Seeking Emotional Support Online Can Put Teens at Risk
Written by John Mak

An Emotional Time

The teenage years are incredibly complicated. Teens are dealing with changes in their bodies, hormones, and emotions. Relationships have taken on new levels of complexity and sometimes can be overwhelming. School is more difficult and some teens may feel extremely upset by the stressors. Although their friends are going through the same things, the waxing and waning of friendships may leave them feeling alone and in need of someone to talk to. Unfortunately, they don’t always turn to a parent for help.

Turning to the Net

When we have a question, we often go straight to the Internet for answers. It might be a question about geography, medical symptoms, the definition of a word, or even emotional problems. Today we all seem to take to the web rather than engage in actual, real-life, face to face conversation with someone when we need assistance. Teens are no exception.

Help!

Teens turning to their computers for help with emotional issues and stressors can result in both positives and negatives. Search engines don’t discriminate by the quality of the material presented. Results can contain everything from sponsored advertisements from pharmaceutical companies to self-help forums to government sponsored websites. The amount of material offered is overwhelming and can be difficult to wade through – for a teen or an adult.

The Best

The best sites will offer real, accessible information for teens seeking help with emotional issues. They will confirm that the feelings are real and tell the teens that they are not alone. These are the sites that are legitimate. These sites will also, most importantly, advise the teen to seek help from a trusted adult. There is no substitute for talking to someone in real life who can help.

The Worst?

There are a range of websites that can do various amounts of damage to a teen who is looking for advice about emotional, relationship, or other issues that deal with very real, intense feelings. These sites may claim to be legitimate sites and they may even have started out that way, but what they offer is not helpful at all and in some cases can be harmful.

Forums

Online forums may seem like a good place to find others to share experiences. And some of them may be just that. They may be places to find the support of others who have similar feelings. Forums encourage the anonymity of the Internet. On a forum, you can set up a profile that says you are whoever you want. You can provide as much or as little information as you are comfortable with. Often, teens feel safe with the anonymity and will lay out their problems for all to see. Unfortunately, others use this namelessness for purposes that are not necessarily motivated by kindness. They can, for example, say they are a teen with PTSD(post-traumatic stress disorder) when in fact they are a cyberbully or an adult seeking to find a child who is naïve and trusting for reasons that are inappropriate.

Manipulations

Teens who are emotionally vulnerable may find themselves the target of other teens that use the internet to bully. Cyberbullying is the use of technology to intimidate, harass, or threaten someone. In addition to bullying, there are those who use forums for targeting emotionally compromised teens for sexual reasons. These predators often disguise themselves as teens and manage to extract information from them about their personal lives, including addresses. This can be extremely dangerous.

Chit Chat

Chat rooms are another place teens may find in their search for help. Some are run and monitored by reputable associations or individuals. Some are simply another venue for bullying or stalking. Unregulated chat rooms can end up as places where some teens go to say goodbye or threaten to hurt themselves or commit suicide. This can be very upsetting. If your teen has wandered into a chat venue that causes more distress, it can be very detrimental to their wellbeing.

Break In

Predators in chat rooms and forums may try to lure teens to web sites that are restricted due to inappropriate content for children. These sites may contain pornography or encourage sexual contact with people met online. Links to some of these sites may even pop up on forums or chat rooms.

Parental Intervention

Yes, there are risks associated with teens seeking emotional support online. But with parental awareness and assistance, it can be used effectively. Talk to your teen. Let them know that you will listen and take their problems seriously. Use the Internet together to find web sites that provide accurate, trustworthy information. Help them locate a forum that is well monitored so that they can communicate with other teens. There is no substitute for parental involvement. Help your child navigate through the formidable landscape of the teenage years by keeping the lines of communication open.

Author’s Bio

John Mak is a Web Publisher. Software Reviews, Blogging Tips, Technical Advice, Deals and Special Product Offers can be found in his blog at simply1software.com. Current special promotions are GoToMyPC Promotional Code (remote access sw), Mozy Promo Code (online backup service) and Raxco Coupon Code (drive performance sw), or Twitter .

Parenting is hard, but does it all have to be work? NO! With a positive attitude and a little imagination, there are plenty of fun things that can help boost your child’s self-esteem. Here’s just a small list to get your creative juices flowing.

1. Sing loving songs to your child.
2. Sit with your baby or young child on your lap with a mirror in your hand. Allow them to see themselves with you and the love you have for them.
3. Carve out special time just for your child and give them your full attention.
4. Ask your child’s opinion.
5. Ask them to “teach” you something they know.
6. Play.
7. Address them by name.
8. Recognize a special talent and encourage them in it.
9. Set aside a WALL OF FAME in your house to showcase your children’s accomplishments.
10. Plant a garden.
11. Allow your child to be part of the vacation planning.
12. Cook together.

