

One day I went to a lawyer friend for advice.  “I’m in real trouble,” I said. “my neighbors across the road are going on vacation for a month and instead of boarding their two dogs they are going to keep them locked up and a woman is coming to feed them –if she doesn’t forget—and meanwhile they’ll be lonely and bark all day and howl all night and I won’t be able to sleep and I’ll either have to call the SPCA to haul them away or I’ll go berserk and go over there and shoot them and then when my neighbors return they’ll go berserk and come over and shoot me …”

My layer patted back a delicate yawn.  “Le me tell you a story,” he said.  “And don’t stop me if you’ve heard it – because it will do you good to hear it again.”

“A fellow was speeding down a country road late at night and BANG! went a tire.  He got out and looked and –drat it! — he had no jack.  Then he said to himself, ‘Well, I’ll just walk to the nearest farmhouse and borrow a jack!’  He saw a light in the distance and said, ‘Well, I’m in luck; the farmer’s up.  I’ll just knock on the door and say I’m in trouble, would you please lend me a jack? And he’ll say, why sure, neighbor, help yourself — but bring it back.’

“He walked on a little farther and the light went out so he said to himself, ‘Now he’s gone to bed and he’ll be annoyed because I’m bothering him—so he’ll probably want some money for his jack.  And I’ll say, all right, it isn’t very neighborly – but I’ll give you a quarter.  And he’ll say, do you think you can get me out of bed in the middle of the night and then offer me a quarter?  Give me a dollar or get yourself a jack somewhere else.’

“By this time the fellow had worked himself into a lather.  He turned into the gate and muttered. ‘A dollar! All right, I’ll give you a dollar.  But not a cent more! A poor devil has an accident and all he needs is a jack.  You probably won’t let me have one no matter what I give you.  That’s the kind of guy you are.’

“Which brought him to the door and he knocked –angrily, loudly.  The farmer stuck his head out the window above the door and hollered down, ‘Who’s there? What do you want?’ The fellow stopped pounding on the door and yelled up, ‘You  and your damn jack!  You know what you can do with it!”

When I stopped laughing, I started thinking, and I said, “Is that what I’ve been doing?”

I thought, “Most of us go through life bumping into obstacles we could easily by- pass; spoiling for a fight and lashing out in blind rages at fancied wrongs and imaginary foes. And we don’t even realize what we are doing until someone startles us one day with a vivid word like a lightning flash on a dark night.”

Well, the other night I was driving home from the city.  I was late for dinner and I hadn’t phoned my wife.  As I crawled along in a line of cars I became more and more frustrated and angry.  I’ll tell her I was caught in the heavy weekend traffic and she’ll say, ‘Why didn’t you me before you left town?’ Then I’ll say, ‘What difference does it make anyway –I’m here!’  And she’ll say, ‘Yes, and I’m here, too, and I’ve been here all day waiting to hear from you!’ And I’ll say, ‘I suppose I haven’t anything else to do but call you up every hour on the hour and make like a lovebird!’ And she’ll say, ‘You mean like a wolf, but you wouldn’t be calling me!’ By this time I am turning into the drive and I am plenty steamed up.
 As I jumped out and slammed the car door, my wife flung open the window upstairs.
“All right!” I shouted up to her, “Say it!”
“I will,” she cooed softly. “Wanta borrow a jack?”

Instead of repeating the same mistakes your parents made, you can learn from them. Instead of wounding your kids, you can learn and grow from your experiences. This is what my mother did. She was a child wait, it goes back a generation. Mom’s grandma was abused by her grandpa. This was back in 1910.

Grandma experienced such a horrible family life where she learned, deep down, that men are bad. Then my grandma found men that lived up to her expectations, she married men who were bad. This created a horrible upbringing for my mom.

My mom broke the chain of abuse. She rose above the destructive patterns that she was taught as a youth. I’m sure my mom knew that her home was missing something. She saw her friend’s family life and wished she had a life like they did.

Mom became a pioneer. She watched and read. She paid attention to how she was feeling, what her automatic responses were, and learned how to change. Mom realizes that grandma did the best she could with the information that she had, then selectively chose what patterns she was going to keep and pass on to her children.

She married a good man, and together the two of them raised my brother and me. Both of us felt like we were truly loved, like we belonged. As I grew, I learned that my mom had us in mind as she was facing all the pain and developing new thought patterns.

Mom became the parent that she always wished she had. It was a very difficult transition for her, but I know that my mom is glad she did. She has seen the love and cheering she did for us come back to her. She is completely loved and adored by her kids and grandkids.

