Seeking Emotional Support Online Can Put Teens at Risk
Written by John Mak

An Emotional Time

The teenage years are incredibly complicated. Teens are dealing with changes in their bodies, hormones, and emotions. Relationships have taken on new levels of complexity and sometimes can be overwhelming. School is more difficult and some teens may feel extremely upset by the stressors. Although their friends are going through the same things, the waxing and waning of friendships may leave them feeling alone and in need of someone to talk to. Unfortunately, they don’t always turn to a parent for help.

Turning to the Net

When we have a question, we often go straight to the Internet for answers. It might be a question about geography, medical symptoms, the definition of a word, or even emotional problems. Today we all seem to take to the web rather than engage in actual, real-life, face to face conversation with someone when we need assistance. Teens are no exception.

Help!

Teens turning to their computers for help with emotional issues and stressors can result in both positives and negatives. Search engines don’t discriminate by the quality of the material presented. Results can contain everything from sponsored advertisements from pharmaceutical companies to self-help forums to government sponsored websites. The amount of material offered is overwhelming and can be difficult to wade through – for a teen or an adult.

The Best

The best sites will offer real, accessible information for teens seeking help with emotional issues. They will confirm that the feelings are real and tell the teens that they are not alone. These are the sites that are legitimate. These sites will also, most importantly, advise the teen to seek help from a trusted adult. There is no substitute for talking to someone in real life who can help.

The Worst?

There are a range of websites that can do various amounts of damage to a teen who is looking for advice about emotional, relationship, or other issues that deal with very real, intense feelings. These sites may claim to be legitimate sites and they may even have started out that way, but what they offer is not helpful at all and in some cases can be harmful.

Forums

Online forums may seem like a good place to find others to share experiences. And some of them may be just that. They may be places to find the support of others who have similar feelings. Forums encourage the anonymity of the Internet. On a forum, you can set up a profile that says you are whoever you want. You can provide as much or as little information as you are comfortable with. Often, teens feel safe with the anonymity and will lay out their problems for all to see. Unfortunately, others use this namelessness for purposes that are not necessarily motivated by kindness. They can, for example, say they are a teen with PTSD(post-traumatic stress disorder) when in fact they are a cyberbully or an adult seeking to find a child who is naïve and trusting for reasons that are inappropriate.

Manipulations

Teens who are emotionally vulnerable may find themselves the target of other teens that use the internet to bully. Cyberbullying is the use of technology to intimidate, harass, or threaten someone. In addition to bullying, there are those who use forums for targeting emotionally compromised teens for sexual reasons. These predators often disguise themselves as teens and manage to extract information from them about their personal lives, including addresses. This can be extremely dangerous.

Chit Chat

Chat rooms are another place teens may find in their search for help. Some are run and monitored by reputable associations or individuals. Some are simply another venue for bullying or stalking. Unregulated chat rooms can end up as places where some teens go to say goodbye or threaten to hurt themselves or commit suicide. This can be very upsetting. If your teen has wandered into a chat venue that causes more distress, it can be very detrimental to their wellbeing.

Break In

Predators in chat rooms and forums may try to lure teens to web sites that are restricted due to inappropriate content for children. These sites may contain pornography or encourage sexual contact with people met online. Links to some of these sites may even pop up on forums or chat rooms.

Parental Intervention

Yes, there are risks associated with teens seeking emotional support online. But with parental awareness and assistance, it can be used effectively. Talk to your teen. Let them know that you will listen and take their problems seriously. Use the Internet together to find web sites that provide accurate, trustworthy information. Help them locate a forum that is well monitored so that they can communicate with other teens. There is no substitute for parental involvement. Help your child navigate through the formidable landscape of the teenage years by keeping the lines of communication open.

Author’s Bio

John Mak is a Web Publisher. Software Reviews, Blogging Tips, Technical Advice, Deals and Special Product Offers can be found in his blog at simply1software.com. Current special promotions are GoToMyPC Promotional Code (remote access sw), Mozy Promo Code (online backup service) and Raxco Coupon Code (drive performance sw), or Twitter .