Here is a fun cooking activity we can do with our children. Just like many of you, my sister-in-law, Michelle, made free-hand pancake shapes with her kids - one day she saw the vision and created oven-safe Food Shapers!  Now Shape-It’s offers a one-of-a-kind product called The Play With Your Food Kit! All are designed to make playing with your food a mother-sanctioned and memorable family tradition!

Shape-Its food forms are manufactured from an aircraft aluminum alloy that has been specially processed to provide years of durable use with out losing it’s shape. These forms work great for shaping any kind of shapeable food (i.e. pancakes, cakes, cookies, gelatin, ice cream, marshmallows treats, brownies and more.) Each form is easy to clean, dishwasher safe, oven safe to 350 degrees and will not rust. All Shape-Its forms are equipped with folding handles to make storing easy.

Shape-It’s has a wide variety of kits that contain 2-3 Shape-It’s food forms, 2 decorating gels, 2 decorating sprinkles and 4 food-safe markers that come in a clear, re-usable vinyl bag for just $16.99.

Shape-It’s also offers Single Food Forms that kids will love; Animals, Dinosaurs, Holidays, Sea Creatures, Trucks, Trains and Airplanes for only $5.99 or $6.99 each.  Place an Order Here.

Michelle has given wonderful suggestions of creative ways to make the cooking experience fun for everyone! 

With a little imagination, the above list will grow and grow. Sometimes the best thing you can do for your child’s self-esteem is to just spend time. Time in a busy world speaks volumes.

Tell me how you have fun with your children and boosted their self esteem in the process~

In bringing up children, spend on them half as much money and twice as much time.

“One filled with joy preaches without preaching.”
–Mother Theresa

Mother Theresa’s adage could go on to say, “One filled with guilt preaches without preaching, one filled with low self-worth preaches without preaching, fill in the blank…it works for just about anything you struggle with. How we present ourselves to the world is important. And it starts with what we think about ourselves.

We’ve been talking for awhile about the essential characteristics necessary for someone to maintain a high self-esteem, connection to others, the ability to see and appreciate their own uniqueness, a sense of having power over their lives and life decisions, and the presence of positive role models.

Now let’s look at our role in maintaining a positive self-esteem for our children’s sake. What does me having a good self-esteem have to do with my children? Well, pretty much everything, let me explain.

Studies have shown that homes that have certain characteristics in operation in the home generally produce children that have high self-esteem. Do you want to know the number one characteristic? Yep. It’s high parental self-esteem.

What? You mean we can’t just love and encourage our kids and give them permission to be unique? All of that is important, yes, but your children are still going to absorb everything you say and do, as well as those things you don’t say and do. They’re dry sponges eagerly soaking up your example.

Do you feel good about yourself? If you do, it helps your children feel good about themselves in return. Do you embrace your own uniqueness? Ditto for your children. There is no easy way to get around it: Healthy Self-Esteem grows Healthy Self-Esteem. It’s gotta start with us.

The good news is this: The more we actively work to boost our children’s self-esteem, the more it helps boost our own. Whew. Now that feels a bit better, doesn’t it? We don’t have to have all the right answers. We just need to be striving in the right direction.

So, on those days when you feel like scum and want to verbally beat yourself silly, think of your kids. Build them up. Tell them what a great person they are. It’s infectious. Pretty soon you’ll feel better about yourself too, as you watch your child beaming with pride.

After all, one filled with joy preaches without preaching. even when it’s your child’s joy preaching to you.

Your child’s self-esteem is off and running before he learns to walk! Most authorities agree that the self-esteem begins to form at birth. But what does that mean to a parent who got a late start?

To re-word a popular cliche: The best time to start building your child’s self-esteem is the day she’s born. The next best time to start is TODAY.

Just being aware of the role you play as a parent in forming your child’s self-worth puts you ahead of pack. Whether your children are newborn or eight or sixteen, it’s never too late to build them up. Make sure they know you love them and are proud of them. Tell them repeatedly and in many different ways. The message will sink in and take root in their lives, no matter how young or old they are.

Here’s a short list of ideas to help you affirm your children as a regular part of your day:

1. Tell them how proud you are of their accomplishments
2. Brag about their accomplishments to others (in front of them)
3. Spend time talking to them (and listening to what they’re really saying)
4. Set aside time to read a book or play a game together
5. Celebrate who they are in little ways, don’t wait for a formal occasion (i.e. stick a note in their lunch box, take them out for a one-on-one date, etc.)
6. Make their favorite dinner for no special reason and remind them that you did it because you love them
7. Apologize when you’re wrong
8. At dinner, tell each of your family members three things you appreciate about them or positive things you noticed that they’ve recently done or accomplished

If you’re a family that struggles with showing love and appreciation to one another it might feel awkward at first, but don’t give up. Sooner than you think it will become second nature to you.