Did you have a similar situation? Are you or were your parents Pioneers?

US statistics on domestic violence are terrifying. A woman is battered every 15 seconds. One in four women will be physically assaulted by her partner. One in three teens will be abused by her boyfriend. While both men and women have been known to carry out acts of violence, 95 percent of hospitalized victims of domestic violence are women.

Occurrences of male abuse against women are exponentially higher and more dangerous than the reverse. Domestic violence isn’t a trend — it’s an epidemic. And, according to Kristen Howell, director of development for Genesis Women’s Shelter in Dallas, Texas, it is pervasive, intergenerational and often deadly. She offers advice on how to recognize traits of an abusive relationship and, more importantly, how to get out of one in a safe manner.

“Many people mistakenly believe that domestic violence begins with a physical assault,” she says. “Verbal and emotional abuse often act as part of a rooming process that is aimed at one partner having power and control over the other person.”She also warns that an abusive partner can have hold over his counterpart through rage, hostility, isolation, obsession and intimidation. “He also will hurt things that are important to her — pets, children, special belongings. It’s all to gain control.”

Howell offers the following advice on how to get out of an abusive relationship:

Tell someone

The first thing a woman should do when she realizes she is in a violent relationship is to tell people who can help. Professionals can devise safety plans, assist with documentation for police reports, divorce and custody battles, and more.

Do what works
Some women decide in one day that living with abuse is no longer an option, and they will leave and never look back. Other women prepare methodically — gathering important documents, getting finances in order, developing a safety plan with a lawyer. Either way is fine, and the most important thing is leaving safely.

Keep Away
Leaving is one step in getting away. Keeping him away is the next hardest step. Abusive partners will go to great lengths to win the relationship back, so it is important to cut ties as much as possible.

Ask for help
Starting over is expensive, daunting, lonely and scary. But women can get through that part with support and resources. Expert counseling makes a big difference in navigating the confusion and keeping on track.

Diane G. Sagan, author of Shelter from the Storm and a survivor of a 10-year abusive relationship, found relief for herself and her children at a local shelter. “After being in denial for a long time, I began making a secret plan to save money. I thought I could hold things together for six months, but I didn’t even come close.”

Sagan has made a career out of her past experiences, using her life’s events to create a fictionalized story of a woman who successfully removes herself from an abusive relationship. She also serves as an inspirational speaker and mentor for women who are going through similar tough times. She urges women not to take matters into their own hands but to use the legal system instead as leverage to start over.

“Do not go back, no matter what he promises you,” she emphasizes.

A commercial pilot received a distress call from a novice pilot of a small Cessna airplane during a night flight. He apparently received this information from either the Air Traffic Controller or from the small plane’s pilot. The commercial Pilot was anxious to help and felt inspired to do so. He obtained the coordinates of this small plane and was able to make contact. The very first question that he asked this struggling Pilot of the much smaller plane was “Can you see my Light”? The immediate response was “No, I cannot see your light”. The Pilot of the Commercial Plane tried several maneuvers and each time he would ask the Pilot of the smaller Cessna “Can you see my light?” Then, when it was becoming clear that this Pilot of the smaller plane was heading towards some treacherous Canyons the commercial Pilot discussed it with his passengers and they decided together to make one more attempt to help save this Pilot.

As they began there descent into one of the canyons, the commercial Pilot asked “one last time”, “Can You See My LIGHT?”

The response was “YES! I can see your light!” The Commercial Pilot was then able to give this inexperienced and desperate Pilot of the smaller plane the coordinates that he needed and lead him to safety!

We can all be a LIGHT to someone around us. We need only to pray and be ready and willing to do so…. following the promptings of the Holy Ghost.

This is a true story given at a worship services broadcasted by KBYU. This talk was shared with me by my girlfriend’s mom, Pam Rarick.

scripture references:

“To give Light to them that sit in darkness. . .” Luke 1:79
Also, “be thou an example of the believers, in word, in conversation, in charity, in spirit, in faith, in purity.”1 Timothy 4:12

A truly happy and enduring relationship requires selflessness and kind, loving regard on the part of both spouses. However to initiate the building of a better relationship, it takes only one who is willing to forgive past hurts, to look for good in another, to find things, no matter how small or mundane, for which to express appreciation. It only takes one to begin a circle of love by caring and sharing freely, asking no return. Jesus taught, “Therefore all things whatsoever you would that men should do to you, do you even so to them.”