Guest Author Misty Cox

I am a jack of all trades in the homemaking with children department.  I have given birth in a hospital, on a birthing stool, at home in bed, and in a huge soft birthing tub.   Our kids have done public school, charter schools, online schools, and all-out home school.  I have baked and cooked up all kinds of meat-filled, sugar-filled, and butter laden dishes followed up with tofu vegan lasagna and 100% raw vegan squash spaghetti.  Pick a year or two and I can tell you what phase I was in.

I like to try things.  I like to organize things.  Everything has it’s place.  Including each one of my phases.  I put my vegetarian phase in with my early home school phase.  My walking phase goes in with my Weight Watcher phase.  Everything in a box.  Like teaching history and literature and math and science but not having any of those things touch.  Each subject completely apart from the other.  Don’t let the peas touch the mashed potatoes because that’s just gross.

I did learn something once though.  I can’t treat myself like a dinner plate.  I cannot take care of my mind with only a bit of reading and stimulating conversation.  My emotional well being hinges on more than just high doses of B-Vitamins.  My mind, my feelings, and my body are so interconnected there is no telling where one ends and the other begins.  My strength is so much more than muscle mass.  I have learned that being healthy is finding balance.  It is that place where mind, body, and spirit meet and have a pleasant conversation.  They agree. There is harmony.  And there is work.

Energy spent for emotional well being.  Effort put forth to fortify the mind.  Exercise of body and mind for the sake of peace within.  There is no substitute for work.  Work is a true and divine principle.  My work has ranged from willing my body to crawl across the floor to call for help, to running 200 miles across the desert with a relay team of friends on no sleep and little food.  My work is mine.  It is finding the right thing at the right time.

It seems as though this time, yoga is the thing.  With my husband.

My cute man does YOGA with me!  He used to roll his eyes and chuckle softly when I would talk to him about a full yogic breath and centering and sun salutations.  Now he is “Namaste-ing” with the best of em’.  Well.  Kind of.  Instead of touching his head to his shins he is only able to reach in the general direction, but hey, he is taking a certain level of relaxation with him throughout his day.  And that is cool.

So I am thinking that maybe my current yoga phase can touch my running phase which coincides with my walking phase.  Maybe they can cozy up and hold hands.  Maybe they can even get thrown into a bowl together and get all mixed up and combine together so you can’t tell where one ends and the other begins.  I like that idea.  It reminds me of making cookies.  Healthy no sugar no flour cookies of course.  Which I did.  Last night.  I will show you those next time.

But for now, let’s just eat our peas and potatoes together in one bite.  Mind, body, and spirit.  Working together.  Inhale and Stretch to Your Left…….

As we focus on strengths everywhere around us, our self-confidence and feelings of worth are seen. When we focus on the good around us we’ll see our situations improve! See the positive! Recognize accomplishments everywhere! Respect everyone!

Choose to see the good in yourself and others then watch what comes back to you!
Enjoy the Day,
Linda Grace

Parenting is hard, but does it all have to be work? NO! With a positive attitude and a little imagination, there are plenty of fun things that can help boost your child’s self-esteem. Here’s just a small list to get your creative juices flowing.

1. Sing loving songs to your child.
2. Sit with your baby or young child on your lap with a mirror in your hand. Allow them to see themselves with you and the love you have for them.
3. Carve out special time just for your child and give them your full attention.
4. Ask your child’s opinion.
5. Ask them to “teach” you something they know.
6. Play.
7. Address them by name.
8. Recognize a special talent and encourage them in it.
9. Set aside a WALL OF FAME in your house to showcase your children’s accomplishments.
10. Plant a garden.
11. Allow your child to be part of the vacation planning.
12. Cook together.

Here is a fun cooking activity we can do with our children. Just like many of you, my sister-in-law, Michelle, made free-hand pancake shapes with her kids - one day she saw the vision and created oven-safe Food Shapers!  Now Shape-It’s offers a one-of-a-kind product called The Play With Your Food Kit! All are designed to make playing with your food a mother-sanctioned and memorable family tradition!