And a big reward is this: you’ll get to see your child’s self-esteem bloom and grow right before your very eyes! No matter how old they are when you start!

Tell me how you give the gift of self-esteem to your children or how you were given the gift from your parents!

P.S. If you would like to read more, you can choose from a variety of new or bargain priced books, here’s the link to Linda’s Self-esteem Book Store.

I’m a parent of eight children. They are “stuck” with me, just as I am “stuck” with them. However, it wasn’t until my second adopted child was a teenager that the term “stuck with us” became a family expression. When my teenage daughter, like many teens, didn’t like the family rules, she wanted to move in with her friend. In her mind, they were a better family and she didn’t understand why she couldn’t live there! I said, YOU’RE STUCK WITH US! I explained that just like all of her siblings, she can move out when she’s 18! Until then, we are all she’s got!

Usually our children are stuck with us during the formative years of birth till two or three. Adopted children don’t always have that benefit. Since many kids are stuck together during those formative years it’s important to understand how much influence we have as parents and the best ways to use it. How we raise our children will have a far-reaching impact farther than anything else we do in our lives. It’s not just about our interaction with our children. It’s how they interact with those around them. How they pick a spouse. How they raise their children. How their children interact with those around them. How they pick a spouse, raise their children and on and on it goes. Our positive (or negative) influence in their lives potentially lives on for generations and generations.

My mom set a great example for me when I was young. She broke the cycle of abuse in her family. It probably would have been easier for her to continue along in the patterns of abuse. Change is hard. Especially change that involves issues of self-worth. But my mom didn’t choose the easy way out. She chose a higher ground. She proved to me that change is possible.

Because of my mom’s bravery, she and my dad were able to raise my brother and me in a positive atmosphere. We knew they loved us and we never questioned that we “belonged”. Yes, we, too, were stuck with our parents and they were stuck with us. Fortunately for us, this sticky relationship developed many good characteristics in our lives and gave us a strong foundation for when we began raising children of our own.

Mirror, mirror on the wall, I’ve become my mother, after all.

Did your teenagers ever wish they had a different family? How did you handle it? Stories, I want stories! Leave them in the comments below!

Encouragement: Building Confidence and Feelings of Worth
1. Encouragement is the process of focusing on your children’s assets and strengths in order to build their self-confidence and feelings of worth.
2. Focus on what is good about the child or the situation. See the positive!
3. Accept your children as they are. Don’t make your love and acceptance dependent on their behavior.
4. Have faith in your children so they can come to believe in themselves.
5. Let your children know their worth. Recognize improvement and effort, not just accomplishment.
6. Respect your children. It will lay the foundation of their self-respect.
7. Praise is reserved for things well done. It implies a sprit of competition. Encouragement is given for effort or improvement. It implies a spirit of cooperation.
8. The most powerful forces in human relationships are expectations. We can influence a person’s behavior by changing our expectations of the person.
9. Lack of faith in children helps them to anticipate failure.
10. Standards that are too high invite failure and discouragement.
11. Avoid subtle encouragement of competition between brothers and sisters.
12. Avoid using discouraging words and actions.
13. Avoid tacking qualifiers to your words of encouragement. Don’t give with one hand and take away with the other.
Systematic Training for Effective Parenting by Don C. Dinkmeyer Sr., Gary D. McKay, Don C. Dinkmeyer Jr.

Tell-tail Signs of Low-Self-Esteem

Wondering how your children stack up on the self-esteem scale? Although there’s no sure-fire way to gauge and grade self-esteem, there are some key signs to look for:

1. Does your child avoid activities or situations that cause anxiety (i.e. math class or PE)?
2. Does your child repeatedly put down his talents?
3. Does your child blame others for her shortcomings and have a hard time taking responsibility for his own actions?
4. Do others easily influence your child? Does he repeatedly give in to peer pressure?
5. Is your child defensive or have a low tolerance for frustration?
6. Does your child feel powerless?

According to Clemes and Bean, researchers and authors, these characteristics are often associated with children struggling with low self-esteem.

If your child exhibits many of these characteristics, don’t panic. Self-esteem is formed. This means it can be molded in new directions. Consistent love, support and feelings of acceptance can begin to turn the tide. Make no doubt about it kids don’t miss a thing! If you help them feel important, it will make a difference. Before long you will see less and less self-esteem challenged behavior as your child will becomes increasingly self-confident.