Shape-Its food forms are manufactured from an aircraft aluminum alloy that has been specially processed to provide years of durable use with out losing it’s shape. These forms work great for shaping any kind of shapeable food (i.e. pancakes, cakes, cookies, gelatin, ice cream, marshmallows treats, brownies and more.) Each form is easy to clean, dishwasher safe, oven safe to 350 degrees and will not rust. All Shape-Its forms are equipped with folding handles to make storing easy.

Shape-It’s has a wide variety of kits that contain 2-3 Shape-It’s food forms, 2 decorating gels, 2 decorating sprinkles and 4 food-safe markers that come in a clear, re-usable vinyl bag for just $16.99.

Shape-It’s also offers Single Food Forms that kids will love; Animals, Dinosaurs, Holidays, Sea Creatures, Trucks, Trains and Airplanes for only $5.99 or $6.99 each.  Place an Order Here.

Michelle has given wonderful suggestions of creative ways to make the cooking experience fun for everyone! 

With a little imagination, the above list will grow and grow. Sometimes the best thing you can do for your child’s self-esteem is to just spend time. Time in a busy world speaks volumes.

Tell me how you have fun with your children and boosted their self esteem in the process~

In bringing up children, spend on them half as much money and twice as much time.

“One filled with joy preaches without preaching.”
–Mother Theresa

Mother Theresa’s adage could go on to say, “One filled with guilt preaches without preaching, one filled with low self-worth preaches without preaching, fill in the blank…it works for just about anything you struggle with. How we present ourselves to the world is important. And it starts with what we think about ourselves.

We’ve been talking for awhile about the essential characteristics necessary for someone to maintain a high self-esteem, connection to others, the ability to see and appreciate their own uniqueness, a sense of having power over their lives and life decisions, and the presence of positive role models.

Now let’s look at our role in maintaining a positive self-esteem for our children’s sake. What does me having a good self-esteem have to do with my children? Well, pretty much everything, let me explain.

Studies have shown that homes that have certain characteristics in operation in the home generally produce children that have high self-esteem. Do you want to know the number one characteristic? Yep. It’s high parental self-esteem.

What? You mean we can’t just love and encourage our kids and give them permission to be unique? All of that is important, yes, but your children are still going to absorb everything you say and do, as well as those things you don’t say and do. They’re dry sponges eagerly soaking up your example.

Do you feel good about yourself? If you do, it helps your children feel good about themselves in return. Do you embrace your own uniqueness? Ditto for your children. There is no easy way to get around it: Healthy Self-Esteem grows Healthy Self-Esteem. It’s gotta start with us.

The good news is this: The more we actively work to boost our children’s self-esteem, the more it helps boost our own. Whew. Now that feels a bit better, doesn’t it? We don’t have to have all the right answers. We just need to be striving in the right direction.

So, on those days when you feel like scum and want to verbally beat yourself silly, think of your kids. Build them up. Tell them what a great person they are. It’s infectious. Pretty soon you’ll feel better about yourself too, as you watch your child beaming with pride.

After all, one filled with joy preaches without preaching. even when it’s your child’s joy preaching to you.

Your child’s self-esteem is off and running before he learns to walk! Most authorities agree that the self-esteem begins to form at birth. But what does that mean to a parent who got a late start?

To re-word a popular cliche: The best time to start building your child’s self-esteem is the day she’s born. The next best time to start is TODAY.

Just being aware of the role you play as a parent in forming your child’s self-worth puts you ahead of pack. Whether your children are newborn or eight or sixteen, it’s never too late to build them up. Make sure they know you love them and are proud of them. Tell them repeatedly and in many different ways. The message will sink in and take root in their lives, no matter how young or old they are.

Here’s a short list of ideas to help you affirm your children as a regular part of your day:

1. Tell them how proud you are of their accomplishments
2. Brag about their accomplishments to others (in front of them)
3. Spend time talking to them (and listening to what they’re really saying)
4. Set aside time to read a book or play a game together
5. Celebrate who they are in little ways, don’t wait for a formal occasion (i.e. stick a note in their lunch box, take them out for a one-on-one date, etc.)
6. Make their favorite dinner for no special reason and remind them that you did it because you love them
7. Apologize when you’re wrong
8. At dinner, tell each of your family members three things you appreciate about them or positive things you noticed that they’ve recently done or accomplished

If you’re a family that struggles with showing love and appreciation to one another it might feel awkward at first, but don’t give up. Sooner than you think it will become second nature to you.

And a big reward is this: you’ll get to see your child’s self-esteem bloom and grow right before your very eyes! No matter how old they are when you start!

Tell me how you give the gift of self-esteem to your children or how you were given the gift from your parents!

P.S. If you would like to read more, you can choose from a variety of new or bargain priced books, here’s the link to Linda’s Self-esteem Book Store.

I’m a parent of eight children. They are “stuck” with me, just as I am “stuck” with them. However, it wasn’t until my second adopted child was a teenager that the term “stuck with us” became a family expression. When my teenage daughter, like many teens, didn’t like the family rules, she wanted to move in with her friend. In her mind, they were a better family and she didn’t understand why she couldn’t live there! I said, YOU’RE STUCK WITH US! I explained that just like all of her siblings, she can move out when she’s 18! Until then, we are all she’s got!

Usually our children are stuck with us during the formative years of birth till two or three. Adopted children don’t always have that benefit. Since many kids are stuck together during those formative years it’s important to understand how much influence we have as parents and the best ways to use it. How we raise our children will have a far-reaching impact farther than anything else we do in our lives. It’s not just about our interaction with our children. It’s how they interact with those around them. How they pick a spouse. How they raise their children. How their children interact with those around them. How they pick a spouse, raise their children and on and on it goes. Our positive (or negative) influence in their lives potentially lives on for generations and generations.

My mom set a great example for me when I was young. She broke the cycle of abuse in her family. It probably would have been easier for her to continue along in the patterns of abuse. Change is hard. Especially change that involves issues of self-worth. But my mom didn’t choose the easy way out. She chose a higher ground. She proved to me that change is possible.

Because of my mom’s bravery, she and my dad were able to raise my brother and me in a positive atmosphere. We knew they loved us and we never questioned that we “belonged”. Yes, we, too, were stuck with our parents and they were stuck with us. Fortunately for us, this sticky relationship developed many good characteristics in our lives and gave us a strong foundation for when we began raising children of our own.

Mirror, mirror on the wall, I’ve become my mother, after all.

Did your teenagers ever wish they had a different family? How did you handle it? Stories, I want stories! Leave them in the comments below!

Encouragement: Building Confidence and Feelings of Worth
1. Encouragement is the process of focusing on your children’s assets and strengths in order to build their self-confidence and feelings of worth.
2. Focus on what is good about the child or the situation. See the positive!
3. Accept your children as they are. Don’t make your love and acceptance dependent on their behavior.
4. Have faith in your children so they can come to believe in themselves.
5. Let your children know their worth. Recognize improvement and effort, not just accomplishment.
6. Respect your children. It will lay the foundation of their self-respect.
7. Praise is reserved for things well done. It implies a sprit of competition. Encouragement is given for effort or improvement. It implies a spirit of cooperation.
8. The most powerful forces in human relationships are expectations. We can influence a person’s behavior by changing our expectations of the person.
9. Lack of faith in children helps them to anticipate failure.
10. Standards that are too high invite failure and discouragement.
11. Avoid subtle encouragement of competition between brothers and sisters.
12. Avoid using discouraging words and actions.
13. Avoid tacking qualifiers to your words of encouragement. Don’t give with one hand and take away with the other.
Systematic Training for Effective Parenting by Don C. Dinkmeyer Sr., Gary D. McKay, Don C. Dinkmeyer Jr.

Clutter: A confusing or disorderly state or collection.
When in doubt, throw it out!
Nothing can have as liberating an effect on your life.
Put it to the test:
Do I need it? Do I want it?
Do I like it? Do I have room for it?
If you haven’t used/worn it in 6 months, give it away. (If it’s seasonal give it a year.)

When my kids brought home the common “shut-ups” it was harmless at first. When it turned into an angry demand directed at a sibling I put into practice what my friend, Tracy suggested. SHUT UP BUCKS. Whoever said shut up had to pay the receiver $1. It only took once.
We all want our kids to be nice to each other~ tell me what works with your kids!