In our plan to help our children grow up to be healthy, confident adults, we shower them with love and affection. We celebrate them, listen to them, take time for them, and encourage them. We do everything we know to do to help our child succeed.

Although we’re in important part of our child’s growth and development, the older they get, the more outside influences complete with all our careful attention and planning. Sooner or later, they are bound to come home wounded from something someone on the outside said or did to them. Often the offence chips at their personal self-worth.

Any foundation, no matter how strong or carefully laid, is open to attack. It’s part of living and growing on planet earth. Does that mean all your work was in vain? No. It also doesn’t mean you should just sit back passively, thinking ther’s nothing you can do about it when it happens. There are skills you can instill in your child to help protect against the attacks when they come.

A good affirmation to teach your child from the beginning is: no matter what you say or do to me, I’m a worthwhile person. If you say it to them enough, it will eventually become second nature and will become a tool they can use to counter attacks on their own.

Another counter-attack is to confront the offense honestly. Ouch, that hurt! I didn’t like that. This not only opens lines of communication, but also re-affirms your child’s feelings by allowing him permission to state them out loud.

What might seem obvious to us is not necessarily obvious to our children. They might need help when asked to consider the source of the attack. Is it a trusted friend or the class bully? Is it someone with a history of being mean or a good friend that was having a bad day? Discussing these ideas with your child helps them to see the situation from other angles and realize it’s not necessarily all about them.

When appropriate, use humor to help your child work through the situation. When given the ability to laugh at momentarily “tragic” situation, the seriousness and pain of the situation often diminishes. Never use humor to poke fun at anyone, and always re-affirm your child’s worth in the midst of it.

As a parent, you’ve worked hard at building that foundation, and with some skills teaching, you can also help shore up the cracks and attacks. A good foundation can take a great deal of abuse, and a parent watching for signs of attack can help reverse the damage.

As I’ve said before, it’s never too late to begin to affirm and build up your child. Knowing that he is loved and appreciated goes a long way in boosting and building a good self-image in him.

But how do you know if your words are sinking in and helping him feel more self-secure? First caution here is: Don’t focus on a single characteristic or behavior. Even an unshakeable self-esteem ebbs and flows.

Rather, look at your child’s overall behavior patterns. Is he proud of his accomplishments? Does she assume responsibility for herself? Does he tolerate moderate levels of frustration? Does she enthusiastically approach new challenges? Does he exhibit a wide range of emotions and feelings?

Don’t expect a huge turn around immediately, especially if your’e just starting in on a new plan to help raise your child’s self-esteem. Think of it more like a savings account. As you slowly make deposits, you’ll begin to receive larger and larger dividends over time.

Be patient, be consistent and don’t give up. Helping develop your child’s self-esteem is one of the biggest gifts you can give them. And the dividends will grow for generations.

Emily, a young girl with above average intelligence, learns quickly and easily understands difficult concepts older children struggle with. In spite of her intelligence, Emily comes from an unstable home. Her father drinks too much and often erupts into violent screaming rampages, telling Emily she’s stupid and lazy.

Sara, one of Emily’s classmates, works hard for her grades. Although not nearly as bright as Emily, Sara knows she is loved. Her close-knit family instills in Sara that she’s valuable and can do anything she sets her mind to.

Which girl do you think does better in school?

Multiple studies show over and over that a child with average intelligence and healthy self-esteem will out-score and out-perform a child with much higher intelligence and lower self-esteem.

Why is this? For one, a low self-esteem child is easily distracted, more anxious and fearful, and feels more pressure than children with a healthy view of themselves. They simply don’t have enough energy leftover to concentrate on learning.

As children grow, so do the pressures facing them. In the face of adolescence, with it’s own set of uncertainties, body image becomes increasingly important. Teaching a child how to feed their bodies is important, but even more important is teaching a child what to feed her mind.

Nielsen Co. conducted a survey about the television viewing habits of Americans. They concluded that the average American watches four hours of TV daily. While the typical American youth spends 900 hours a year in school, they spend 1500 hours a year in front of the television.

This translates into viewing, roughly, 20,000 commercials per year. Commercials filled with models that are thinner than 95% of the population. And this becomes part of the ‘standard’ our children look to for acceptance and worth.

Loving on our children and helping them know they are wonderful just how they are, does more for them than we can imagine. They’ll get better grades. They will have a better view of themselves and their bodies. They will have healthier relationships with others. And they’ll grow up to be healthy, well-adjusted adults that aren’t victim to the skewed views of the world around them.

You’ve probably heard the saying GARBAGE IN, GARBAGE OUT, but why not put a positive spin on it? Fill your children with good and good will eventually find it’s way back out! Good in, Good Out! GIGO!!